Estimated reading time: 3 minute(s)

Everywhere I turn these days it seems I am dealing with disappointment. Failure. Unachieved goals, unmet expectations. Nothing is going the way it is supposed to, or like it used to…

One disappointment after another.

And I’m not just talking about being let down by other people. In fact, I think the disappointments that affect me the most are those that are perpetrated by me.

It’s most disappointing of all when you let yourself down.

And I think our Enemy knows that. I think he uses that. The forces of failure, and guilt, and inability to accomplish something you feel is within your power to do… all keep you down and out. And even can lead to deeper self doubt that leads to hopelessness, apathy, and even just throwing in the towel.

A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:10-12

I’m not throwing in the towel. I’m not even feeling hopeless. But I’m tired of being beat down.

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
Matthew 5:3 MSG

I know. I know.

But right now, I’m just tired.

The beat down slowly erodes at my internal understanding of my friendship with God, of my worth (which he places on me) and then it depletes all of the reservoir of grace and other Spirit fruits whose abundance I can usually share with the people around me; starting with my family.

But when the cycle of disappointment takes too strong a foothold (and when I forget Who can break it) then there is a tipping point that is reached, and disappointment turns into despair.

I don’t want to go there.

I won’t go there.

These thoughts, and putting on my armor, and tapping into God’s living water and bread of life are definitely needed; they are foundational. But unfortunately, there are also consequences to action and inaction, no matter what the cause. (My fault, or some scheme of the devil against me and my household.)

So tonight, after posting my thoughts for the day (at 11:59!) 🙂 … sleep will come later as I must tend to some tasks that will put food on our table. There’s still that.

Thankfully I have not neglected things that are more important than food. I think that will have a more lasting impact than keeping bellies full. But, there’s still that.

And so… we press on.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.
2 Corinthians 4:8