Tag / Parenting

by Greg

The Weekend That Was, Is, And Is To Come

Usually I don’t tell about a busy weekend in the middle of it, but I thought I’d make an exception today. I told a friend via e-mail (actually, it was on Facebook) that this weekend was going to be packed full… and I just wanted to write it down so I could remember what a crazy weekend the fifth weekend of July 2007 was. (And I can use this as a sort of “To Do” list for the things that we have yet to do …) 🙂

Last night I stayed up pretty late working on the song set for Sunday morning (read below) and chatting with various folks on the internet. (Why was everyone else on so late??) I was also doing a little prep work for a possible interview with Brian Moorman, the Buffalo Bills punter. All of this while knowing the day today would begin quite early. It didn’t matter… something kept me going. The tasks, yes, but somehow I was just awake.

I finally hit the sack around 3:45 or so, and just felt really awake. So, sometime after 4:00 I finally drifted off to sleep, only to hear the shrill sound of my alarm at 8:00am. It seemed like mere moments. 🙂

I think I hit snooze. 🙂 Then I rolled out of bed around 8:15 or so and tried to wake myself up with some tea and reading emails and blogs. (Yes, believe it or not, some had been updated between 4:00am and 8:00am…) I did a little more prep for the potential interview with the Bills punter, and got a call around 8:50am from our friends for whom I had so early arisen. They needed help moving, so I offered to help before training camp began that afternoon.

Well, turns out they had packed their computers already, but had forgotten to check the emails for where to get the moving truck. 🙂 So, my friend joined me at our breakfast table for a quick check of his email, and then was off to get the truck with his wife. Good thing we were running a little behind, though. I had a few errands to run.

At 9:30 am, I headed out on foot to get the song sheet prepared the night before to the church on the corner. I delivered that, then headed to our library to drop off a video. Off to the post office next (a few blocks away) to check for a hosting payment that has STILL not arrived. Box was empty. (Except for a decent Pizza Hut coupon…) So, scratch that trip to the bank I had planned.

Instead I just headed straight over to our friends’ house to start loading up the truck. Except… no truck. They hadn’t left right when I thought they had, so it was going to be a while. Already 10:00, I decided to walk back and check on Jen. That was probably good as when I got back, I was able to reply to a phone message regarding a meeting later on that day to get our new Buffalo Bills Review t-shirts!

(Are you still with me?) 🙂

So after about 30 minutes at home, I headed back to the moving house and the truck was there! We managed to move a decent amount of boxes and firmly entrenched furniture. So, even though I had to leave around noon, I felt like my time had been at least slightly useful to them. That was nice.

When I got home, I helped get lunch ready (at least helped Jen decide what to warm up from the fridge!) and showered, then checked on the interview one more time. It just felt rushed in the middle of everything else we were trying to do – so I decided to postpone it. I eventually e-mailed my Bills contact and asked to set it up for later.

But we still had plenty to do.

1:30pm, all are fed, most is ready for the trip to BILLS TRAINING CAMP!!! We were to meet our friends the Drakes there (he co-hosts the Buffalo Bills Review with me) as well as that t-shirt delivery guy. That all went off without (much of) a hitch. We ended up even parking in the VIP parking lot, since we looked sort of official. Yes, it was a bending of the rules (I need an official pass to do that) but we were treated kindly by an understanding parking lot attendant.

Bills camp was fun! Weather was decent (not too hot!) and it was just SO FUN to see the Buffalo Bills right in FRONT of us again!!!! It was a relatively light workout, but was still fun to watch. Some good plays made.

In addition to the football, I was there on official business. A friend loaned me his iPod recording device (you stick it in your iPod) and so I went around to various fans asking them if they’d like to be on our show. A few politely declined, but most said, “Sure!” It was a lot of fun. Really perfect stuff for our show, which we say is “The Show By Bills Fans, For Bills Fans”. It even says that on our shirts. 🙂

After camp was over we headed out for some dinner together at a nearby McDonald’s. It has a great PlayPlace, so that was the perfect choice. I had a fantastic Asian salad, by the way. Hadn’t ever had their fancy salads. Marie got one, and it looked good… so I did too 🙂 Thanks, Marie! 🙂

The PlayPlace was a good idea… but… it got WAY too loud. So we decided to hang out a bit more, and finish the afternoon/evening with some ice cream!!! (Yes, in fact, it IS National Ice Cream Month…) We got some Abbott’s custard (a Rochester favorite) at Bill Gray’s (add that to the ice cream list for the month!) and then finally parted ways as all of our children were just about completely exhausted.

I was getting there, too!

But one of the coolest parts of the day happened AFTER all of the other cool stuff! As we left the restaurant, it had just finished raining, and the sun was coming out again. Looking toward the eastern sky, there was a humongous FULL rainbow from one side of the sky to the other. Even a bit of a double rainbow on the left side. It was just fantastic!

BUT WE WEREN’T DONE!

As we drove home… another rainbow appeared in the Eastern sky… this one WAY more colorful, brighter, or whatever the proper description is. It was a full rainbow across the sky in front of us. It as quite bold, and just really amazingly beautiful. There was definitely a double rainbow this time. In fact, the double was almost complete! Simply incredible! I think the best rainbow I have ever seen. Certainly none top it. Could only equal it.

After the spectacular shows in the sky, we finally were home… and just got everyone ready for bed. We watched a quick episode of the Little Einsteins, then did baths/showers/etc. Once everyone was in bed, it was time for Dad to make Skyline for tomorrow’s lunch, so, Jen & I spent a little time in the kitchen, listening to this week’s God Journey podcast as I cooked and cleaned up a bit.

Oh yeah.. did the laundry in there too… 🙂

Whew. Glad Friday is over. But there are TWO MORE DAYS!

Quick preview…

  • Our friends are bringing their girls over tomorrow so they can have a kidless day to get some final preparations done for a trip to the Dominican Republic coming up soon. We can’t support their trip financially, but we can make their prep a bit easier by taking their kids! Plus, we love having them come over and visit… 🙂
  • Speaking of visits… our friends the Falkes will be dropping by for lunch (SKYLINE CHILI!!) in the late morning. They head to Canada fairly soon to begin working with a church there… so it’s one last good-bye before they head about 3000 miles to our west. 🙂
  • After a day with our friends’ girls, we’ll head over to Chill & Grill together before they all go back home. Haven’t gotten to do that all Ice Cream Month with them, so that will be very nice. 🙂
  • Sunday morning we’ll be providing the music for the “Worship In The Park” service put on by First Baptist Church in Palmyra. They asked us if we’d do that, and we happily agreed. Nice folks. Will be kinda cool singing outside and stuff. Plus… they’re feeding us, so… it was pretty much a no-brainer. 😉
  • Sunday afternoon we’ll be meeting some clients/friends of mine who are on a tour of the northeast from their home in Texas. It’s a New England vacation, and we are one of the stops! 🙂 It will be great to meet them, even if it’s only a brief visit. I designed the site EzzoTruth.com for them. It will be nice to finally meet them. 🙂

Oh my goodness golly this is long! I think I will stop for now. I’ll of course share any stories that deviate from the planned activities listed above. 🙂

by Greg

Where Do You Apply Grace?

Lately due to many different factors, our children have been both extra tired, and definitely extra tiresome. They have been frustrating both Jen and me in various (mostly little) ways. Silly, childish things… but whether they are “just kids” or not, they are still frustrating. And after a build up of lots of small things… they can seem very large, and overwhelming.

Last night after the kids went to bed, when the house was quiet and I was cleaning up from the day, I was thinking of them. Of the kids who had just so frustrated me with their attitudes, their selfishness, their carelessness, their clumsiness. And I didn’t think of any of that. I thought of how much I love each one of them. I thought of how they make me smile. I thought of how sad I was that I ever get harsh with them. (Yes, out of my parental frustration, I have been known to be stern, harsh, strict… whatever you want to call it.)

Kids are great, and they (mostly) only remember the good stuff, too. When morning comes, no one remembers the hardness of the last moments of the day. It’s just another chance at another day of life together. And that’s great!

Grace does not have an expiration dateBut what I was wondering in the quiet was, How do I bring in the grace?

See, one big example from recent times involves my oldest son Ian. “Your oldest???” you ask? Yes, even though we have a one year old, a three year old, and a super-energetic five year old… this story of frustration involves our soon-to-be nine year old! Ian has a track record of spilling things. He has trouble focusing sometimes, and just forgets where his appendages are or where other objects are in relation to his body. It happens a LOT. So, when Ian spilled the vase with the 10th anniversary roses (and plenty of 10th anniversary water in it), and it got all over a bunch of toys that were underneath where they were sitting… I was really angry.

I was angry because we’ve been over this. We’ve told Ian to watch where he is going, what he is doing. We’ve cleaned up too many spills to remember. And, I was extra frustrated because of the timing. This particular time I was feeling very time crunched, and didn’t have room to add ANYTHING else – like a major clean up in aisle seven.

I did not mince words. I was not really “mean”… but I wasn’t nice. I scolded Ian for his carelessness. Then I got mad at his self-pity for feeling like I was telling him he’s “clumsy”. What a crazy cycle! We made it out of that alright, and the rest of the night went OK.

The next day, I found a wet spot on the carpet. It was under the roses – which were WAY up on a tall surface. “Nooo… he couldn’t have…” I thought. I was wrong. When I found Ian, he got the guilty look on his face, and confessed to having once again knocked the flowers over, and he told me he did try to clean it up. I was angry again – mostly incredulous. (If you could see where these flowers were, you’d be right with me on that…) I did not as much scold him this time, mostly just took the opportunity to let him know how unlikely it was that he could actually spill the flower vase from there. And I told him to just let me know when it happens, not let me find out for myself.

But he probably won’t. Because I don’t know how to show him grace. At least not in that area. I mean, we’re past the grace, right? I’ve given him lots of grace… now he needs to learn how to actually be responsible. To change his ways. To NOT spill stuff all the time, making lots more work for Dad, and ruining our stuff. He has to learn that doesn’t he? I have a right to be frustrated… right???

While I certainly can’t dismiss my feelings in these moments – the frustration seems quite understandable – it is almost silly when I pretend those questions above are valid. If I really get grace, then I know that they are not. Grace does not have an expiration date. Grace lasts forever. No matter how many times Ian is clumsy, no matter how many times it’s his fault, no matter how much of our stuff he ruins… I still love him, and his heart – and our relationship – is more important than my stuff, or his being able to not spill stuff.

It may seem like a silly example, but for whatever reason it has been extremely hard for me to extend grace to Ian – whom I love – in that area. I am asking God to show me how and when I can change that, so that Ian can know that he can fail and that won’t affect our relationship. It doesn’t… but I don’t think that I let him know that very well.

So do you have any examples? Any thoughts? How do you parent with grace, and yet sustain the boundaries and guidelines and moral and other instruction that children need? I know that context is supreme, but I’d love to hear your success stories.

Until then, I will continue to look for examples to extend grace to my kids, and in so doing, probably learn a lot about grace extended to me.

by Greg

One More Alex Story

Alex reminded me before lunch today that I am the “Kingdom of the family. Because you’re the tallest.” He’s pretty sure I’m in charge. I told him that I am not… Jesus is the King of our family, and we listen to him. Then he told me, “Well, you’re the king of us, the kids.” And I said, “For a little while. I get to try and show you the best way to live, as best I know how.”

Then I continued, “But, later on, when you’re old like me, then you get to make your own decisions…”

“Yeah! I can do anything I want!” he interrupted.

“Yes, based on hopefully the good foundation that I have given you, so you can make wise choices.” I continued, “Then when you’re old, I won’t be your “king” anymore. But hopefully, you can be my friend.”

That made him smile. A few moments later he started dreaming about this adult relationship with Dad. He said, “Maybe I’ll get married… and we’ll live in the house next to the Toneses (our next door neighbors). And of course you’ll be my friend… cause I used to be your son!!!“

At that point, I assured him that he’ll still be my son, I just won’t be his “king”. 🙂

Then he concluded with, “And I’ll come visit you every day!”

Alex is too cute. 🙂

by Greg

Oh, To Be Noticed

Julia & DadA few times today I noticed my infant daughter, and recognized her with a smile or just by saying her name. Obviously it was just a small gesture of kindness, but for some reason, it means the world to her. Maybe especially from Dad? But regardless of the one who is noticing, it was very easy to see that she enjoys being noticed.

Don’t we all? Even from such an early age, to be recognized just for being… it can be a lonely world inside yourself. So, to have another person stop what they are doing and focus their attention on you, even if only for a moment… it stirs up some pretty exciting emotions in my daughter, let me tell you! 🙂 She starts bouncing, and smiling so hard it seems her mouth might expand right off her face! It makes her day when you just notice her.

I thought that was cute. I hope to have many chances to “notice” her tomorrow. You should try it, too. I’m sure there’s someone tomorrow whom you will come across that you could “notice” with a smile, or a greeting, or even a conversation. I don’t know if it will make their day like it does Julia’s, but I’m sure it will be appreciated.

That’s why there are books about purpose and significance and all that jazz… it’s what we want. Maybe what we were made for. The cool thing is, we are noticed. Our Father notices everything about us. Our first, our last, and every moment in between. It’s easy to miss that sometimes. We feel unnoticed. Unimportant. Not sure if that’s what my 8 month old daughter feels, but it sure lights up her world – and her face! – when she does realize that she is significant enough to draw my attention, even for only a few seconds.

It does make a difference. It will be noticed.