I’m not sure why I am up so early this morning. I woke up at about 7:30, and was just … awake. As I was lying in bed, trying to go back to sleep, I was thinking about how I used to spend my Sunday mornings. I would most often be up far earlier than 7:30! More like six! There was major work to be done to put on a masterful performance that would not only not distract anyone from “worship” (by making mistakes, or not knowing what was next), but knowing what we were doing so well that it was effortless, and God could just connect with people right through every piece of what we had planned. My heart was solidly right, I think, but I just think that the very thing we wanted to bring people closer to Jesus might actually be what’s keeping them from him.
As my mind continued to think about where I have come from, and where I am now, I began to focus on the progression of my relationship with Father. I’d say my relationship began when I actually realized his existence. Yes, Mom & Dad, I knew about him from you guys, and Sunday school, and most of my life hearing about him at meal times, bed time and church times – but to me, it seems like my relationship with him began near the end of my high school years when I realized that all the stuff I had heard about him was real.
The next step in the progression was the reality of him in spiritual things. As my eyes were opened to the reality of his existence, I began to want to know him more. The best way I knew to do that was to do as many spiritual things as I could. I began reading the Bible, having quiet times with him, reading devotionals, praying (even had lists of things to pray for that I would chart the results of), then obviously, going to “church” and other related activities. The more I could do at that building, or with those organizations (including the Campus Crusade groups I hooked up with), the more I felt like I knew him.
And it was true. As I did all of those things, I began to know a deeper reality of him. I learned that he transcended those things, those times, and was a reality in my whole life. I would sing songs at “worship” that spoke of giving him my whole heart, my whole life. Every part of me. And as time progressed, and as I knew him more, that became my true heart’s desire. I wanted to know him more, and give him every part of me. Some of my “parts” were a little embarassing to give to him, but he reassured me that all of me was OK, that his grace covers all of me. So, slowly the reality of Jesus in my life seeped out past the spiritual things and began to permeate other areas of my life – the everyday things (work, school, etc.)
This is easy at Bible college. By now, I had decided I only wanted to use all of my life to help people know the reality of life with God that I was now beginning to understand. I did not know what that meant. I was fairly sure (no, I was certain) that it did not mean signing up to be a preacher at a church. I wanted no part of that. But from what I knew at the time, it had to involve going to seminary, and learning more about him. So, I enrolled at Cincinnati Bible College in the fall of 1994. Some friends of mine were there, including one of my best friends (who is now my wife), so it was a logical choice. This place is full of people who long to know and live for God. Not everyone, but mostly everyone. So in many ways, his reality permeates all of life. There is no part of life where he is not. That was cool, but perhaps made heading to the “real world” a bit more shocking.
Perhaps that was the next step of the progression. As he began to become more of an everyday reality for me, I figured it was that way for every other believer as well. To my surprise, it seemed that not everyone had learned that. The first church that I got to work with full-time seemed to be more concerned with programs and numbers and “results” than with the reality of God in every part of life. More concerned with “church” than with the people and their relationship with God. Now, don’t get me wrong, that was the aim of all the programs, and all our efforts, but it was almost like the story Jesus told of the different kinds of seeds… it was like we were the seeds among thorns. The cares of this life were taking our focus off of what seemed more important, at least to me.
So for several years, I struggled through the system – as it was the only way I knew to live out life with my Father and his people. It’s where everyone was, it’s what everyone did. There wasn’t even any other option. Still, the reality of him in every part of my life clashed with the world we had created for him to live in. We continued to relegate him to the spiritual times and places (though we spoke of him wanting all of our lives it was more of a Master/Slave thing, rather than a Father/Child all the time relationship).
As we were traveling the country, we experienced many versions of the “church”. Stiff, high-church varieties (not for me…), super-energetic “worship” (those were fun), and lots of stuff in between. One of the most intriguing was a group of churches that did not meet on Sunday morning, but rather they met in homes, throughout the week. Various groups met on various days in various locations on various days of the week. That seemed odd, but really cool. We went to several of their gatherings over the week we were there, and it was so refreshing to see people sharing real life, with God. There was food, conversation, Bible study, and praying for each other and people who were close to them. We talked about issues with work, family, personal life, etc. It was very cool. I do believe that this was a big step in opening my eyes to something beyond the Sunday morning, put-on-a-show structure of life together.
After this, and reading some books, listening to people talk about life “outside the box” of organized religion, I began to progress to my current place in my relationship with God. It began with the reality of his existence, moved to the reality of him in spiritual things, to the reality of him in everyday life (mostly), to now, the reality of him in real life. After we began to realize that God was not relegated to one form of knowing him (aka “the church”), and even more that his Church was not relegated to one form of existence, we began to actually live life with him. I did not have to only meet him during special quiet times or other spiritual moments, but could carry on an ongoing conversation with him through every part of my day. He was not just in the things that I did for him, or for “the church”, but rather, he was with me always, in everything.
This is very different for me. I did not understand some ten years ago what it meant to only live with him, and help other people know that, too. I think I am experiencing it though. It is interesting how he has allowed me to tell people about life in him while I am still learning about it. 🙂 I feel like this is only the proverbial “tip of the iceberg”. I am just now beginning to understand the reality of him. There is no life without him. Religion is something you can whip out (or put away) any time you like. The reality of him in my life is not. He is always there, in everything. And again, he’s not scared of one bit of it. Hebrews chapter four tells me so. 🙂
So now, life consists of… life. There are not really any special times that I meet with Jesus, because I am always meeting with Jesus. (For real… those aren’t just words. There is an ongoing, daily dialogue between us.) There aren’t any special times that I meet with believers, I am always meeting with believers. Believe it or not, they exist outside of those meetings on Sunday mornings. 😉 In everything I do, he is there. Pretty amazing. Very freeing, actually.
I wonder right now what the next step in the progression will be? Perhaps there are no more “steps”, but just the deepening of our friendship. I get to live the rest of my life with him, and beyond. He is in me, not just with me. I can’t imagine another step, but I suppose I couldn’t really imagine any beyond even just originally knowing about him. What a journey it has been so far.
And it just keeps getting better.
While visiting with the Raines family in Virginia (singing at their VBS) we found out that their daughter, Erin, loves to keep track of the funny things Alex says. He is certainly unique, and so his little brain does churn out some fantastic one-liners…
This past holiday weekend, while playing with my daughter Kirsten, I had an idea for a cute little story. Kirsten and I found a play room at my sister’s “church” with a little play house. She went right in and we pretended that I came by for a visit. Well, she being 2 years old, fit just fine. Dad however was a little more cramped. So, we played and pretended all the funny things about a really big person in a really tiny house, and I thought… that would make a fun story.