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I never feel relaxed. Ever. I have been noticing this for a while now. It’s rather disturbing, actually.
I can’t pinpoint the exact reason(s) for it, but mainly it stems from the fact that I never complete anything. I always feel like there are 7 other things I need to be doing at any point in time. I bet some other people feel that way, but I wonder if they really do have that many other things they need to be doing? I am beginning to feel quite alone in that way.
Not sure what can possibly change. We have expenses, and we need income. My seven (plus) endeavors don’t bring in enough money (individually, or cumulatively), so I continue to seek out more sources of income.
“It’s a bad economy,” you might say. And some do. And, to an extent, it is. But the “bad economy” is not personally affecting me. This is just how it has always been for me. I’m not good at making money. I’m very good at everything I do, but not good at translating that into a fair wage. Which… is frustrating.
So, I continue to work insane hours and days… and I am tired, and my family is tired (from not having me around much). It’s an endless cycle it seems.
We are investigating a few potential new sources of income. Hoping they will bring enough money for time invested so that bills can be paid, maybe hours can be used differently, and maybe… perhaps… I can ever relax?
Not sure about that. That might be more of a condition of my heart. But whatever it is, it’s no fun. Not at all.
I just needed to say all that. If I ever learn anything from it that’s helpful… I’ll share it here. For now, I’ll just keep feeling not relaxed.
you’re not the only one to have the “not relaxed” feeling.
I have had it before, and I’m sure will have it again!
Thanks, Ben. I think what’s frustrating is just being stretched so thin. Doing so many different things to pay our bills, and each of them bringing in so little … just never feeling done. Whenever I do relax, it just feels wrong, because I think of all the other things I need to be doing. (Or, it just feels like I should be doing something else.) Not a good place to be, and asking God to help us change it. Looking forward to seeing his answer.
Kevin Leman has a good book about stress -it generally ties into women – but he says it’s a firstborn thing – always feeling like we need to be doing something else whenever we are doing something. :0) I often fight that battle. HOpe all is well. Understand the under-income thing too. Marty finally closed our business and applied for gainful employment somewhere else which has been helpful for us – more time at home with kids – less stress, regular predictable hours, regular paycheck… hope you can find something also!! Hope you and Jen are well – don’t check in here very often. :0)