We had some friends over tonight. It was a blast! They are really fun people, and we all enjoy being together. We are all currently going through a parenting video course together, but we have connected at various points of life before this. We are not doing the course in the month of July for various reasons, so we planned a few get togethers to just keep in touch, and, because we love to be together 🙂

So tonight, after some fun group activities like kickball (you should have seen the play I made at first to get one of the opposing moms out!) and a few hilarious relay races (it’s pretty funny to see a couple grown men competitively running a 40-yard dash balancing an egg in a spoon as they run!) we just sat at our dining room table, continuing an enjoyable evening together.

At this point, one from our group noticed that this month Jen & I celebrate our engagement of 8 years. It’s kind of an involved story of what date and how that all happened, and that’s where the evening got interesting. As I was explaining how we never dated, and how God had brought us together through some very interesting circumstances, and how He had worked all of this stuff for our good, I was completely blindsided by the words of a very forthcoming and sometimes fairly blunt friend.

(Friend, if you are reading this I mean that in the nicest way. 🙂 I think God uses that to give people pause and to allow them to think of things in a manner they probably would not have chosen. Like… me! 🙂 So… thanks!)

Now, when the words were first uttered, I was astonished that someone would label me that way. I think I am quite the opposite. I love to just be real, and honest, and open… I want to relate to people where they are, to love people by listening and connecting and just being available and in no way judgmental or condemning. I think Jesus has worked all of that into my heart by my being the recipient of those very things in my own life. Not that I am perfect in those things – far from it – but I can definitely see him working those in me. So, I was just stunned… and all at once, curious. 🙂

I told some more of our story, and then probed a bit to see what she really intended to say. I couldn’t really believe she meant “aloof”. And, after a quick check of the dictionary, she completely recanted and said that was not at all the word she was thinking of. She asked everyone to just erase that from memory… not at all what was intended.

But I could not. I am still puzzled by not just that one word, but her description of what she sees in me (mind you, we have not shared all that much life together, and so another part of me is amazed that she has formed such an opinion of me, especially how she further describes me below.) She described what she called “aloof” as being so detached – “in a good way” – that everything is always alright. No matter what comes my way, I am OK with it. No matter what people might say about me, I am not bothered by it. I forget the exact words, but I think she said I am different from anyone else on this planet. 🙂 (Which, literally is true… not just for me, but for everyone. But… that’s beside the point.) And part of my “aloofness” gives an impression of arrogance (which, she said is not really arrogance, but… sort of.)

Even crazier than this is the person who DOES know me the best, and who loves me the most, confirmed some of what this friend was saying tonight!

OK, so… THAT makes me think I need to look into these things. 🙂

And I have. 🙂 It’s 3:00am and I have been spending the past 3 hours listening to tapes of good talks on understanding the reality of God’s kingdom in my life internally and around me. The title of the first talk I chose to listen to is, “A Soft Place To Land”. A soft place to land refers to the gentleness and kindness and understanding that emanated from Jesus that just drew people to him. They knew they could share anything and everything with this man, because they were completely accepted, not condemned or judged, and even better, they were understood. The speaker told stories from his own life of how that was not the case for him. In fact, a group of friends in his life told him one night that before he went through some incredibly tough circumstances in his life, he was the arrogant answer man, and therefore unapproachable. He was, perhaps… aloof.

As I pondered his words, and those spoken by my friend and the subtle confirmations of my wife, I definitely questioned whether I am a soft place to land. I so long to be that I can’t even think of the word to describe that desire. I only want to be the things I described above. I have a song called Because that perfectly speaks the heart of who I want to be.

I live because he lives
I love because he loves
I forgive because he forgave me.
I am because He is and I will be forever more
Livin’ everyday because of grace

I will always remember how you treated me
Forgiving everything I owed you, even though I was guilty
How could I ever think to hold a grudge?
I have no choice but love like I’ve been loved
I have no choice but love like I’ve been loved.

Everything that comes from me is a direct result of what he has done in me. I do what I do because I have received that from him. Even more so, I trust him because of his incredible track record of never once failing. Never has he failed to love me, to provide for me, to demonstrate in some way to me that I am completely loved. I don’t always feel it in the moment, but I have seen it enough, and experienced it enough to know that it is true, and real, and forever.

That is what I want people to know. When the speaker I was listening to tonight learned from his friends that he had not been a “soft place to land” until he went through some nasty trials of his own, I just wondered if people see me that way? Do I really offer God’s grace to people, and the incredible work he has done in me, or do I offer them what a life can look like if you try really hard, and hone the skills and talents to be good that God has placed in you at birth? Do I help people see the on-going work of growing everyday because of grace or do I show off a special in-born ability to choose the right, therefore somehow elevating myself to some level of unapproachability simply due to my public track record of holiness?

Ouch. I sure hope that I am not so confident in what God has done in me that I have forgotten to reveal the source of all of the goodness in my life. And not just here, with my words, but by every fiber of my being and every action that I choose or every reaction that reveals the contents of my changed-by-Jesus heart.

Another thought I had tonight was that perhaps I have become and answer man, as the speaker alluded to. His friends said no one whose lives were broken every approached him because he always had an answer. Everything fit together perfectly in his world. So, only those whose lives were going alright at the moment felt comfortable being around him. But after God softened his heart and revealed to him a deeper understanding of the love that the Father has for him, people were able to approach him more. Not because of the circumstances directly, but because he was a different person. He was approachable and didn’t have all the answers. He wasn’t trying to fix people.

Sometimes I do that. I think Jen can attest to that! 🙂 We have been married now almost 8 years and in that time, there have been at least a few times when I have in some way communicated that to Jen. I love her completely, and only want her to know that. But at times, I see something that I know is right, and I let her know it. Even if she disagrees. And let me tell you, that hasn’t worked yet. 🙂 Eventually, with many more words, and obviously more than words. When she understands from me that there is no arrogant, condescending judgment, but only a “broken reed he did not crush” kind of gentleness will she even hear anything I am saying.

And this is Jen we’re talking about. She has plenty of chance to know that I love her. She knows me the best and spends the most time with me. And SHE feels like I am sometimes a bit arrogant… how must others perceive me?

Even though the word has been rescinded, the overall effect has remained, and I think in a good way has challenged me to think about how I treat other people. I do not need to “try harder” to “do the right thing”. Perhaps, almost the opposite. Perhaps people do not know me as approachable? Perhaps I really am not a soft place to land? Though that is my heart’s deepest desire, besides knowing Jesus more each day, I only want to reflect his passionate love for me, his mercy and grace, and his gentleness and understanding. As he has been for me, so I want to be for others.

But again, I focus on doing. Even in my best intentions, I still want to do something for God or others. I think perhaps this is what God is working in my heart. A lot of things come back to that. Lately I have been trying to figure out what God wants me to do in my life. Not a career move, that’s not what I’m talking about. Just how he wants me to live out my daily life with him. I am learning to trust him in all things, physical and spiritual. I am learning to relate to him more personally and in every day kind of ways. I am really learning to not always have the right answer – to let people know him and follow him in their own ways, as he leads them. That’s a hard one. And perhaps is the “aloofness” that my friend was referring to.

OK, this is a long post about a word that was mistakenly spoken. But, the more I thought about it, perhaps there is something there. I look forward to God revealing more about that to me, and more opportunity to know and trust him through that. I love that he is so gentle. I love that even in my worst failings, and greatest weaknesses, he does not point fingers and let me know how I should have done better. Rather, in deep love and even humility (this from the King of all creation!) he gently nudges me toward a life lived out in the fullness of his love, and in the righteousness he has given me. Not in anything I have accomplished or have mastered in my own strength. I trust his goodness, and his proven love for me. He is my hope, my life. I want to know him.

If you have perceived me as aloof or arrogant, I do sincerely apologize. I ask your forgiveness as I continue to grow on this journey of learning to accept and live in the complete love of a perfect Father. How I long to be perfect as he is, but he is teaching me that I can not, and he does not expect that, he wants to draw me into his love, and through that effect change in my life from inside a trusting heart outward to a gentle, humble love expressed to every soul he brings into my life.

I long for that, and look forward to how he grows that in me even tomorrow.

May you know today the fullness of his love for you, and live in that love completely, wherever he may have you.

Well, we went this morning. We all got up relatively early for the Campbell clan, and we went to a mall (another oddity as far as us Campbells go…) and we stood in a line. It was a big line. No, I mean it. It was a BIG line. If you know Eastview, it was wrapped around the entire length of the entry way – BOTH WAYS – and the another couple hundred feet the other way to the Apple store. There were easily five to six hundered people that we could see.

It was SO FUN!!!

Sorry. I know that I am a bit weird. But. It was just fun to be in that place with all those Apple fans. 🙂 (Now if we were touching, or crowded in some way… that would have been different… but… as it was… it was fun!)

They were giving away T-Shirts to the first 1000 people, so I guess everyone really wanted a t-shirt. 🙂 Well, we waited for a long time, but it didn’t seem like this was Jen’s idea of a good time, so we went to do some errands, and came back to stand in line about na hour later!!! The line was only a hundred people or so by then 🙂

Well, we finally got in! Whoopeee!!! The kids went right to the kid station and started playing games, while I took Kirsten around to check out some of the new audio options available. Very cool.

And, as we were leaving, we got our 5 free t-shirts. I am wearing one now! I think we were about number 980-985 of 1000. 🙂 That was great!

And once I find some photos (they were taking a bunch today) I’ll put some up here.

I can’t believe there’s an Apple store within half an hour of my house.

Awesome.

I think we should go back tomorrow. 🙂

We released the first official podcast over at basicmm radio. Stop by and give it a listen. 🙂

It’s also available through the iTunes Music Store (if you have iTunes 4.9 for Mac/Windows). Click here to subscribe through iTunes.

This week’s edition features a song I wrote for our wedding, and then completed and we sang for our friends’ wedding in 2001. It’s called, “One”.

IT’S HERE!!!

Apple Store – Eastview

We know nothing about the stock market, but… we’re learning.

Late in 2004, we invested in Apple Computer some money that we were keeping in a savings account for a future vacation. Thought it would be good as Apple is taking off in revenue, sales, marketabilty and just popularity. The iPod and iTunes Music Store have especially rocketed them to the front. Their quarterly earnings keep jumping at least 100%… I think it was like 300% last time over last year. Crazy!

So, if you’re into investing, please know that I know nothing about it first of all.. but… even so, I recommend this as a hot commodity! 🙂

Here’s an overview of the latest headlines and growth of AAPL stock. Just for fun. 🙂

AAPL at Yahoo! Finance

I think I touched on the subject of foul language quite a ways back, and had some interesting comments and discussion via email on that. But it was just time to bring out the subject matter once more.

Recently I have noticed again that particularly my generation makes no effort to clean up their language anymore. It almost gives the impression that you are perhaps a bit more spiritual christian if you do swear. You’re not trying to hide behind false righteousness is at least one line of thinking. I mean, you’re thinking the words anyway, and everyone else talks like that at work… so, you can actually relate to everyone better if you don’t pretend to be holy by holding back the words you are already thinking. Right?

I don’t think everyone who is choosing to let the vulgarities fly these days has actually gone through that entire thought process. It could even be just a freedom thing. Freedom from the bonds of rules and regulations. Of earning our relationship with God by doing all the right stuff. When the pendulum swings too far one way, it usually swings just as far in the opposite direction.

And in general, I am in the same generational boat. Somehow, I do have control over my tongue in that area. (Not in all areas, as I think James points out quite well that none of us has absolute control over that monster!) I didn’t use to when I was a teen ager. I wasn’t conciously trying to be cool, but it was definitely the vocabulary of choice, and I did not excercise any sort of restraint.

Should we? As I said, in general, I am moving away from “restraint”. Obviously restraint is a good thing. I restrain my foot from pressing the gas pedal until my vehicle exceeds 90 mph because of other motorists, and it’s just not a smart thing to do. I restrain my spending because I have to pay my bills, and credit cards actually have to be paid off. (Who knew!??) 🙂 There are plenty of ways that restraining is good. But again, the pendulum… a life of rules leads the ruled to rebel. The law was not meant to make us clean, or holy… it was only to reveal that we can not do it ourselves. Only God can wash us clean. Yet we hang it over our own necks as a giant yoke that we can never stand up under, let alone plough the fields. (That was cool old spelling!)

And so, we swing the other way. We loose ourselves from the chains of regulations. From the fetters of ancient traditions that keep us from true freedom of living in God’s grace. We drink, we watch R-rated movies, we dance, we hang out with people we shouldn’t, we smoke, we cuss, we do all the stuff we we told we weren’t supposed to. All in the name of freedom, and being real. Being honest and just letting our true selves show in our open relationship with a loving God.

But maybe we are totally missing the point in our swinging pendulum. Maybe it’s neither of those extremes. Maybe it has nothing to do with performance, good or bad.

Maybe… the restraint we can show in some areas on our “old life” or our “flesh” or whatever you want to call it can benefit other people, or even more, ourselves.

I think most of the “commands” in scripture that are declared from pulpits and taught in Sunday Schools all over the world are really completely for our benefit. They keep us from stuff that will either hurt us, or other people around us. When God says to control our tongue, and not let rough language, coarse joking or harsh words (I forget some of the other things he calls them) come out of our mouths, he is saying it for our benefit, not to dampen our fun, or get us to be “made righteous” by our actions. HE KNOWS WE CAN’T. So, why would he put all these commands in scripture??!? He just wants us to get close, and try, and when we fail just be sorry about it and feel guilty and stuff??!

I don’t think so.

Personally, I try to watch my words and choose them carefully as I know that they are powerful. Both to the listener, and even to my heart as the speaker. I don’t drink at all because I know that it messes with my body and mind, and I want to steer clear of that. There are some areas of life where I have managed to steer clear somehow (most likely by God’s grace rather than my own amazing achievement). And that is to my benefit, not to my righteousness.

Righteousness only comes by faith, or trust. Faith gets lived out in actions, but the actions themselves can never get us on solid footing before God. We will always fail. Always.

I do not certainly condemn my brothers and sisters who choose to not restrain their tongue, but I do wish that the pendulum would swing again and perhaps their hearts could be freer if they could jump off of it. I know for sure that I am on a pendulum too, so I am not pointing fingers. I just know that what God says is bad, or that we shouldn’t do… is what we should at least try to stay away from. It will go better for us when we do.

And with his help, we can.

(Editor’s Note: This is going to be interpreted completely wrong, but I just needed to say it. There is a strange battle waging inside of me that longs from freedom from rule-keeping Christianity yet also yearns for the freedom of living life as God says it works best. How do the two mesh? I have not yet grasped such a concept. So, take the previous post however you’d like to interpret it.) 🙂

I don’t know what it is, but what I say or what I commit to is very important to me. It means a lot to me. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. So, when my mouth starts a runnin’ and I start committing to more than I can do, I start to go a bit crazy.

That was kind of happening today with a client who has a deadline whom I promised I would accomplish a certain level of completion by said deadline. I did not. I can’t say I’m even close. The job was way bigger than I had imagined. So, I called to assure him progress has been made, and we’ll get there, even if I have to stay up all night.

And you know what his response was? He didn’t care! Not one bit. Hmm. Quite different from me who is stressing over this thing that is not even mine, that I must complete at least close to the promised – as somehow that appeases my need to be true to my word.

I am not certain why that matters so much to me, but it certainly does. That’s why anything I have to sign my name to is at least a minor struggle, because you can never completely agree with everything they want you to agree to, right?? 🙂

I know I am being a little crazy… but somehow it matters to me that I be integrous in what I say and/or promise and what I do. It would be pretty cool if we all lived that way and were at least mostly close to that. But I think I noticed again today that I can’t promise tomorrow. No matter how hard I try, no matter how I am characterized, I can never achieve perfection. Only God is ALWAYS faithful to his promises. I am not him.

He keeps reminding me of that recently. 🙂

Well, I am glad I am not, but with his help I will continue to honor people by being true to my word.

I’m gonna need a lot of help…

I was shopping at Aldis today, and just had to laugh as I rounded one of the aisles and found to my great surprise…

an iPod Shuffle!

Now I KNOW Apple has gone mass market. 🙂

$89 for the 512MB model at select Aldi stores this week! Don’t miss this great deal!

😉

I was pointed to an article today that deals with some of the things I have been writing about here. At your leisure (it’s somewhat lengthy) I recommend it to you as well. Good stuff.

Feasting On The Tree Of Life

The following is from a friend’s blog page. I was just doing some catching up with them on their blog pages, and noticed this short post from back in May. Just thought I would throw it out there to add balance (if only for me) to what I have been saying over the past two days.

Good stuff Dave.

DC’s Once-in-a-While: Dangerous Thinking