I went up to block Scott’s shot this morning at around 8:30am. It was a nice friendly game of one-on-one-on-one, game to 21, every man for himself. Scott was taking a shot from around the arc, and I was close enough to challenge, so up I went. I missed the block, but as I came down, I did not miss Alex’s foot. Alex had stepped up to challenge as well (I think that’s what happened) and my foot came down on his instead of the floor.

Pain. Searing pain. Bad. Thoughts of being laid up in bed for months.

I tried to get up, cause I was going to will my ankle to be ok… even if it was broken. It was stiff, but I could put a little weight on it. That was good. 🙂

I got some ice from the person on duty at the gym and put it on my foot. That helped. But it felt really stiff. I looked down and it was twice its normal size. That was bad.

I went home and, long story short, the hospital x-rays showed no broken bones – so I am home again, and soon to put it up so it can get better. We hope.

This is a bit of a set back when I am supposed to be helping Jen by taking care of the house and three tiny kids. 🙂

Welll… that’s the news from here. I’ll probably give an update later.

Hey folks

We’ve gotten some wonderful comments (through email mostly) on this post. Thanks to those who have responded. I just wanted to make it clear that this post was somewhat tongue-in-cheek. 🙂 We are so thrilled to have a fourth addition to our family – totaling six. And actually, we hope that God will continue to add to our family.

It was just sorta funny as we sat there in the hospital, holding healthy baby #4… thinking, “What are we getting ourselves into??!” 🙂 🙂 We know it will be great… it’s just pretty tiring at the moment!! 🙂

The only somewhat serious comment I wove in there was the one about the “string of good luck”. We experienced the loss of a child (before birth) in 2004. We greatly anticipated God adding that baby to our family, so the loss was painful. But God was with us, to be sure. Even still, this entire pregnancy, I kept waiting for the bad news. That we had lost another baby. I figured we had pushed the odds too far. Even when Julia was born, and she was blue and limp, I thought… “Well yeah. That makes sense. I knew that would happen.” I can not explain the enormous wave of emotion that came over me when she breathed, cried and turned a lovely shade of pink. I couldn’t say anything. I just cried.

So, part of me wonders how we can continue to defy the odds and have such healthy, beautiful babies. The other part knows its not up to me, and so I don’t even have to worry about it. 🙂

Pretty sure that side is going to win out, and, God willing, you just might see a few more Campbells in this world.

If He really thinks that’s a good idea. 😉

It feels like we’re in a desert land right now. It’s dry, and hot. We’re tired, and as far as we can see all around us, it’s only sand. No one else around, and that’s the problem.

Oh, there are plenty of people. We have great friends. They are quick to help with things we need, or with our kids, and we do enjoy spending time with all of the people God has surrounded us with. On top of that, our family is super supportive and we love them completely. We have definitely been blessed.

The desert is in our current journey with God. We are certain that he is leading us, and quite confident that where we are is the best place for us, and in fact, he is most definitely here with us. But we just feel alone. No one else (at least no one near us) is in the same place as us: wanting to experience God outside of the traditional, institutional framework of “the church”. There are a few – but no one who is just around the corner from us. No one with whom we cross paths on a daily basis, or even weekly.

Sometimes that makes me think, along with prodding from a few folks, that we should just jump back into the fold, and go along with the “rest” of Christianity. It can’t be that bad. Right?

WRONG.

Have you ever seen the Matrix? I watched it for the first time sometime within the past year. I really liked it. It was cool. Not just the special effects, but the story was pretty cool, too. Well, if you recall the main story was that humans were plugged into this giant computer simulation (the “matrix”) and their lives were being lived out in this simulated world. A few people had managed to “wake up” from this world, they were rescued from it. And once they were out, they saw the world as it really was. Even if they wanted to go back to the matrix, they could not because they knew it was fake. Pretend. A simulation.

It would be the same for us. It’s like we have been pulled out of the matrix. If we were to suddely go back to weekly (and more) attendance at a neighborhood Christian service center, and especially if we were to plug in there and “serve” (teach, nursery, music, etc) it would be like trying to go back into the matrix. You can’t go back. You already know it’s fake. You can’t do it.

We have tasted the reality of the every day presence of God in our lives everywhere we are. Why would we go back to putting him at a time or place? How could we go back to pretending that those services and programs are our source of Christian life when we know the real source of Life?

No. We can’t. We have been pulled from the Matrix, and we can never go back. We can certainly visit. But we can never completely plug back in.

And I think that’s a good thing.

We have always wanted to live every moment with God. Everything we do being worship to him. We always said the words, but now I think we are actually living it, and it’s really freeing and wonderful. But we are currently in a desert, and that’s not entirely enjoyable.

But this season will pass. And during the times in the desert, we learn to rely on our Father even more. See, even though there’s sand, and we feel like we’re alone in some ways – we’re not. He is with us, and leading us.

And so, we press on.

I had an interesting moment last night (that would be Friday night) as I left our boys’ room after a hasty “Good Night.” We had spent another evening on many activities we enjoy doing together, and at that point, I was tired and needed to leave. We always talk with God together before Mom or Dad leaves the room, and that night was no exception. Often in the most hurried nights, Ian will slip in a little open window to his heart. He’s good at that. And last night was no exception.

The boys and I were talking about how God responds to us when we talk to him. Kids are great, cause they’re not afraid to say they hear God talking back to them. 🙂 I love that. We encourage that. Our Father is very real, and wants a relationship with us, not our cowering and fearful, compulsory adulation. So Alex had said something about a question he directed to God, to which I responded, “And what did He say?” Alex told me what he said, and I smiled. We spoke a bit more, and Ian said with a somewhat troubled tone, “I don’t hear God much anymore…”

I was puzzled at such a statement. Ian continued, “Not as much as I used to, at least. I’m not sure why.”

What do you say to that? An opportunity to encourage my little boy to listen, and trust that God is listening to him even though he is unable to hear God’s voice at the moment. I explained that I have noticed God to be silent at times – even when I wished he were not – just because he didn’t have anything to say. 🙂 At those times, we rest in his love for us, which he has proven many times over, and we wait to hear from him again. Ian seemed to be satisfied with the answer, and so we hugged, and I left the room.

But I was not quite as satisfied.

Ian is the only one of our children who really spent some time in the institutionalized church. We have not been much of a part of it for much of Alex’s growing up, and hardly any of Kirsten’s very young life. So Ian has some fond memories of the structures of that system. He recalls the children’s programs, and Sunday school, and all the things that good little Christians are meant to do. So, at times, he innocently questions why we no longer participate in such routines, especially since his grandparents and many other extended family members are so deeply involved in them.

With that background, I noticed a little crack in my levee, allowing a trickle of doubt to gnaw at the lining of my stomach. “Are we doing the right thing? Is God’s silence a sign that we are supposed to be “going to church”? Am I ruining my kids lives? Will we be condemned to Hell?” OK, the last one didn’t really cross my mind, but perhaps I came close.

See, this is the trap of performance based religion. This way of thinking says that if good things are happening, God is pleased, and if bad things are happening (including the absence of good things), then something is wrong and must be corrected. An attempt to appease the deity must be made. And though I am so completely convinced from scripture and from my relationship with my Father that he does not operate that way… so many years of “watching the signs” and making the necessary course corrections allowed me to wallow in self-doubt for a time last night.

No more. There is no longer condemnation. I have been forgiven. I am free. I am loved. He calls me friend. All truths I know in my heart. My body is tired these days, and so they are definitely more easily replaced by the easier “appeasement mode” of past years. But I will not revert to relying on my own performance.

“I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.” (The Message, Gal 2:21-22)

A friend posted that to her blog this evening, and it reminded me of the amazingness of grace. It really has not a thing to do with what we do. We can no more manipulate God through our performance than we can lose his unquenchable love for us.

He may be “silent”, or we may see “bad things” around us, but friend, do not let your heart be troubled. If God is for us, who can be against us.

And he is for us.

Check out Julia’s first video! It’s just over 10 minutes long, so it’s pretty hefty. If you’re still on dial up, I don’t recommend trying it! 🙂

Stream Video | Download Video (iPod ready)

(To download, Option-Click on the Download Video link, or Control-Click to bring up a menu of options, then Save As… to wherever you like. On Windows, Right-Click, then choose Save As… or something like that.)

Wow. I’m usually much better at this. Well… it’s 2:30 in the moring, and here are the photos I have been wanting to post:

Julia in her hat from Dr. Landgraf. (Yes, our doctor made Julia a hat!!!) 🙂
(Click to enlarge)

Babies are always so tired! Julia is no exception. 🙂

Julia has a cool, round face.

What exactly is she reaching for? 🙂

Julia shares her Grammy’s middle name: Gayle

Baby Julia and Grandpa Tom

Almost time to leave the hospital. A familiar scene. Baby strapped into car seat, with parents who look like they haven’t gotten much sleep. Very nice…

Julia in pink. Even she is pink. 🙂

Julia in pink. Another.

Julia in pink. And yet another. 🙂

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I really do have some video too. Will post that soon. Hopefully not at 3:00am any time soon. 🙂

Today is my Dad’s birthday! He’s a young fifty-six years old today. Not bad being so young, and having seven grand kids to show for it!! 🙂

My mom and dad came up this past weekend to see the new baby and to be with us for a short time. My dad needed to get back for his work. But they called tonight and offered to keep our boys for a whole week if we could just get them down to Cleveland somehow! That was a very generous offer, and actually, a bit uncommon from them. But over the years, my dad has done some extraordinary stuff for us kids. Lots of driving to pick up and drop off…. I remember he would drive me out to East Lansing, MI to my dorm, and then turn right around – literally – and head back to Clarence, NY. That was not a short trip to be making to just drop me off. From driving me around, to taking care of monetary and other stuffs… my Dad has always been a self-sacrificing cool guy. 🙂

As I look around my house, I also see that nearly all of the furniture is actually from his own hands. He made nearly everything in here. And if he didn’t make it, he probably bought it. But the Dad-made stuff is definitely a favorite in our house, and scores high on the cool factor chart as well.

(sorry… it’s 2am.)

Thanks Dad for being a good example of selfless, generous parenting. I hope I can be that to my kids too.

Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great one. 🙂

(My dad reads this blog, so if you’d like to pass along a Happy Birthday to him, just leave a comment here on this blog. His name’s Tom.)

I forget if I have mentioned this here, but, remember the new book I have been working on? It’s now two. I decided (based on advice from a few folks) that two would be better than one. One was going to be about 350 pages! So, we made it two.

The first one is on to the final proof reading stage. That book is called “Life In The Rear-View Mirror”. The second book will focus on the church, and a lot of what we have been processing over the past couple years regarding all that. I really think there’s some great stuff in there. It has been an issue in the forefront of our thoughts over 2004-2005, and so there is a great deal of material I have written on that subject. That book is still nameless, and definitely close to being ready for the final proof read.

Exciting! 🙂

With the baby and all I have not been able to do much with it, but thought the update worth posting.

Stay tuned…

Speaking of madness…

Perhaps my life at the moment could be described as madness. Although, I must admit, just the fact that I am sitting here blogging is a good sign that there has been a slight reprieve in the constant happenings.

It all started … well, it all started quite some time ago, but for my purposes right now… it all started last Saturday morning at 5:35am. You most likely read how I awoke very early that Saturday morning to a spouse-less bed, and shortly thereafter, a rest-less spouse. She was ready to go, and so my adventure began.

Jen had packed well for the trip to the hospital, so it only took me ten minutes or so to wake myself up, and get the things we needed. I called our neighbor, and he came to stay with our kids while we hit the road. All of that went very well – way better than other times. It felt like one thing led to another led to another led to a baby. In the past, there have been times of waiting, or even “down times”. Not this time! It’s all a blur from the time I woke up s to the time the baby was born and beyond.

Another interesting thing we noticed later was the visitors. This was our first morning baby. All the others were born at least in the evening, if not the night time. So, after they were born, Jen was allowed to rest, and then we received visitors. But this time, because she was born at 8:23am on a Saturday, we had plenty of visitors, only hours after she was born! 🙂 Now don’t get me wrong, we loved it. In every way. But at the end of that day, we looked back on everything, and it was easy to see why we were more tired than usual.

Well, so far that hasn’t really stopped. 🙂

Just like each time we have a baby, I plan for months in advance to take some time off to take over the household responsiblities while Jen recovers. With Alex, I took a week off. With Kirstie, and now Julia, I have taken two weeks. I won’t be back in my office until Monday, March 27th. I am loving it so far, but I really understand very well now why Jen has a hard time getting ANYTHING else done during the day!!!! Three kids can be very demanding of your time. 🙂

I’ve been cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, doing dishes, changing diapers, changing bed sheets, reading, playing, running errands, driving to piano lessons, hosting friends and family, and all sorts of great things over the past 3 days so far. It really has been wonderful. But it’s not stop. From 9:30am (when the kids get up) till about 10:30pm… there is constant activity. Today, I had to put a stop to that for 45 min, so I had the boys lay down on their beds. There was a bit more craziness than usual, so I thought the break to be necessary. It was. Alex slept for a long nap, and Ian I think got some rest that helped him. And, I got a break. Long enough to take a shower and get a few other things done.

So, from about 9-9:30am, and 10:30 or 11:00pm till ???, I get things done that I need to do with no kids to direct. Last night I paid the bills, and other things financial. I usually finish cleaning the kitchen, fold laundry, and other various things. I also check emails at this point, and answer them if able. Then, since it’s late enough by then for a midnight snack, I usually grab something while I watch a video from iTunes or DVD or something.

My days are long. But, you’ve heard this already.

I just wanted to officially commend Mom’s again. Mom’s rock. Especially moms who can take care of, and direct activities for 3 small children ALL DAY LONG and STILL get other stuff done somehow – all while feeling well rested.

Those moms rock.

And in honor of moms everywhere… I leave you with a special gift from a fellow Mr. Mom. A music video… starring another Mr….

Mr. T.

It’s about to begin. At 12:20pm EST, the madness will commence. 65 teams (what happened to 64?) will duke it out, in a manner of speaking, for NCAA hoops supremacy. It’s actually one of the greatest sports moments of each year, in my opinion. Lots of people who are not into college hoops during the season can get enthralled with any number of teams whom they have never heard of. I have done it. It’s great! The action is intense, and the finishes can be simply phenomenal.

This is also the time of the year when Jen and I remember first really hanging out together. We were in 10th grade. I believe we were even at our friend Adam’s house. The tournament was on. The (Univ of Mich) Fab Five were playing. They were good. But I was beginning to notice something more than basketball. Nothing official, or nothing really that I can point to. All I know is, Jen was different, and I knew that I wanted to be around her more often. And so, from some NCAA hoops in March of 1990, we now have a fourth baby with whom to watch NCAA hoops in 2006. Hard to believe sometimes.

I wonder if I was the favorite, or the underdog? 🙂