“I’m Popeye The Sailor Man! Toot Toot!”

I used to watch that cartoon, and I even watched the movie with Robin Williams in it a time or two. (Should I be admitting that?) 🙂 And I do recall, Popeye in his familiar sailor speak (or whatever that was) saying one of his famous lines, “I yam what I yam!” He said it lamenting that he could not be a better person for Olive Oyle I think, but that was a little deep for Saturday morning cartoons, so it was just a funny line.

But this week I have been marveling at a part of me that seems to be unchangeable. Something so built-in that it really is just “who I am”. I am not one to usually put credence in such a phrase. You are able to make choices, and decisions, which affect your actions, which can change in some ways “who you are”. But there may just be certain things that God has built into us that will almost predict (if that were possible) how we might react in a certain situation.

I was talking with a friend recently about wanting to get up early in the mornings again, and get a good jump on my days that way. But every time I think of that, I start getting in this sort of funk. It can be small, but it’s still there. When I set the wake up time on my alarm, I feel myself cringe a bit. When I slide the switch over to “Alarm”, I am tempted to utter my feelings through a mumbling grumble. When the alarm goes off in the morning, it just starts my day off a bit sour.

And it’s not because I am not a morning person! Seriously! If I happen to just wake up in the morning, I kinda like it. The problem is that I am being made to do something. Yes, even though it is my own choice to do it, I am making myself do it!

Now, you are definitely already thinking, “Greg, just get over it! That’s totally weird!” But this is my point. How could I think such a thing? How could I feel restricted by my own decisions? I have always been self-employed (in my adulthood) because I need freedom, as much as possible. I really don’t like any sort of restrictions, rules, guidelines, routines, patterns, regularity, predictability — to me that is monotonous, and living death.

I can’t recall as I write this the other examples of my insanity, but the thing I am pondering is what good can come out of such a built in weirdness? I mean, at one level I am complete flexible and spontaneous, and a go-with-the-glow kinda guy. That can be good, right? But, then, if there are any pre-set plans or routines… I start to freak out! That can’t be good, can it?

I wish I could just say, “Well, I just need to be more balanced.” I can’t. At least not so far. I really “Yam what I Yam”. That doesn’t mean that I give up and do not try to at least within myself resolve the restlessness that I feel whenever I have some boundaries or confinement placed on me. It seems that could be better for me, and for others.

Or, maybe God made me to be this way, and what he made fits perfectly with where he has placed me.

I am not certain of the answer to that. I’m not certain there is an answer to that. But I’ll keep listening to my Father, and see how he plans to shape this spontaneity in me.

Right now I have to go make dinner. We’re having guests over for dinner tonight. They’ll be here at 6.

And I’m really starting to freak out because of this schedule I’ve placed on myself!!!!

😉

There was an article on the web today suggesting (for real, I think) that Apple is moving toward dropping their OS, and using a version of Windows on their machines?!?! That’s the craziest thing I have ever heard. I think it really is.

The article has had too many hits, and so is down currently, but check it out tomorrow or late tonight. Here’s the link.

Crazy….

Will Apple Adopt Windows?

It used to be that I could edit the time that a blog was posted. I can not now. So, unfortunately I am going to have to go back through these drafts I saved, and create new blogs and paste them in there, or they’ll get interspersed among my other previous blogs.

It’s confusing. But, you will have to scroll down to see the one I just put up – My Burdens Are My Blessing.

You gotta love it when peoples go and change stuff on you! 🙂

In a recent news article, I saw a reference to a former college basketball player from the University of Providence, in Rhode Island. I actually can’t believe I didn’t remember, or hear more about this guy. I looked up his stats online, and there’s not much on his play on the court… just lots and lots of references to his name. And why not? It had to have been the strangest name EVER for ANY athlete EVER. I think.

So who was this crazy named player?

His name was Shamgod. God Shamgod. Seriously. That’s on his birth certificate.

And he played for PROVIDENCE.

Just a funny piece of NCAA history as we approach the month of March. 🙂

Well, I just checked again, and there are 6 blogs waiting patiently in my blog queue for me to finish (or in some cases START them.) Blogger gives you a Save As Draft feature which I never used to use, but find myself doing so a bit more these days. I am completely overwhelmed with other people’s deadlines at the moment. Seems everything is due all at once. I am not certain I was cut out for this type of customer service business. At least that’s how it feels right now. I don’t have a reason, in fact almost the opposite. I love that I get to create and work on computers – I love that. I love people, and I love helping them. I especially love helping them have a great product of something that I love (the web, computers, etc.)

But I just feel tired.

I am up early every day, up late every night… and I have a young family whom I love and who need me in between those times. So, I’m just feeling drained, even though my wife is great and helps me with all the other stuff that needs to happen around a home. As much as she can in her enlarged state, of course.

I really, really do miss blogging though. I miss writing. I only want to work on my book. But I have people who are counting on my web services. They also pay me $40/hr. So far, no one has paid me for reading my blog. 🙂 I did sell enough books last time to pay for the publication cost, but it can’t pay the bills just yet.

SO, I press on. Seriously, the tone of this blog is more negative than I feel. I think I am just tired.

That said, I’m going to try and pound out a few of those blogs in the queue before I leave the office today.. I just need a change of scenery, pace, something…

Last night I hastily ate the awesome dinner my awesome wife prepared because I had less than half an hour to scarf it down before I had to head up to a nearby church building to record some piano songs with Ian’s piano teacher. The day began at seven in the morning, as I got up early to do some work before my weekly basketball game with a few friends. We also had a doctors appointment for Jen in the middle of the day, so it was a super full day!

As we were finishing up the recording, I was talking with Mrs. Anderson about the busyness of life, and how I am just feeling so overwhelmed these days, but I told her that God had perhaps showed me a glimpse of the bigger picture earlier that day.

You see, our fourth baby is due in less than a month now. That’s very cool. We’re looking forward to it, and planning for it. As I did last year, I plan to take 2 weeks off from regular office work, and take all the kids and household duties so Jen can just get used to the new baby, and recover and relax. It worked well last year, so I am looking forward to it again.

Well, as you might imagine, it’s not easy to take two weeks off from your job. And, obviously, there will be some things I will still need to do – whether at naptime, or at night, or whatver – but pretty much I’ll be in shut-down mode. So, I thought… oh… this is pretty neat. I have all these super deadlines right now, and the pressure at times seems unbearable, and my body is weary… but maybe all these deadlines now will make for a lighter March, when the baby comes? Maybe since I won’t be doing much work then, and money won’t be coming in regularly there, this big build up now will help us then.

Isn’t it cool that God pays attention to things like that? 🙂

So, for a brief window of time yesterday, I saw how my burdens currently are really my blessing. Right now: overwhelmed, tired, weary, fried. But the blessing is that maybe God has arranged it so that I will have completed the bigger projects just before the baby arrives?

Maybe. I’m hoping. 🙂

Anyway, it was a cool reminder that God makes good from hard. That we can rejoice in all things. That’s been hard to do for a little while. So that was a welcome respite.

I modified the Hangman post. Now, just bookmark this one and come here to play, if you like. 🙂

I think I recognized a slight change in me tonight. Something that I have intellectually grasped for quite a while, but perhaps not till recently have I really lived it out.

I was in the bathroom, prior to our gig tonight, and I had a sort of flashback. Instantly, I was whisked back to many a bathroom, in many a church building (or other location). It was minutes before the event for the night, and I was alone in the bathroom, praying. It was a great time for me to connect with God one last time before we got up to represent him on stage wherever we were. I remembered sincere wishes that whatever we did that night would be fruitful. Our words, our songs, our voices, our instruments – everything we had any sort of control over – would carry the truth of God’s love to the hearts of everyone listening. I would ask him best I knew how to ensure that what we were doing would be worth it. For them. For us. For Him.

And then tonight I realized, the thought of doing that wasn’t in my mind, nor had it been for months. That is no longer my practice before any singing event.

Have I lost touch with God? Have I forgotten the significance of every opportunity to share our music and the life-giving truth of God’s word (mixed in with our songs)? I don’t think so. Actually, in some ways it might be almost the opposite.

You see, over the past while, I have been learning to live every day with Jesus. Not in a building, or at a service, or at a special time of the day, or the week. I have been learning to do everything, “whether in word or in deed”, with Jesus. No, I don’t add his name, or an exclamatory, “Hallelujah!”, or, “Praise The Lord!” to every sentence I utter. I mean, Jesus is with me. For everything.

I mean everything.

When I go to sleep, he’s there. We chat. When I wake up, he’s there. Usually, we chat. When I take a shower, he’s there. When I eat breakfast, he’s there. When I am at work, he’s there. When I am with my family, he’s there. When we are playing Lego Creator, he’s there.

The hardest part to grasp is when I blow up at my kids for something too small for such a response, he’s there. And he doesn’t leave. When I am angry with Jen, he’s there. If bad thoughts are floating through my head, he’s still there. He is not scared away by my sin.

He’s always there. Always.

What I am learning to do is not evoke his presence at special times and places, but to be in a constant dialogue with him. At high points, and low points, and everywhere in between. And, to listen to his Spirit in me. If God had wanted me to pray tonight before the concert, I think that would have been “on my heart”. Otherwise, I trust Him to “always be working”, and everything I say and do is something he can use. Not just from a stage. Not only when I use words that include Jesus own name, or something else you can find in the Bible.

Always. Everywhere. All the time.

Do you get it? I think I am starting to, and it was a very cool, enlightening moment! It is theory now implemented. What I saw tonight was not a new idea, it was that Jesus has slowly integrated it into the way I live! Those are cool moments.

Sometimes we try so hard to live spiritual lives that we end up missing real life. We miss the fact that the Kingdom is right here, right now. Jesus said he would send his Spirit to live IN us. Always. That’s just incredible. And I think I am understanding that more and more.

It’s not bad to pray before some public event. It’s certainly not bad to just pray. But I have even learned to not use that word, as it implies something magical and other. “Praying” is not magical. It can be just a conversation – that never stops – with the Living God. We have constant audience with Him, because he’s always there. With every one of us. Listening, watching, going through our lives with us. He will never “leave us or forsake us”.

Never sure is a pretty cool word.

Live today with Jesus. For real with Jesus. Not just quiet times or prayer times. Every time. And see how freeing is the reality of his presence. Every day. In every way.

I recently wiped my hard drive, and transfered all the files back to the clean HD, and have experienced the usual minor bumps. (A few preferences were deleted, had to confirm a few software registrations, etc.) One of those was our digital magazine reader. It will not allow me to access my magazines anymore. I tried calling Zinio.com customer service, they don’t do phone service. So, tonight I tried e-mail, and I got a helpful link in return. That was cool.

What I noticed was something I saw the other day. There is a pretty big difference between the Mac OS and Windows OS. Check it out:

WINDOWS…

For Magazines:

• Make sure the Zinio Reader is closed and check to see if the Zinio Delivery Manager icon is displayed in the lower right corner of your screen (system tray). If so, right click on it and choose Exit.
• Click Start >> Settings >> Control Panel and select ‘Folder Options’.
• Select the View tab and click the radio button next to ‘Show Hidden Files and Folders’, and then click OK.
• Click the “Start” button on the task bar and select Search >> For Files or Folders.
• Search on your C-drive for folders called “ContentGuard”.
• There should be two ContentGuard folders found: “C:\Documents and Settings\Username\Application Data\ContentGuard” – (or something similar, depending on your operating system) and “C:\Program Files\Zinio\ContentGuard” –
• Delete only the first folder (the one not located in the Program Files) and empty the recycling bin.
• Restart your computer.
• Go to Start –> Programs –> Zinio –> Check for Magazines or Check for New Deliveries, and try downloading your magazines again. If the Delivery Manager reports “no magazines to download,” then visit http://www.zinio.com/accountmenu (you may be prompted to log in) and choose “Download a Magazines Again.” The Zinio Delivery Manager will re-try the license activation and download process. If you get an error again, please let us know.

  If this does not work, and you still cannot read your publications, please let us know.

Mac…

For Magazines: Generally, when you receive Error 22-M (Mac), there was a license failure during the download of the publication. Please follow these steps to regenerate the licenses.

1. Find the ContentGuard folder. It can be found in the following folder: Users > Library > Preferences
2. Delete the CGGuardLib file in this folder.

After you delete the licenses, you should be able to open the Zinio Reader and view your publications without difficulty.

DO YOU SEE THAT??! It’s the same with the kids software programs. The CD-ROMs come with Windows and Mac versions on the disc. To install/play the software on a Windows box, you have to follow about eight HUNDRED steps, while under Macintosh instructions, they usually add a few steps like, “Insert CD in CD tray” just to make it look a little better for the Windows machines. The instructions usually read something like this:

1. Insert CD-ROM into CD Tray.
2. Double-click on [Name of Game] Icon

Ha! Ha! HA! Come on, people. Seriously. Can we please understand that in most ways, Macs are better?

🙂

War is ugly. We know that intellectually. Most of us understand that through the images we see on the evening news. Those of us who have been around for generations have seen war after ugly war. Men fighting men. Death. Bloodshed. Crying. Loss.

But how much greater is the ugliness when it is brother fighting brother.

I just finished watching Cold Mountain, a movie set in the early 1860s, during our country’s “Civil War”. The movie was not completely about the war itself, in fact the causes and justifications for the war were almost not touched upon. Instead, the movie focused on the affect the war had on the people.

There was a scene near the beginning where the two sides were preparing for a clash, lined up, holding positions. We then see several Union soldiers sneaking behind the Confederate camp and setting massive explosive charges, and lighting the fuse once they were safely away. There is an enormous surprise explosion that decimates the Confederate camp. As the dust settles, the assault begins. An unending wall of blue soldiers runs toward their enemies now shattered camp, ready for the kill.

And I thought, “No… don’t do it…”

I know, I know. It’s just a movie. They set up the scenes and music and everything to make me think that, but I did. And it was for real. A bloody scene ensues where everyone is being slaughtered by each other. Face to face. It’s unthinkable.

But the part that got me was thinking about who they were.

They were brothers. Granted, our country was still relatively young, in the scheme of things. But they were all Americans. Less than one hundred years prior, they had fought side by side for the cause of freedom from a colonial oppressor. Even then, they were fighting their own people. But now, they had once again turned on each other, in the bloodiest war our country has ever seen. (The war in Iraq – the entire “War on Terror” – pales in comparison to most individual battles during the Civil War.

So many scenes through the movie of pure ugliness. Not just in the heat of a battle. But the ugliness that pervades once we allow ourselves to treat other people – especially our fellow countrymen – as the enemy, no longer worthy of living.

I do understand it a bit. In order to go that far, you just have to let yourself keep going. We’ve all experienced the beginnings of it. Even in our own homes. Proverbs says, “A harsh word stirs up anger.” Boy is that true! When I don’t watch my words, or when Jen is not careful with hers, or her tone, the sparks start to fly. It’s incredible. How could I feel anger toward the person I love the most? How could she toward me? But even just our silly little words can escalate to outrage and boiling point anger.

Usually the anger is over nothing, so with either one of us offering kind words, or just stopping for a moment to process things, the moment is diffused. We go on, living in peace, and living out the love we have for each other.

But throw the mob effect on top of ever-increasingly hateful words, and it’s easy to see how an entire country could be led to take up arms against each other. I’m sure there were individuals along the way who either refused to fight, or who showed kindness in a moment where there was opportunity. But war is ugly. People can do despicable things to each other when their hearts have been calloused by untamed, unrestrained anger.

I love history, and I am often fascinated by the Civil War, but every time I think about it, my heart becomes heavy. The thought of not just so many people dying, leaving their families behind… but all of the carnage was at the hand of other Americans. Very sad.

Eventually war will end. No, not like Star Trek presumes, that some day we’ll all just magically “evolve” to a point where we come to our senses and never resort to military action again. That can not happen in a world ruled by self. Where selflessness is unnatural, and pride reigns. Sin reigns. There will never be such peace in this world.

But the Bible speaks of a day when God will judge all men, and he will bring peace… forever. Weapons will be turned into farming tools. There will be no more training for war. At the end of this age, when creation is restored to its original design – then there will be peace.

Until then, the ugliness of war will continue to destroy life across our planet. Thankfully I have not been personally touched by the effects of war in my lifetime. That movie did a good job of personalizing the Civil War. I hope it never gets much closer than that.

And I hope Jesus is coming real soon to straighten all of this out.

Real soon.

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For further study of the end of war: Visit StudyLight.org