Going way back to my college years – when I first started to grasp the reality of life with a living and interactive God who loves me more than I can possibly imagine – I have seen God lead me. Almost step by step.

When I was a student at the University of Buffalo, studying English towards the goal of being a journalist as my profession, God began to gently suggest to me that I should somehow make a “career” (my word, not his) out of helping people understand him the way I had come to. He had finally reached me as the living Being that he is, not just the main Protagonist of the stories I heard at Sunday school. Not only was he alive, and reaching out to me, he loved me and accepted me completely, and wanted me to do life together with him. This was fantastic, and he was right, it’s what I wanted to spend my life doing: helping people know him like I had come to know him.

So, following his lead, I transferred to Cincinnati Bible College to pursue some “career” in “ministry”. I have said before, I had no intention of being a preacher, or pastoring a church, or anything like that. I just wanted to make spend my days helping people know Jesus. It was up to God to show me what that would be.

For two years I studied under people who had spent many more years that me studying Scripture. I still very much appreciate those days and weeks and months spent learning from those guys. I may not feel exactly the same way about every detail in Scripture, but I respect them and am glad to have learned from them.

Right about the time we were to graduate, it seemed God had directed me to work with college students, and I had an opportunity to do so at Miami University in Oxford, OH. I was all set to go there when – I believed then and do believe now – he opened another door, and suggested I go through it.

A tiny church in Victor, NY was looking to hire a youth and worship minister, and their main candidate was my college roommate! Add to that the fact that the preacher there was the brother of Jen, who was even then one of my bestest friends. There were many appealing things, and it seemed God was saying, “Go there.” So, I did.

And there were many fruitful years of meeting people, and I think, helping them know Jesus as I had come to know him (and was still growing in knowing him.) I (and later Jen too) worked with a couple fledgling groups at a couple different local colleges. We worked with college and young adult folks who were part of the church who had brought me in to work with them. All good, years well spent. Certainly there were difficulties, but only the fond memories remain.

Looking back now, that seems to have been a season of life working through the “local church”. (I don’t like to use that term, but you know what I mean when I say it.) I was chatting with a friend the other day and realized that God has been “suggesting” new avenues for me to help people know him in roughly five-year intervals. This one was from roughly 1996-2001. In 2001, we began (in earnest) a new journey.

And boy was it a journey! 🙂

2001 was the year that I resigned as the worship minister of that tiny church (which had grown quite a bit in those 5 years!) and began focusing full-time on our music, basic music ministries. God had actually led us back into that around 1999, and we were slowly moving toward it from 1999-2001, but it took several extenuating circumstances in that year to move us fully into the place I really believe he wanted us to be.

Looking back now I can see that God was completely leading that, arranging the places we would sing and share and help people to know him as we were coming to know him. It was really cool to see him lead and provide along the way, and more confirmation that he was the One behind all of it is that now, since we have transitioned to the next five-year phase… the music has almost completely dropped off the radar!

How did that happen? I really did not change that much in what I was doing. The requests to come share our music basically just stopped coming in! Before, they came all the time. But in 2004, God prepared both Jen and me separately for a coming change. We weren’t sure what it would be, but were confident he was “suggesting” again.

We realized in the middle of a tour that it was time to lay that down and see what else God had for us. My only inkling was that I could probably do web design for people. Up to that point I only did my own and two or three others, very much on the side.

But again, God confirmed immediately that we had made the right decision. Almost the instant we agreed with him that we should not schedule future tours, and “lay down” a “ministry” that seemed to be still in its prime… the requests came pouring in. For web design!

Too funny. So amazing to see God provide and lead like this. The year 2005 was spent phasing out of the music “career” (for now, at least) and phasing in the web and graphic design “career”. The other very obvious “phase” that we are in now is the family phase! We have five young kids now, three of whom have been born since Feb 2004. That is certainly another emphasis of this current “five-year phase”. 🙂

So 1996-2001 was local church related. 2001-2006 was our musical phase (roughly, as 2005 was still fairly populated with musical things). And now since 2006 I have been doing web and graphic design for people, and it has been the same as the music – completely at God’s provision. He is the one who has brought every single client to me. Every one. I have not advertised, nor sought out new clients. Haven’t had to! God has again led the way!

But there’s the issue I face today, and have faced recently. Maybe even most of this “phase”. I don’t think I am made to do what I am doing, nor do I really enjoy it – at least, not as much as I had the other things.

Am I just ungrateful? Am I missing God’s blessing? Certainly not that. As I have said, I am completely aware that God is providing this current “career” as a way to provide for our family. And certainly I am grateful for that. I am confused at how it still seems to not quite completely “provide” but I see him providing, and so I am confident that he will figure out the details.

This is the first phase that I am wishing would end sooner though.

Perhaps that is just a temporary glitch with me. Perhaps I am overwhelmed by other things in life? It is a lot to take care of five children! 🙂 Money is always an issue, as I know it is for most folks who will stumble across this blog entry. But really… I am frustrated. Frustrated by the provision I am seeing, and just not really wanting this particular provision.

Maybe it’s like my kids at the dinner table. I most always make meals considering their fairly limited pallets, but frequently they will still complain that the food is “not their favorite”. My typical response is to let them know that the current meal is all the food we have for tonight, and that they need to just eat it. Even though I know they don’t really like it that much, I know it is good, and their little bodies need it.

Perhaps it’s time to eat my vegetables?

I do certainly enjoy many parts of this current “tour of duty”. Really. I obviously love computers, and the internet, and have considerable knowledge and experience that I can offer to people. I also think I have a pretty good eye for design. There are certainly many ways that this current “career” that God has provided fits me well. I’m not sure why it’s not as fun. Could just be these are the vegetables I don’t like so much. According to the path I’ve trod so far, it would seem I have till 2010 or 2011 to figure it out. 🙂

If you’ve read this far you are a true friend, a good/fast reader, or just had some extra time to kill. I appreciate it. One way I process things is to write them out. God definitely – most definitely – made me a writer. A word smith. I look forward to that five-year phase. 🙂 (Certainly, that theme has woven through all of my years so far. But perhaps there will be a season where that is the primary focus?)

The best part of the story, and what keeps me going on? Very clearly seeing that God is leading all of this. This is where he wants me, and I know and love and trust him… and so I know it’s where I also want to be.

Just have to get my heart to match my head on that one.