One more thing…
I think it’s amazingly cool that I had to go wake every one of my family members up at 9:20am! Ha! Well, all are up now and we’re ready to go!
GO BILLS!!
(PS… to be fair, Jen had to get up with the baby at 5:42 last night… so… she does have an excuse. But she would sleep this late even if she slept straight through! She likes to sleep!) 🙂
Thinking more about what I wrote last night, I remembered another train of thought that I have been processing recently. I have been trying to figure out again why I seem to have more of a positive take on the world and humanity than most every other human being I know. A friend of mine says I have “Perma-Jube” (Permanent Jubilation, I think?) because in contrast to him, I most certainly do. 🙂
Not that I think everyone else is mean, or always in a bad mood. It’s not that. It’s more along the lines of personal interaction. The instances in life that have made me ponder this have been misunderstood personal conversations, via phone or email especially (or even “second hand” conversations). I realize that those are certainly inferior modes of communication, but even within those, it seems I have room to “assume the best”.
I think if you think of the question, “Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?” I would have to say that my glass is always going to be half full. In fact, I think I would probably look at it and dare to say that it’s almost full, because surely it’s on the way to being full. That’s just the way I think!
So, my thoughts turned to genetics, and how we are “wired”. I can’t really believe that everyone else has had such a hard life that it has turned them into skeptical pessimists in their everyday dealings with other people. That leaves personality. Perhaps my personality is to be trusting, optimistic, some would say “naive”… always assuming the best of other people, even if it does not appear that way. My experience of late is that most everyone else leans toward mistrust and pessimism/skepticism when dealing with other folks. Jen says it is because they have been burned too many times by others. But I think I have too… why do I go on assuming the best in others?
Well, I will continue to ponder this, and I am sure I will add to this later. Right now we are packing up to go to Bills Training Camp. Oh man! If you want to see an example of my “optimism”, check this out!
If anyone has any thoughts on built-in personality vs. life experience and how that shapes our general attitudes in life, I’d love to hear them. Are there any others out there on Perma-Jube?
Over the past week or two, I have had this feeling more times than I would like to admit. That feeling of unsettledness. Something is wrong, but you can’t quite single out the exact cause. You feel it in your stomach. A bit in your throat perhaps. And nothing fits together in life. Everything is just sort of, off.
Tonight the feeling is from a misunderstanding in an email exchange. A friend seems to be hurt by something I said that was completely harmless… or so I thought. Earlier this week I found out that somethings I had said had hurt some people I love – and this was after I was hurt by something they had done before I had a bigger picture of what was going on. All this follows closely on some turmoil in Jen’s heart that was thankfully not caused by me, but still managed to produce that feeling in me… and I couldn’t shake it.
I don’t like it when people around me – especially people I care about – are sad, or even angry. Even moreso when their feelings were caused by something I said or did. All I want to do is fix it. Repair the damage I have caused. Or, if I am not at fault, just repair it. Make it all better.
Sometimes, I just can’t. So if I know that, why does my stomach still feel this way?
Perhaps I am overreacting. No, I am sure I am overreacting. But I do believe that’s the way I was made. Maybe we all are, but I know for a fact that I am. I am made to relate, and when relationships are broken, strained, or otherwise in need of repair, I can not do anything until they are restored. Funny, huh? Even if it’s not really anything I did (like with Jen last week) I could not function until there was some resolution in her heart. That may be because she is my wife, and we are mystically “one”… but I’d like to think it’s even more than that.
I want to be completely empathetic. I want to be so in tune with the emotions of others that I hurt when they hurt. I also rejoice when they rejoice. But actually, I don’t think I am that cool. I do believe some of my discomfort is my desire for perfection in life. I don’t want someone to hurt because of what I have done. That means that I messed up. I want to correct it. For them, yes… but also for me.
How sad is that?
You know, I actually think I am a nice person. I had a business relationship go quickly very sour a few weeks ago. I mean I was being shouted at over the phone. I was quite shocked, but I stood my ground as I really felt there was a right moral thing to do in that situation. I got the same feeling after hanging up the phone. Tight, twisting knots in my stomach. I hated making that person mad. But I replayed everything I said and I think it needed to be said. I wrote a few emails back and forth that day with this person, and in one of them I actually said, “You know, I really am a nice guy…” The response back was “I know you’re a nice guy. I can tell.” The matter was resolved, and the relationship restored. I actually don’t know how, but it was like a TV ending to that story.
That’s what I figure it will be like every time. I really do have good motives. I’m not hiding anything. I want no part of games or manipulation. What you see with me is what you get. That’s it. And my assumption (often proven wrong) is that is what I am getting from everyone else. I think I will always think that. I think I will always think that I am received at face value and that people are giving me the open, honest truth. I don’t think that’s true, but how can I live any other way?
I really do think I am nice… and have other people’s hearts and “best interest” in mind in most things I say.
I am, however, quite human.
Well, tonight I go to bed with an unresolved relational issue. I e-mailed my friend whom I apparently hurt, but have not heard back yet. My stomach is unsettled. My heart is restless. Part of it is my desire for peace for the person I have hurt. Still, another part is because I long to be perfect. As God continues to work in me, I hope for the former. I want to desire restoration and wholeness of relationship because it values the person with whom I relate.
So my friends whom I have hurt with my words, I am sorry. Please forgive my bumbling lips. (Or, fingers, as it were.) I often speak exactly what is on my mind, and sometimes, it needn’t be spoken. I don’t mean that we should not be open and honest with each other. I mean, sometimes I need to just not say stuff.
With God’s help, I may get better at that.
Until then, thank you for your friendship, and I wish you peace.
Perhaps you will recall when I mentioned the idea I sent to Apple about offering Cable TV channels “a la carte”, much like they have done with music on iTunes. Well, this was before iTunes was selling videos, and before the Mac Mini was designed for the living room. I am sure that Apple had the idea before I did, but I am just loving the fact that Apple is actually moving toward my idea.
Just, in a different way.
I still would love to see a company offer an entire channel, streaming live… but just that channel. I wouldn’t have to get 345 channels when I really only want 5 or 10. No packages, just the channels I want. Well, Apple is not doing that, but perhaps their idea is better. More and more channels continue to offer their programming via the iTunes music store. This week several more networks have been added, including the History Channel and Biography Channel. Let me tell you, there has been some major restraint here, not buying all that is currently available from those channels!! (I really like documentaries…) 🙂
Perhaps the biggest benefit of doing it this way is … NO COMMERCIALS. That’s great. And, you get to choose the shows you want. Admittedly, I don’t really even want an entire cable channel/network. I just want a few shows. So this method of distro is even cooler, I think.
So, good on ya Apple!
Here’s the official press release from Apple regarding their latest additions to the iTunes (Music?) Store.
(They might want to consider a new name…) 🙂
Award-Winning Programming from A&E Television Networks Now Available on the iTunes Music Store
You may not know what the WWDC is, but if you use computers, you should check out this hour long presentation. It’s a quicktime streaming video of the keynote speech given yesterday morning at the World Wide Developers Conference (those are the people who make all the software for your computer). If you’re a Mac fan, you’ve likely already seen it. If not, here’s a link to the page where you can get the video:
http://www.apple.com/quicktime/qtv/wwdc06/
Seriously. Apple previewed some of the features of their new operating system which they say will release next spring (which we think means January…) and it’s just fantastic. Time Machine is an automatic back up and restore program for everything on your computer that will just blow your mind. Like, “How is that POSSIBLE???” kinda blow your mind. Spaces gives your four virtual desktops to easily switch to, and use simultaneously. Amazing. Improvements to Mail, iChat, iCal and more. Like, in iChat, you can now share slideshows with your friends through iChat theater, and even share your desktop! In mail you can send HTML email using 30 built in templates (might be more when they release it) and all sorts of really great features.
Watch the video. It’s amazing.
And, if you like, visit the Leopard site at Apple: apple.com/macosx/leopard
I have been creative in other ways today… I woke up, and as I was getting ready for the day (yes, in the shower…) I began singing the first line of a new song. I have not done that in quite some time, so it definitely took me by surprise…
But I followed it to completion, and thus was born a new song. Click over to the basic site and you can check it out. 🙂
I needed to grab a photo from my PhotoBooth archive today, and while I was there I had to laugh at some of the hilarious things you can do with PhotoBooth. The kids and I (and Jen?) have fun with this program obviously…. 🙂 Just had to share some of the better ones. Pretty crazy how it makes you look like… not you! (Obviously… but… I mean… even more than you’d expect!)
(the linked movie is made using iMovie… I guess I’m having fun showing off the fun toys on my Mac lately… with our music video, and now this…. everyone should get a Mac.) 🙂
The blog will be quiet for a little while as I try and catch up on my web work… I actually do web design and maintenance for a living, believe it or not! Bills season is upon us as well, so I have a bunch of work I am doing to get ready for another season of The Review. In between all of that, I am a Dad of four great kids. Tonight, Mom needed a break, so Dad got the kids for the majority of the night. This is what happens when Dad gets the kids…
Perhaps you’ve exposed your 2-year-old daughter to a bit too much Mr. T and the A-Team when she sees a fly in the kitchen, and immediately starts shouting, “Bam! Bam, Bam, Bam!” like a semi-automatic weapon?
Hey everyone
It’s been quiet around here lately… I’ve been busy getting ready to tell everyone about my books, and even the Apple Business Agent thing… but with everyone else’s websites that I do, I haven’t had much time!!!
But, I finally did get the bookstore up and runing! You can now purchase all of my books via this website. Stop by and check it out! Click on any book above, or click the handy link below. 🙂
I can even autograph the books before I send them if you want… 😉
