Estimated reading time: 2 minute(s)
Oh hey, I just wanted to clarify some stuff from my question yesterday…
I think that it is clear in scripture that the only relationship God designed for us is one man and one woman for life. That’s it. Marriage was his idea, and there wasn’t nothing else. No dating, no courting, no shackin’ up, no partners, obviously no homosexual relationships… it was one man and one woman for life. That’s the best way to do it.
Now, the Bible is chock-full of folks doing it other ways… polygamy, incest, rape, homosexuality, adultery… but those were obviously never sanctioned by God. And it’s a sinch that most anyone would say those things are sin. (Some would question the homosexuality thing, but I think the Bible is quite clear on that one there…)
So my question was not really why is shacking up a bad thing — living with someone before you are married… if in fact you end up married. I don’t mean sex before marriage with anyone and everyone… I was thinking specifically of someone who dates, lives together and then is married later… even years later.
I would never ever recommend that, but just as I was thinking about it, couldn’t really think of a Scripture that specifcally says that is a bad thing.
So… again… I welcome your email or comments below.
So far the best I have is that it’s just not a good idea. Like, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc, etc… it’s permissible (if legal) but not so smart… and can hurt you. So can sex/living together before marriage. But like these things, should the person/people involved be condemned of a sinful lifestyle? Not sure.
Summary: Marriage (one man, one woman) is the way to go. But it’s good to think about what we say God is against before we blast people with “truth in love”…
you wrote: “should the person/people involved be condemned of a sinful lifestyle?”
and i think we all are condemned of a sinful lifestyle. whether we’re gay or straight, whether we waited till marriage or not, we’re all sinners, so we all daily choose a sinful lifestyle. and sometimes it’s not even a conscience thing. we’re so used to sinning we don’t even think about it – we just do it. which is crazy. we can’t any more condemn a homosexual couple, an unmarried couple living together, or a divorced man or woman marrying someone else of living a sinful lifestyle than we are. and for some reason i think those of us who may not have found ourselves in the aforementioned situations can very easily get our heads up our own butts and think that b/c when it comes to spouse/partner relationships we did it “the right way” (which could just mean that we got pretty darned lucky) that all of a sudden we have a right to tell someone else that their choice is wrong.
i used to have an easy time condemning homosexuals as sinners until i found out a christian friend was one. and that in many ways he was a “better christian” than i was. and all of a sudden i realized his choice to be gay was not much worse than my choice to cheat and lie on a regular basis.
i used to find it easy to question the decision of people getting divorced for reasons other than adultery until i had a friend go through it, and before her divorce was even final had met a man who was more loving and compassionate and a “better christian” than her ex. and realized that he was much better for her than the first guy, and that their decision to marry each other was no worse than my decision to lust after people other than my husband.
i could cite other examples, which i don’t think are necessary at this point. i just hope that one day christians of all walks will realize that condemnation is not our job, and unless we’re perfect we have no right to look down our noses at anyone else.
but regarding the people shacking up who end up married – i used to actually think that would be okay (like in junior high) b/c well, you’re engaged, so you’re GOING to get married, so what’s the difference in waiting? then i met people in college – bible college of all places – who right and left were breaking off engagements. and then i realized – just b/c you’re engaged, doesn’t necessarily always mean you’re going to get married. and so until the commitment has been made and the rings exchanged and the papers signed and 200 people see it, the commitment isn’t fully made. and i thought, “what if those people who just broke off their engagement had decided to shack up or have sex and then now they’re single again?” and it’s a scary thing to realize if your spouse-to-be isn’t willing to wait for you, then who’s to say that he/she would be self-controlled enough to not give into the temptation of someone from work or school or church or the local coffee shop? dr phil says “past behavior indicates future behavior.” duh. but profound.