I was thinking today… I bet that you – no matter how much you may read this blog – may not know the following three things about me…
Betcha didn’t know.
We like to watch football on Sundays. A lot. We usually have football on from about 12 noon till 11pm or later. We don’t sit in front of the TV that whole time, but it’s just on.
That said, we are super thankful for Tivo. Any time a commercial comes on we hit “pause” because mostly, commercials if not completely offensive, they’re just not so good for little eyes. (Or ours!) We have noticed though that the worst ones seem to be the ones advertising the TV shows on that network! And today I found it humorous that the line they add to every show promo is, “Viewer Discretion Advised.”
I think they could just slap that on TV in general.
I saw the new Knight Rider show this week, and though I thought it was a pretty good story, and I really want to like it, it just goes too far. Too much skin, too many inappropriate sexual references… and all TV is like that. We were longing for the “old days” when you could send your kids in to watch a show and not worry about it. Definitely not true today… the shows aren’t even “safe” for me 🙁
It’s OK. There are better things to do than watch TV, but I have found that you really could apply that phrase almost across the board on all shows on all networks.
Viewer Discretion Advised.
Yesterday as I was walking through the mall on my lunch break at Apple, I was reminded again that I really am old. 🙂
Yes, I realize I am exaggerating a bit. Turning 34 soon does not in most circles qualify as old, but it seems that at the mall… it does!
First of all, most of my co-workers at the Apple store are all a good bit younger than me. It’s an interesting experience, actually. But, perhaps more on that later…
As I was walking from lunch back to my afternoon shift yesterday, I noticed that the mall was pretty empty, but there was a high concentration of young moms with very young kids. Then I noticed that these young moms… looked like kids themselves! Are moms of two and three year olds really that young??? Did we (Jen) look that young when Ian was only 2 or 3???
Probably. 🙂
Just a funny moment of realizing that, yeah… I am getting old!
I am just a little bit afraid right now. As I type this, I am sitting on my porch in the middle of either the remnants of, or the after effects of hurricane Ike. Mind you, I live in western New York state. Hurricanes don’t usually affect us much more than a long, steady soaking.
It’s really amazing. I was writing an article for my Buffalo Bills site and kept hearing things falling outside. I remembered it was going to be windy, but didn’t realize the magnitude. I checked in on it every once in a while, but wanted to finish my article tonight, and head to bed.
As I was turning stuff off to head to bed, the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves picked up. Perhaps because I was shutting things down, or perhaps it really was picking up. Either way, I was drawn to it. I just wanted to sit on the porch and observe this amazing power that was sweeping over us.
When I first sat down, the leaves of the trees were swirling and swaying and thrusting back and forth like crazy. The sound was just amazing. So loud. I could see the effects of the wind in the trees right above me (we have several very large trees on our property) and in the distance, in our neighbors’ yards across the way.
Either way it was impressive.
I noticed that I actually began humming a tune from the Chris Tomlin CD we recently purchased, “Hello Love”. The lyric goes something like the old hymn, “Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, early in the morning we will sing…” I thought that was cool, and sort of odd. Certainly made sense that my brain would automatically pull that from the file. We all learn that bigness, and huge, visible power are equated with God. His majesty is awesome and terrifying. “Holy, holy, we bow down before Thee…” Sitting in the middle of this storm, it made sense to feel that, and to feel this tension that still quickens my pulse.
But almost in the same instant that I involuntarily sang that song, I also contemplated the way that I have come to know the One who made the wind. I know him as my Father. As the One who calls me his friend, his son. While he is still the same in his divine superiority to me, my relationship with him is different than it was a five or ten years ago, when I might have understood him more in a position of unworthiness and fear and trembling.
The image that comes to mind is that of my own children. In the middle of a heated moment, I can be fairly terrifying to them. Either because of my anger (which I wish was less directed at them) or because of their guilt and wrong-doing… either way, there is a “healthy” fear. I’m way bigger than they are. And I am the “law”, the “judge” and “jury”. Their fate rests in my hands. I am always surprised at how even when I am angered by something they have done, they can still stand right in front of me, not afraid of what might happen to them… and sometimes even reach out for a genuine, comforting hug.
It should not surprise me, though. The reason that I do not feel the need to confirm my fear of my Father is because he continues to reveal to me the depth of his love for me. And the more I understand his love for me, the more I can trust myself near him. Even if he is holy, awesome, terrifying, mighty, powerful, and all of those big, scary words.
His love – and my relationship to it – trumps the fear that I might otherwise have.
Another thought that comes to mind as I still am awed by this crazy display of “power” all around me (probably 30-40 mph gusts!) is the time when God to revealed himself to Elijah. Elijah was depressed, and God wanted to show him who he was, and how he works, so he said, “Go out and stand before me on the mountain.”
Here’s the section from 1 Kings:
“Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.
1 Kings 19:11-12
God was not in the things we think he would be in. He wasn’t in the stuff that we consider “powerful.” He was in the whisper. I don’t think Elijah still got in, because he just asked God the same thing. I’m certain that we still “don’t get it” because we keep thinking that God is distant, awe-inspiring (in the celestial, humongous way) and to be feared.
But who fears a whisper?
We don’t. Perhaps we should. There are plenty of references to people fearing God. And of course there are reasons to… until you know him. And then, even though there may be moments… when you really think about it, all you want to do is get a genuine, comforting hug from the One whom some would fear.
We see power very differently. I’m still in awe of this display of power tonight. This wind can knock down very large limbs. It already has. I’ll have some clean up to do tomorrow. I could definitely be hurt by flying, falling, heavy objects. There is reason to fear. (Though I am safely under the overhang of my porch…)
But as I learn to trust my Father, based on daily life lived with him, I do not fear him as I once may have. My fear has been “cast out” by his perfect love. And that love continues to deepen. I will never understand it fully, but the more I do, the more I can sit calmly in the presence of the Mighty, Fearsome, Terrifying Lord of Lords.
His power is not in his display of grandiose showmanship (though that can be cool!), but rather in his love for me, and his choosing to serve rather than be served. (Like we see Jesus doing for his disciples.)
I certainly don’t have any definitive answers. But these are my thoughts, in the middle of a wind storm, this late summer night.
I’ve been thinking about “home” a little bit recently. We were visiting family this weekend who live about an hour and a half from our home. I was thinking about how if we lived there, it wouldn’t ever quite feel like home. At least, to me. It would feel like we were always visiting. Never home.
A friend of ours is a native of Argentina, but also a citizen of Italy (and lived there for several years) and now resides here in New York. (Married to a US citizen.) So she has many homes, and in a way, often feels like she’s “not home”.
Home is interesting. It’s definitely a location, but it’s also a state of mind. The Bible says we who follow Jesus are foreigners. That we are never quite home. We read about the first disciples of Jesus today (the boys and I) who left everything at Jesus’ simple invitation to, “Come follow me.” He had no home, they had no home. They were travelers. Foreigners. Strangers.
Jen & I have also noticed recently how different we are. We are not like most of the people we know. Our priorities, what we want our family to live like, be like, look like. We’re different. We feel, quite often, like foreigners.
So, how do you endure that? I guess the way you do is to know that no matter where we are in this life we are always foreigners. We are never home. We belong somewhere else, and until we leave this life or Jesus comes back for us, we’ll always feel a little homesick.
With all the burdens of this foreign place that I am bearing lately, I am definitely “longing for home”. For peace. Rest. But, that time has not come yet.
For now, I enjoy the “home” that God has given me. My beautiful wife, and five amazing kids. And our little yellow house. 🙂 Oh that life were only that simple.
Perhaps it can be.
We were looking at old slides last night at my wife’s family reunion. We get together every Labor Day weekend, and this time, at Jen’s request, Dad broke out the old slide projector and we spent an hour or so looking at old photos.
Almost every photo brought laughs along with a funny story or two. Sometimes it took a bit longer to remember a particular story, at least every detail of it. And often, someone would comment how one of the now parents look just like their offspring. Our little Kirstie looks a lot like her mommy used to!
But as I looked at the photos, I kept thinking, “It’s not totally like Kirstie…” (And not just because I think she looks like me…) 🙂 There was just something very different, even though there was a lot the same.
That got me to thinking about how we are all a mix of half mom and half dad. (And all of the people that went into that before them!) There’s one part of dad and one part of mom, so I suppose that’s true. Even still, when you look at some people, you can’t help but say, “Wow! You look like your mom!” (Or, Dad, as the case may be.)
So where does the other half go? 🙂
I have also noticed lately a pretty cool (and sometimes hard) thing about kids. Not only do they get physical traits passed down through the generations, they also get personality traits. Inside stuff that is harder to see. I think that’s so fascinating. I like to think that I just am who I am. And, certainly that’s true. The combination of “traits” I have from my parents and all my ancestors makes me unique, just like everyone is unique. But partly, I am also just like my mom, dad, grandmas, grandpas, etc.
How crazy is that? 🙂
So somewhere in that little Kirstie who looks so much like her mommy is half of her daddy. I’m sure some of it can be seen in physical traits, but it will be interesting to watch her and see myself in her mirror. Hopefully she got mostly my good traits. 🙂
What I have noticed over my five years of blogging is that blogging is very much about the moment. If I try to get to something later, maybe even get a few paragraphs into a draft version here, it never happens. Or, if it could, it doesn’t seem relevant anymore. (To either reader or writer.)
That’s one reason why this blog has been so silent lately. It’s not that there are not things to comment on, or discuss… it’s just that there is never enough time to sit down and post something “in the moment”. I really thought there would be more here as I am taking several days off in a row, but there has not been. My days used to freer somehow, and I was already sitting at my computer… so posting to the blog in a sort of “stream of consciousness” way was very natural. Not so any more!
I have thoughts on the whole political race. Actually, much of what I think of senator Obama remains true. Read here and here if you are interested. (Posts from March and April of this year.) I have been working on our Buffalo Bills Show. Super fun stuff going on there! And I would love to share more stories from our family… always learn a lot from interaction with my kids!
I could also tell you about the crazy environmental “humans are bad” speech we got at the aquarium yesterday during the sea lion show…
But… at least… not right now.
So, from experience… never. You’ll have to hear that one from me in person. 🙂
The blog will roll on. Life will shift again, and there will be moments to jump into the e-stream of consciousness. There are still plenty of thoughts from Greg’s Head… but the “moments” to share them have been fewer and much farther between!
Stay tuned…
It’s probably not even accurate, but tonight while I was playing a game of Monopoly with my nine-year-old son, Ian, I couldn’t help but notice how the game paralleled life – and how I did not like that.
First off, it was just a really fun night. We call them OK Nights. (One Kid Nights.) It’s been Ian’s turn for a while, but as my prolonged silences here at GregsHead.net demonstrate, there is not much time for, well, anything these days. Not much time, and not much money. Which factored into the decision to do Ian’s OK Night in our basement. (That, and the huge thunderstorms that were wreaking havoc on our entire area tonight…) It all worked out, as Ian loves the game Monopoly (and so do I!) and we shared a nice pot of tea while we played together.
Ian even learned how to find 10% of something tonight. Bonus home school lesson!
But my lesson was in the crazy notion that to make money you have to have money. It’s true in life, and in Monopoly, and vice versa.
Poor Ian had me on the ropes. He had Boardwalk and Park Place with 3 houses on each. I managed to find my piece on Boardwalk shortly following his new construction project, and owed him $1400! That’s a lot for Monopoly! I had to mortgage several properties, and spend all my cash, but I managed to stay in the game. A few lucky rolls, and I had enough cash to stick around long enough for Ian to land on one of my expensive properties. But somehow, that was his undoing.
He also stuck around for a while, but no matter what we tried to do, he just couldn’t dig out of the hole that the first big hotel stay got him into. The problem started to become that in order to pay his debts, he had to get rid of all the stuff that could make him money. So in essence, he was getting rid of any chance he had to win, even though he was still in the game.
I, on the other hand, kept collecting Ian’s money… and then, since my cash stash was growing larger, I invested in more houses. I even bought a mortgaged monopoly from Ian… paid the bank, built houses, and cashed in again on Ian. It was too easy. As I cruised effortlessly around the board (because of my cushy abundance of wealth) Ian fretted every roll of the dice.
It was so crazy to see how it really does “take money to make money.” I really couldn’t believe it. But it was true. Somehow, but a bit of strategy, and admittedly, a bit of luck, I managed to make the first amount of money, and then from there wise investing made the money earn money for me.
Right now my problem seems to be what Ian’s problem was. Debt and other ongoing expenses keep me in a position of not having any vehicles to earn income. If I do, it seems to be just a little, and then it goes right back out to someone else. That’s a frustrating place to be.
So, I have not figured out in the real world how to take the next step to get just enough money to start making money from having money… but maybe some day.
Perhaps I should just play a few more games of Monopoly with Ian? 🙂
I got back just a while ago from my first shift at the Apple store. I was really looking forward to it, wondering just how it would actually play out. I know Macs, for sure, but I didn’t really know how thing go at the store. I knew I was going to tag along with a more experienced Apple Specialist (that’s what I am doing also) so I figured it would just be fun.
What happened was great, but very unexpected.
When I got there, it was obvious that it had been pretty busy. I wasn’t quite sure what to do, but found the manager on duty and they tried to pair me up with someone… but there was no one to be found. They finally decided on someone, but he was on break. After lots of indecision, I offered (if they were OK with it) to just jump in, with no training. 🙂 The person who was assigning me my duties confirmed that with me, and then, in a bit of desperation perhaps, said, “OK! Get out there!”
I headed into the sea of people and found a mom and daughter standing by the laptops whose body language suggested they were not certain what to do next. I approached them and introduced myself, and explained that even though this was my very first shift, I would try to help them best I could. And help I did. After fifteen minutes or so, and explaining all the great stuff Apple has to offer (that applied to them) they were ready to make their purchase! I really couldn’t believe how fun (and easy?) it was!
From then on, it never stopped. Ever. It was 9:01 when I actually did not see anyone who looked like they would like assistance. 5:30-9:00 … straight. Every minute was spent talking to someone about Macs, and selling lots of stuff! It was fun and crazy! (They assured me that it’s not usually that busy!) 🙂
And do you know what I did when there was no customer to assist? I found some fellow employees to talk to. I asked one of the other “new hires” how she liked her second shift. I spoke with a few of the other Specialists. I met one of the Creatives (the guys who train people in using their Macs) and talked with him at length about Macs and their software.
By the time all was done, it was just after 11pm that I was getting in the van and heading home.
I called Jen. I couldn’t wait to. I had wanted to. We have a cell phone that is pay as you go, and the minutes are super low right now, so I only told her a few quick things, and then said we’d get to chat more when I got home. And I couldn’t wait to do that. But then, as I was going home a different way, I thought of our very good friends (one of whom is in Mexico right now!) and I decided to call the one who is not in Mexico to see how all of that was going. (I had forgotten that normal people don’t feel like it’s 5pm at 11pm….) Again, with limited cell minutes, we only spoke for 2-3 minutes, but here’s my point.
I am energized by being with people. I literally can not get enough.
When I got home, I told Jen some stories from my first shift, and I listened to her stories of what she and the kids did. We chatted about various things, and she finally asked, “Aren’t you hungry?”
I thought about it and then said, “No. I’m really not.” And kinda chuckled about it. I hadn’t eaten since lunch (12:30) so… I should have been hungry…. but… I really wasn’t.
The only thing I could figure was that being with people – and helping them learn about Macs – energized me. To the point that I didn’t even notice or feel hunger? I didn’t even need food!
And even though I needed to take a shower from the day, I really didn’t want to. The only thing I could tell Jen was that it seemed, “boring” … that’s not a word I use, so that was weird. But I think I figured out that all I wanted to do was stay with Jen, and keep enjoying the interaction. I really love interaction with other people. A lot. Like, I never really want a time where there isn’t interaction. Maybe I do, but it’s very rare. (You could argue that me writing this blog is a form of “interaction” as well…)
So, it’s most definitely settled. I am a people person to my core, and that is most certainly what I need to be doing with my time. I need to be with people. We have seven living in this house, so I have that covered, but it really puzzles me why God has given me office work to do. Granted I do get to work with people on some level, but mainly I am working by myself at my desk most of my days.
After tonight, I am just reminded that it is nice that God gives me relatively short chapters. Hopefully the next one more directly involves interaction with people. 🙂
The past three weeks – maybe four – have been mostly a blur. I’ve been sleeping even less than normal, and been working much more than normal … and yet, there is a strange contentment like I have not recently known.
For quite sometime, financial pressures have been slowly bearing down on us, threatening to completely crush us. Well, at one point early this month, it seemed they would. We were at the end, literally, of every financial rope. We really didn’t know what to do.
So, I decided to try this online package that was only $499.95 that promised I could be making $600,000.00/week in just three short steps! The first week, my check was only $4537.84, but the second week, it tripled to $12,450.32! Now I’m getting checks for over $50,000/week!!! It worked for me, and I can share all my secrets with you in my online resource, “Everything I know about making money online, and why it will work for you!” – at a discounted rate for all GregsHead.net readers – only $399.95!!! So act now!
No. I didn’t do that. But I was tempted to… 🙂
See, what really happened was I just let go. I already knew that stuff is just stuff, and if we even lost all of it, we’d still be OK. Life would go on. It would be different, but it would go on. I had been holding on so tight that when the money didn’t come in, and “God didn’t provide” I would just borrow more money (usually with credit cards) to pay for what we obviously “needed.”
What I have come to learn (really, again) is that God gives us what we need. And if we don’t have what we “need”, then we don’t need it. (Note: I want to say “probably don’t need it” there, but I am really learning that I don’t need the probably!) The key to the whole things is contentment. Content with what we have, and trusting that God will provide our “daily bread.”
And he has.
Seriously, since we decided to just live on what we have – and have not used any credit cards in any way since then, probably four weeks – we have had everything we needed. I have been working many more hours (because I have always had the work, but never had the time to do it… hoping this extra work time is just to dig out of the hole we are currently in!) and so that has helped, but beyond that, there has been the generosity of some friends, as well as funny little moments along the way.
Like this one:
Last Monday, after paying some bills, buying some food… we literally had just a few dollars left. Jen’s parents had just gotten home from a three-week vacation tour, and were coming to see the grandkids and give us a chance to go out for our summer anniversary (the day we decided to get married, July 16). I really, really wanted to take Jen to Red Robin as she has been wanting to do that for a very long time, but the cost was definitely prohibitive! So, with no money, we just weren’t going to be able to do it. Unless… God wanted to give that to us. So, Jen asked him.
Not too long after Jen asked our Dad for enough money to go to Red Robin that night, I got an IM from a friend who I do some web work for… he needed a hosting account, ASAP. 🙂 So, I told him what it would cost, sent him the invoice, and he paid right away (and he paid a ridiculous bonus amount as well!) I told Jen, and she told me excitedly, “I asked God to do that!!“
How awesome is that? 🙂
So, the point is not “don’t use credit cards, just ask God for money for fancy date-night cuisine.” The point is that we have found such contentment living on what we have. We are still in a pretty big financial hole, but God keeps providing, and giving us ideas I think, and we are listening and happily enjoying what God gives us – rather than going ahead of him, as I think we were before, to things he had not yet given us. Even things like food, gas, etc. Now if we don’t have the cash, we don’t get it.
And we have not been wanting. (Which is partially due to God’s provision, and partially due to our contentment. Both working together.)
He really does love us, and take care of us. We know that, and we are getting to see it even closer and more clearly every day now. Honestly, though I don’t like the financial pressure of where we are, and can’t wait to pay off this debt, I hope that we will always be able to see so clearly how God provides – daily – for exactly what we need.
It’s a fantastic place to be!
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
Matt 6:34 (MSG)
