I am NOT a fan of e-mail forwards. Mostly I skim the ones from my parents (my Dad likes to pass them along) and my sister (since she sends them less frequently)… but overall, I know they’re all just garbage. It would be like reading tabloids or something – purely for the entertainment value.

So, I got an email from my sister today that was HILARIOUS because it shows the INSANITY of the emails that get passed along. Two glaring examples they forgot to add are that Mars will soon be bigger than the moon in our night sky, and the fact that that dignitary from Nigeria never did send the money they needed to deposit in my bank account…. Other than that, this is a fairly comprehensive, classic slam of all e-mail forwards everywhere. 🙂

Enjoy!

Thanks

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I can’t enjoy a good Latte from Starbucks anymore because they WOULD NOT send any coffee to that poor Army Sgt who requested it. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer worry about sudden cardiac arrest, since I can now cough myself back to life instead of wasting time calling 911.

I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he’s told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician, who is a lawyer.

Have a wonderful day, and you are welcome !!

NOTE: I have mentioned before that I am weird. I see the world differently than everyone else on the planet, I think. So, just wanted to remind you of that before you read this particular post…

A friend of ours told us last night that their ten-year-old son will soon be baptized. That was great news, and at the same time, set my mind spinning down a path of thought that left me quite confounded. Now, don’t worry, this post is not to rile up the age-old baptism arguments. Actually, it has very little to do with that, and more to do with a piece of me that I still can not figure out. If you have not noticed, I process things fairly often by writing them out. I certainly am not presenting myself as any sort of authority on most things I post to this page (except for maybe Apple computers…) 🙂 It is a place where I can empty the contents of my head on a table, and sort through them, trying to organize and make sense of them.

When the happiness for my friend quickly wore off, what I began to think about was our seven-year-old son, and when he might want to be baptized. I began to think, “Well, my goodness… he’s probably “ready” now…” And then I began to question what “ready” means. When is anyone ever “ready” to make such a life-long decision? Who are we, his parents, to say he can or can not? Then I even started down a familiar path of questioning why even do the event in the first place??? Ian loves God, knows him, lives in the reality of his relationship to him … what difference would a religious ceremony make?

See, I tend to be quite dismissive of rituals and ceremonies. To me, they are only superfluous. They’re meaningless. (Again, I emphasize, to me.) The reality does not exist because of the ceremony, nor is it incomplete without it. Nothing magical happens because we undergo some ritual. I am not wedded to my wife because of some special words I said on October 18th, I committed to spend my life with her on July 17th, 1997. From that point on, I was married to her, in my heart. And, at least for me, that is more real than a pre-arranged moment.

Same goes for graduation. I did not graduate from Clarence High School, or Cincinnati Bible College because of a brisk walk across a stage (while wearing a silly hat and robe), a hand-shake, and a piece of paper. I graduated because of years of study and academic accomplishment.

The best explanation I could think of for my disdain for such events is my loathing of any sort of game playing or fakeness. It seems like to me that such ceremonies are removed from reality and we almost elevate them above the reality. I actually do understand that they are moments that we can reflect back on… I guess it also reminds me of what bothers me about most “events” we plan together as believers. They are contrived. Made up. We created them.

In Growing Kids God’s Way, the parenting course that Jen & I have been through a number of times, there is a bonus lesson called “Memorials”. In this lesson, Gary Ezzo talks about how God gave the Israelites lots of physical reminders of some great thing that he did for them. Rocks placed in a certain location would remind the passerby of the amazing thing God did for them right there. It would inspire an instant re-telling of the story to those who had not witnessed it. From that, we were encouraged to create a “shadow box”. In this box, we place little reminders of some moments in our lives where God did something amazing. For example, there’s a toy train that reminds us of the time that Jen’s grandpa was saved from a train wreck that would have killed him (and eliminated Jen and her Dad and our kids, etc.) There’s a water shoe from the time God led us on an amazing faith journey while on vacation in Florida. Lots of great things reminding us of the goodness of God, and the times where we clearly saw him working.

Aren’t those the same as a wedding, graduation or baptism? Well, no, I would say. Those things are only tiny reminders of the event that happened. Not an event we created to be a reminder. Perhaps that part is very important to me.

I guess in the end it comes down to my super core belief that we must live real life… completely real, no games, no “fakeness”. To me, ceremonies are fake. I know that is not the case for people who do them. Those who love ceremony are not embracing the make-believe. Somehow, there is something in me, though, that can not embrace what is not real.

I told Jen today that if I lived in a culture where ceremony was the core of who we were, I would probably just be killed for not adhering to the “right way” to do things. I love to watch the National Geographic and History Channels, but admittedly it does weird me out when the show is about the tribal cultures who have intense, (insane) rituals for various times and various stages of life. For example, some cultures think you have to go through super-painful slicing of your body, which leaves a scar tattoo, showing you are now an adult. There are various other rituals I don’t need to describe here.

We in America can watch that and say, “Whoa! That’s so crazy! Why would they think they have to do that???” But, I submit that it is exactly the same thing as a wedding ceremony, a graduation, a ribbon-cutting, or any other ceremony or ritual that we accept culturally. They probably think some of ours are weird. I’m sure they do, actually. But in the end, they are very much the same.

I wish my friends well. I am glad they are excited about the upcoming baptism. I am just much more excited that their son live a life-long journey with God than I am about a moment that is supposed to begin that journey. Just as I love the reality of my life-long relationship with Jen much more than I do that day in the middle of our relationship where we dressed up (yes, I know, I was just wearing khakis and a polo shirt, but for me… that was dressing up…) and had a party with our friends. I loved that day… it was fun. But the reality of the relationship – of everyday life – is so much more important to me, I guess. So much so that I could do without the ceremonies.

As I mentioned at the top, I am certainly no expert, and the beauty of posting my thoughts via this medium is that it can be somewhat interactive. I welcome your thoughts on the value of ceremony and ritual. I promise I will listen. 🙂

My dad sent me an email forward today (which, sorry Dad… sometimes I just skip over…) 🙂 But, today I checked this one out with Ian, who happened to be in the office with me. These three were pretty cool!

Is It Moving… Or Not?!?

Focus on the dots in the middle of these circles. Then see if you can “catch” one of the moving circles with your gaze. Click this picture above for a larger version. (Right-click to download.) You could even make it your desktop if you wanted to…

In and Out

Focus on the dot in the center and move your head back and forth from the screen. Cool…

Ian’s Favorite…

Focus on the four dots in the middle for about 30-40 seconds. Now, close your eyes, and turn towards a wall, or for me, it worked better looking at a light. You will begin to see something appear inside your eyelids. Or rather, someone. Sorta. 🙂

Just a little fun to pass along. Enjoy. 🙂

Several have taken the Perma-Jube® designation and run with that, so I think I will continue to use that when referring to my generally optimistic, trusting outlook on people and life. I have a few more thoughts I have been pondering this weekend, that I think relate to my previous posts My Glass Is Half-Full, and Was It Something I Said?.

Empathy
First, I really don’t like it when people hurt. Whether it has anything to do with me or not, if it’s someone I know (usually), I hurt with them, and wish I Could do something about it. I think that is very relevant to my “Something I Said” post the other day. Not only do I wish to never hurt anyone with my words or actions, I really just don’t want anyone to hurt at all. I was reading a blog recently by someone I know and I began to get that feeling in my gut… just wishing I could somehow help. I think subconciously, I wish that Perma-Jube® was something that I could spread around.

Alas, it is not. Perma-Jube® may be a cool phrase coined by a very clever friend of mine, but it is not a product one can ingest or apply to your skin or something (though it may sound as though it is)… it is in fact a state of being that comes from life experience. My optimism does not ignore reality, but rather looks for the hope that is present in every situation. I know that it is, because even when I don’t see it… I have later discovered where it can be found. There is always hope.

So when I see people who for whatever reason can’t see the reasons to hope, or to not get lost in apparent depression or the sadness of the moment… I first grieve with them, and second, I think I grieve because I can’t help them. That’s the frustration for me. I really want to.

Unapproachable
The other thing I have noticed about my Perma-Jube® is that it often makes me seem unapproachable. “Surely no one is really that content in life. Surely it is a facade. It can’t be real, so I can’t be real with him.” I have not heard anyone say those words to me, so that feeling could be completely fabricated, but I did have a brave soul once describe me as “aloof”. I think that she was talking about my unapproachable-ness.

This is so sad because as you can see from the above, God has given me much empathy. I hurt with my friends who are hurting, and wish I could help them not. But I can not do that, or even have “real” conversations sometimes because I think I am perceived as unapproachable.

I was talking with a friend about that today, and she said she feels that way many times too. (That she is seen as “unapproachable”.) She says it comes with the territory of being “different”.

I am most certainly that. And I can not change that. It is who I am. If I tried to be “normal” I would only be playing a game, and that would benefit no one.

So, I will continue to be weird. I will probably continue to “offend”, perhaps mostly out of confusion (“Why is he so weird???“). I will continue to have a funny feeling in my gut, hurting with those who hurt, unable to do anything about it (for the most part).

And, I will continue to look for the best in anything life dishes out. Not because I am ignoring the bad, but because dwelling on the bad will accomplish nothing. It will only keep me in the bad.

Perhaps I do have more Perma-Jube® than most, but I do think it is from a life of trust – knowing that God has my back. Perhaps I am deluded, but it is what I have seen, and what I know to be true (from experience), and so I have nothing to lose by risking myself in a relationship, or for a relationship. Right? I know that I am loved and accepted (God says and shows that he feels that way about me), so I am more free to be vulnerable with other peoples, since I know that I am completely accepted by my Father.

Actually, that’s really what I want for my kids. I want them to so know they belong, and are loved as they are by their dad (me) that they have full confidence to just be themselves, completely open and honest (completely vulnerable) with other people. They will expose themselves to the greatest risk of hurt that way, but I think they also expose themselves to the greatest joy of life shared with others.

I continue to process. Thanks for your comments and thoughts. I suppose I’ll never really figure out the craziness that is “me” … but it can’t hurt to try. 🙂

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Perma-Jube® is a Registered Trademark of Matt Cooper Enterprises. Sort of.

I think I mentioned on this page that Ian (our oldest) got to be part of two Apple Camp sessions this July. What’s Apple Camp, you ask? I’m glad you asked!

It was awesome! The Apple Retail Stores did a 2-3 hour “courses” on various fun aspects of the Mac – movies, podcasts, websites, music – and the kids got to make their own stuff! Ian did the movie and website one (iMovie and iWeb) and so he made a movie the first week, and followed that up with a website the next week! Nice! It was great fun, and Ian can’t wait to go back next year!

The camps were free, and Ian came away with a couple cool certificates, some badges (which he put on a hat), and a great t-shirt! Apple is so cool.

So, if you’d like to see the stuff Ian created, we have given him a special section of our WeTheCampbells.net website. Here’s the link:

WeTheCampbells.net/ian

More Fun Links:
One reason that posts to this site can seem sporadic at times is that I am also updating/posting to other sites. In case you have not clicked on links lately (or, in case I have not posted them… here are a few fun places that have been updated recently).

WeTheCampbells.net (our personal photos/movies site)
GregsApples.com (the NEW GregsApples — check out the new podcast!
Buffalo Bills Review: Articles (the articles section of our Bills site)

One more thing…

I think it’s amazingly cool that I had to go wake every one of my family members up at 9:20am! Ha! Well, all are up now and we’re ready to go!

GO BILLS!!

(PS… to be fair, Jen had to get up with the baby at 5:42 last night… so… she does have an excuse. But she would sleep this late even if she slept straight through! She likes to sleep!) 🙂

Thinking more about what I wrote last night, I remembered another train of thought that I have been processing recently. I have been trying to figure out again why I seem to have more of a positive take on the world and humanity than most every other human being I know. A friend of mine says I have “Perma-Jube” (Permanent Jubilation, I think?) because in contrast to him, I most certainly do. 🙂

Not that I think everyone else is mean, or always in a bad mood. It’s not that. It’s more along the lines of personal interaction. The instances in life that have made me ponder this have been misunderstood personal conversations, via phone or email especially (or even “second hand” conversations). I realize that those are certainly inferior modes of communication, but even within those, it seems I have room to “assume the best”.

I think if you think of the question, “Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?” I would have to say that my glass is always going to be half full. In fact, I think I would probably look at it and dare to say that it’s almost full, because surely it’s on the way to being full. That’s just the way I think!

So, my thoughts turned to genetics, and how we are “wired”. I can’t really believe that everyone else has had such a hard life that it has turned them into skeptical pessimists in their everyday dealings with other people. That leaves personality. Perhaps my personality is to be trusting, optimistic, some would say “naive”… always assuming the best of other people, even if it does not appear that way. My experience of late is that most everyone else leans toward mistrust and pessimism/skepticism when dealing with other folks. Jen says it is because they have been burned too many times by others. But I think I have too… why do I go on assuming the best in others?

Well, I will continue to ponder this, and I am sure I will add to this later. Right now we are packing up to go to Bills Training Camp. Oh man! If you want to see an example of my “optimism”, check this out!

If anyone has any thoughts on built-in personality vs. life experience and how that shapes our general attitudes in life, I’d love to hear them. Are there any others out there on Perma-Jube?

Over the past week or two, I have had this feeling more times than I would like to admit. That feeling of unsettledness. Something is wrong, but you can’t quite single out the exact cause. You feel it in your stomach. A bit in your throat perhaps. And nothing fits together in life. Everything is just sort of, off.

Tonight the feeling is from a misunderstanding in an email exchange. A friend seems to be hurt by something I said that was completely harmless… or so I thought. Earlier this week I found out that somethings I had said had hurt some people I love – and this was after I was hurt by something they had done before I had a bigger picture of what was going on. All this follows closely on some turmoil in Jen’s heart that was thankfully not caused by me, but still managed to produce that feeling in me… and I couldn’t shake it.

I don’t like it when people around me – especially people I care about – are sad, or even angry. Even moreso when their feelings were caused by something I said or did. All I want to do is fix it. Repair the damage I have caused. Or, if I am not at fault, just repair it. Make it all better.

Sometimes, I just can’t. So if I know that, why does my stomach still feel this way?

Perhaps I am overreacting. No, I am sure I am overreacting. But I do believe that’s the way I was made. Maybe we all are, but I know for a fact that I am. I am made to relate, and when relationships are broken, strained, or otherwise in need of repair, I can not do anything until they are restored. Funny, huh? Even if it’s not really anything I did (like with Jen last week) I could not function until there was some resolution in her heart. That may be because she is my wife, and we are mystically “one”… but I’d like to think it’s even more than that.

I want to be completely empathetic. I want to be so in tune with the emotions of others that I hurt when they hurt. I also rejoice when they rejoice. But actually, I don’t think I am that cool. I do believe some of my discomfort is my desire for perfection in life. I don’t want someone to hurt because of what I have done. That means that I messed up. I want to correct it. For them, yes… but also for me.

How sad is that?

You know, I actually think I am a nice person. I had a business relationship go quickly very sour a few weeks ago. I mean I was being shouted at over the phone. I was quite shocked, but I stood my ground as I really felt there was a right moral thing to do in that situation. I got the same feeling after hanging up the phone. Tight, twisting knots in my stomach. I hated making that person mad. But I replayed everything I said and I think it needed to be said. I wrote a few emails back and forth that day with this person, and in one of them I actually said, “You know, I really am a nice guy…” The response back was “I know you’re a nice guy. I can tell.” The matter was resolved, and the relationship restored. I actually don’t know how, but it was like a TV ending to that story.

That’s what I figure it will be like every time. I really do have good motives. I’m not hiding anything. I want no part of games or manipulation. What you see with me is what you get. That’s it. And my assumption (often proven wrong) is that is what I am getting from everyone else. I think I will always think that. I think I will always think that I am received at face value and that people are giving me the open, honest truth. I don’t think that’s true, but how can I live any other way?

I really do think I am nice… and have other people’s hearts and “best interest” in mind in most things I say.

I am, however, quite human.

Well, tonight I go to bed with an unresolved relational issue. I e-mailed my friend whom I apparently hurt, but have not heard back yet. My stomach is unsettled. My heart is restless. Part of it is my desire for peace for the person I have hurt. Still, another part is because I long to be perfect. As God continues to work in me, I hope for the former. I want to desire restoration and wholeness of relationship because it values the person with whom I relate.

So my friends whom I have hurt with my words, I am sorry. Please forgive my bumbling lips. (Or, fingers, as it were.) I often speak exactly what is on my mind, and sometimes, it needn’t be spoken. I don’t mean that we should not be open and honest with each other. I mean, sometimes I need to just not say stuff.

With God’s help, I may get better at that.

Until then, thank you for your friendship, and I wish you peace.

Perhaps you will recall when I mentioned the idea I sent to Apple about offering Cable TV channels “a la carte”, much like they have done with music on iTunes. Well, this was before iTunes was selling videos, and before the Mac Mini was designed for the living room. I am sure that Apple had the idea before I did, but I am just loving the fact that Apple is actually moving toward my idea.

Just, in a different way.

I still would love to see a company offer an entire channel, streaming live… but just that channel. I wouldn’t have to get 345 channels when I really only want 5 or 10. No packages, just the channels I want. Well, Apple is not doing that, but perhaps their idea is better. More and more channels continue to offer their programming via the iTunes music store. This week several more networks have been added, including the History Channel and Biography Channel. Let me tell you, there has been some major restraint here, not buying all that is currently available from those channels!! (I really like documentaries…) 🙂

Perhaps the biggest benefit of doing it this way is … NO COMMERCIALS. That’s great. And, you get to choose the shows you want. Admittedly, I don’t really even want an entire cable channel/network. I just want a few shows. So this method of distro is even cooler, I think.

So, good on ya Apple!

Here’s the official press release from Apple regarding their latest additions to the iTunes (Music?) Store.

(They might want to consider a new name…) 🙂

Award-Winning Programming from A&E Television Networks Now Available on the iTunes Music Store

You may not know what the WWDC is, but if you use computers, you should check out this hour long presentation. It’s a quicktime streaming video of the keynote speech given yesterday morning at the World Wide Developers Conference (those are the people who make all the software for your computer). If you’re a Mac fan, you’ve likely already seen it. If not, here’s a link to the page where you can get the video:

http://www.apple.com/quicktime/qtv/wwdc06/

Seriously. Apple previewed some of the features of their new operating system which they say will release next spring (which we think means January…) and it’s just fantastic. Time Machine is an automatic back up and restore program for everything on your computer that will just blow your mind. Like, “How is that POSSIBLE???” kinda blow your mind. Spaces gives your four virtual desktops to easily switch to, and use simultaneously. Amazing. Improvements to Mail, iChat, iCal and more. Like, in iChat, you can now share slideshows with your friends through iChat theater, and even share your desktop! In mail you can send HTML email using 30 built in templates (might be more when they release it) and all sorts of really great features.

Watch the video. It’s amazing.

And, if you like, visit the Leopard site at Apple: apple.com/macosx/leopard