I recently heard of two different friends with whom we have lost touch who have since gotten divorced. Friends whom we met as a couple, inseparable, forever. But through whatever circumstances (we have not gotten to talk with them yet) they chose to leave the union that they and God had created.

Now, we all make mistakes, but somehow this one just kills me. I would rather they had killed each other, or somebody else. You probably think I am nuts, but somehow divorce is that painful and ugly and nasty to me. I do understand that we live in a world full of sin and bad choices, and that some marriages were the result of a poor choice in the first place. I think in most cases, even those marriages can flourish. But I have a close relative who left a marriage that was abusive in many ways and that was probably the right move. She is happily married today to a great guy and they have a brand new baby. God has blessed what was so horribly bad.

Now, get this straight, please. I do not think God “blesses” our poor choices. He does not say, “Ooooo, that was a doozy! I better break out the Bigger Blessing bag for that one!” It’s not like the uglier it gets, the more he will “bless us”. As I mentioned yesterday, LIFE with God is a blessing. It’s more that he loves us so completely, and as we learn to live in his love and grow in his love, we will see blessings not as a result of our good (or bad) performance, but just because he loves us. And that would apply to marriages that end in divorce.

We know some other folks who are going through the divorce process currently, and it seems to be hopeless. One spouse wants no part of reconciliation and the other wants no part of divorce, but at times it seems, what can you do? God did give us all free will, the ability to choose, no matter how ugly or rotten the choice.

People… please listen to me. When you say, “I do” you are committing yourself to that other person for the rest of your life. They are broken by sin, just like you. Often they are broken and flawed in other ways where you happen to be strong. So, you can look at that and say, “How can you be so stupid!” and use your words to cut them down and slightly elevate yourself (though your spouse will certainly be happy to point out your weak spots, if that is the tactic you choose…) OR, you can use your strengths to complement their weakness. How great is it that not only do we get to do life together every step with God, but we get to do almost the same thing with a fellow human traveler? One who is weak like us, but often strong where we ourselves are weak! Marriage is truly a blessing.

Please don’t give up on it so easily. If you are even contemplating divorce, STOP! Please ask God to work in your heart to allow you to see how your hardships can help shape you, or perhaps the root of the troubles that would cause you to abandon your very self (“the two shall become one”). Ask him to give you the strength to love as he does, willing to give up even his own life so that we could live together with him. That is God’s call to husbands, to lay down their own lives, as Jesus did, for their wives and wives in return offer their lives to their husbands as Jesus does for the church. Granted, this works best when both spouses are willingly submitting themselves to each other, giving their lives for their spouse… but it does work. If that were to happen, divorce would not even be a thought, let alone such a prevalent option.

I am holding it together, but people please understand. Divorce (even among people I don’t know) makes me cry. It hurts me so bad. It’s somehow something that God has allowed me to see the ugliness of. I am not sure why, but it makes me want to work on our book more. We are working on a book on relationships currently titled, “One Man, One Woman”. God says he hates divorce. I talked about how children are a great picture of the inseparability of marriage, and obviously, on the other hand then, divorce is like ripping that child in two pieces. It’s just not right.

If you are getting divorced, please reconsider. If you are having troubles in your marriage, and have contemplated divorce, please ask God to remove that thought from your head and show you how you can help your relationship be healthy again. If you mention divorce in arguments with your spouse, please ask them to forgive you and ask God to help you eliminate such talk that only hurts and tears down. If you are divorced, perhaps it’s not too late to reunite with your spouse and forgive and move on (though incredibly hard, I am sure) in a new life of commitment to each other.

Live in the freedom of commitment. That is the freedom we have in God. We do not have to wonder if he might get so frustrated with us, or angry, or even just grow weary of loving us that he would “divorce” us. That is not possible. His love is permanent. He loved us before we existed and he promises to love us, and be with us, forever. That kind of love produces true freedom, and to the best of my ability, that’s what I want to engender in my wife. I want her to be completely free to be her, and to know she is loved completely, no matter how she performs. There is no danger that our relationship will end because I choose to leave it. Divorce is not an option.

There’s probably a whole bunch more here, and I am sorry if you think I have trivialized your trials by touching so quickly on an enormous area of hurt in your life. That was not my intention. I just had to get some of my own thoughts out there on how hurtful divorce is. It’s never the best option. Sometimes, unfortunately it might be necessary, but I am willing to bet that’s far less often than most people think.

So, for what it’s worth, I leave you with the words I mentioned above, that will shape our marriage and our family, perhaps for generations to come?

Divorce is not an option.

You know, I can eat the spiciest chicken wings with a side of skyline chili and follow that up with a few pepproncini peppers with a few slices of pizza, all after midnight… and not feel a thing.

But after even a bite of Macaroni Salad, my insides get all twisted up and start feeling as though they might reject that stuff I just put down in there.

What’s the deal with that?!

I was listening to an audio recording the other day called “Introduction to Relational Christianity”. The title seemed cool as God has been moving both Jen and me to a deeper understanding of his church as a family, made up of organic relationships, not a place or time or meeting or any sort of infrastructure. So I listened, and heard a bunch of stuff I agreed with, and some things I had already been thinking of, and even some stuff that I hadn’t thought of. It was all good stuff.

And then I finally heard it. I think I have been missing this, even though as I type this right now I am chuckling at the thought that I could have possibly thought anything else…

Relational Christianity is all about relationships… with God.

Now, you might be saying, “Duh!” But, let me explain. I think how I have been missing that is that for a long time, I have been on the side of “the church” that does all the programming, that puts on the stage presentation, that plans the meetings, talks details, money, staff & volunteer numbers, and reports on people’s lives as though it was the daily Stock Market watch. Not that this is necessarily bad, just feels to us like the wrong focus, and at least in our case – it is.

So, my natural inclination of late has been to avoid all things structured as far as life with other believers and just try to live daily life with the people God has placed around me. I have a special connection with the believers whom he has placed in my life, we are on the same journey. And the others are not the target or my evangelistic cross-hairs… they are people just like me, who will know the love of our Father through my life shared with them in whatever ways God allows. I don’t need to try to get them to “go to church” (something that by definition is not actually possible) … I just need to share the love I have been given. In whatever ways manifest themselves each day, each moment.

So, as you might understand with me, I have been focusing on the relationships with EACH OTHER rather than the key to the whole thing.

When I heard it, I just kinda laughed at myself. For perhaps my whole life, but definitely for the past 15 years or so, I have understood that Christianity is a relationship and not a religion. I know the Creator. He is my friend. I understand that. I don’t need to say any incantations, or do any dances, or offer any sacrifices… I have direct access to him through Jesus’ death on the cross. That was a magical moment in history, where God created a direct, high-speed connection between each of us and himself. (And there are no faulty lines!) So, I know that. And have for a while. And that is the core of who I am.

But… I have been trying to live out “church” in a relational model, focusing on making relationships with other believers work rather than just living my everyday relationship with Jesus. Everyday, I get to do every thing with someone who listens to me, knows me, and wants to be there with me. Every day. Every place. Crazy.

So as I draw closer to him (just by spending time with him, by doing life with him) I will begin to experience “relational Christianity”. Even cooler than that realization is, I already AM! 🙂 This is what I do! So, I have been recently longing for something I already have!

That is too funny.

I am still trying to understand ways to relate to people who are still in the system. Friends and family who live out their relationship with God through various meetings and schedules and regular practices. None of those are bad in themselves, but they are for me… (perhaps like Rom 14, the meat offered to idols?) and so I am trying to sort through all of this stuff still and just live in the freedom of relationship with my Father.

I hope you are too. I hope you are not doing dances for him, or anything that is empty ritual. Rituals don’t have to be empty, but they can often deteriorate to that. Where the practice takes the place of the relationship. God is real, and living, and though he is “the same yesterday, today and forever” he remains a dynamic individual, who wants to walk with us in the garden again. The veil has been removed (when Jesus died on the cross) and we have unrestricted access to him. I hope you are experiencing that today.

Relational Christianity is all about Relationship. With God the Father through Jesus our brother and Holy Spirit who lives in us.

I hope you know how insanely lucky we are.

Just an update on our internet…

We are now at 11 days and counting with unreliable (at best) internet, which is usually completely unavailable. Now, you might say that I am whining, or complaining by posting such a count… or, perhaps if you have spoken with me over those past 11 days, but I was thinking of it like this:

If I was a truck driver, hauling cargo across the country on a tight schedule, it might be like having to do that on my bike. Or, if I was lucky, I could borrow my neighbor’s pick up truck. I would have to transfer all the cargo over to the new mode of transportation, and do the best I could in that new vehicle.

So far, that’s not all that good.

So, they admitted today that the problem is in the main lines on the street… finally said that it’s nothing to do with our house. (The first guy who came out yelled at me because of the way I had set up something on the outside of the house, which he then switched to the “right” way, which the guy today switched back because it was set up wrong… go figure..) 🙂

Eventually, they may have this back up and running. For now, I am a beggar, going from house to house, and office to office in search of a wireless high speed connection to do my work from my handy PowerBook G4 laptop. It works, just not quite as well as my very own, comfortable, office.

I will keep you updated on our progress.

🙂

I don’t much care for days without time for blogging…

Got a lot done today… but no time to write out these thoughts in my head.

Soon…

Today I was able to use my web designing skills and tools to help two people/organizations that have impacted the Campbell home in great and somewhat significant ways. That is so great! I can’t even really believe I get to do that! (And one of them is paying me!) 🙂

The God Journey – Wayne Jacobsen

We have hooked up with a guy who has gone through some similar thinking and experiences regarding this crazy relationship God has offered us with himself. We have really enjoyed his perspective offered through books and various audio recordings we have from him. They have helped us process some things God is working in us. Great stuff.

So, last week, with the advent of podcasting to the iTunes Music Store, I began thinking that it would be great to have The God Journey in among these other offerings. But I wasn’t sure if I should proceed that direction or not. Finally, last night Wayne posted a request for help in doing just that! Awesome! So, this morning I happily researched, and fairly quickly put together the feed that allows The God Journey to be an RSS 2.0 Podcast feed (accessible in RSS readers and other podcast software, such as the new iTunes 4.9)

It was so fun to be able to help out and give back in that way! Awesome!

Here’s a link to the RSS Feed (below). If you have iTunes 4.9, you can drag that link into the Podcast window, and any new podcasts will be automatically downloaded and put in the proper folder by iTunes. Pretty nifty.

The God Journey

EzzoTruth.com

Many of you know that we have used the principles taught in the Growing Kids God’s Way class from Growing Families International since before Ian was born. (Um, well… we knew them since then…) And some of you might have heard of all the slanderous junk thrown about on the internet about not only the curriculum, but the Ezzos (the authors) themselves. None of it is even based in stuff taught in the course! It’s quite sad.

So, I wanted to do some kind of website to counter the bad that is so prevalent out there. But, I gave up due to lack of time, and need to spend my time earning money to pay our bills.

Through a very cool and strange set of circumstances, I discovered a couple who are doing just that! But, they lacked the web design tools and expertise (and perhaps patience!) to actually get the site up and running. Through a few emails, they offered to pay me to do it!! Oh my!

So, I get to put together a site that I think is very valuable and needed, and I get paid for it too!

God is so amazing. I am thanking him today for letting me be part of the things he has used to bring us closer to him, and to help our family know him even more.

Stay tuned for links to the EzzoTruth site.

I was listening to the Drudge Report last night on our local AM Radio station. Interesting stuff, as usual, but one thing stuck out to me. He mentioned that IBM was partnering with someone to offer broadband internet over power lines. Crazy. But, kinda cool as it will make broadband even more available. Anyone with electricity can have high speed internet.

(Like, my parents who live in the middle of nowhere) 🙂

For more, click here:

HoustonChronicle.com – CenterPoint tests high-speed access via wall sockets

We were having a conversation with my sister and her husband yesterday during our kids’ nap times (there were 6 children 6 years old and under in our house that day… so nap time was a VERY welcome part of the day!) about some things Jen & I are processing at the moment.

I said, “We would still be the church if we did nothing that we do in those buildings.” They nodded in agreement, “It’s true.” And I thought afterward how silly it is that we cling so tightly to our religious services or community outreach programs as the identifying mark of who we are as “the church” when it has absolutely nothing to do with that. All of that is well and good, and helps people along the way, but if we stopped doing ALL of that right at this moment, we would not cease to be the church, we might even become more of who the church should be!

So, with that conversation fresh in my mind, I tackled some financial problems last night. We deposited a check this week that bounced which resulted in a processing fee for us, so now I am short more money than I thought I had deposited, and the bigger problem is, I already spent that money. So, I will probably be charged my OWN insufficient funds fee in the next few days. Argh!

Recently, due to various financial pressures, which I am certain many of us are facing, I have had the urge to just put my whole life on eBay and see what I might get. Pay off all our debt, and just move on with the clothes on our back. We’d probably have enough money for McDonald’s, (or even Skyline, if the bids are high enough) … and we’d be FREE of all our STUFF that only seems to generate headache after headache.

This has been a frustrating week with things electronic. Usually I am quite enamored with them. I love my wireless high speed internet, where I can access the world on a tiny machine from anywhere in my house, or even in my yard! I love the way my whole office network works together so that I can access and save and use files from any machine on the network, anywhere. I love all the neat little tricks built into Mac OS X that I can execute with the push of a button or two. Quite amazing.

But not this week.

And thankfully, it has nothing to do with my equipment this time. Those times are frustrating as well. When the world is just on the other side of a stubborn router who won’t connect. Or my computer is almost within site, if I could just get it to recognize the hard drive.

Those times are frustrating, too.

This week, it’s Time Warner Cable. I pay them a significant amount of money each month, each year, and I hope that their service is working most of the time, or when it’s not that they will be able (and willing!) to come fix it promptly. Such has not been my experience this week, although I did have a pleasant conversation last night with one of the phone answerers. We’ll see how it goes from there.

I am still offline at the moment. I will probably either post this from my laptop using a friend’s wireless internet, or… *GASP*… by DIAL UP!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

All of this has made me think again about what’s important. What really matters. Obviously none of this stuff does. I love it! It’s fun! It’s amazing! But it’s all absolutely nothing compared to “the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” Paul said it so well, so I just quoted him. He had tons of personal achievements, perhaps a bit of wealth, he had a great reputation… all worth absolutely nothing.

I get to know the creator of all life. The one who made everything that I see, and even me! The one who made the air that I breathe and the food that I eat (Well, the stuff that makes the food, at least!) The one who made that comet that we just slammed into! The one who gave me Jen, and my kids. I get to live with him. To know him. And to be known, and still loved.

If for whatever reason I ceased to own anything that he has given us… if we catastrophically lost everything in an instant, I would not instantly be less loved by him. My life would not be worth less. It might even be worth more.

The simplicity of life is definitely hard to find in our busy, technological American lives. We have so many places to go and people to see and things to do because we can. Our technology has made it possible (and even fun!) to do as much or more as time will allow. Again, it’s amazing… but also amazingly sad.

Love God with all you are and love the people around you. That’s what Jesus said life was all about. He didn’t mention anything about stuff. I think this is important. Because I don’t want to be misunderstood. Jesus did not say stuff was bad. He said don’t store up treasures here (where things are not permanent) because that’s bad for our hearts. But neither did he condemn all “stuff” as evil. He just cautioned us to keep it in its place. Don’t make it your treasure, or you’ll be disappointed.

That’s for sure!

So, I guess God is helping me get back to my real priorities in life. What really matters. We get so wrapped up in the worlds we have built, it’s easy to forget. It’s not about my stuff. It’s not about anything scheduled that happens in a church building. It’s just about knowing him, and loving people he has put us near. How can he teach me that so often and I still don’t really get it? I still get caught up in the little stuff. In the temporary. My treasure placing gets slightly misdirected. Usually only for a time, until he calls me back.

I trust him. He has never failed me, or anyone for that matter. I trust what he says, and what he will do.

Can’t wait to see what’s next.

I am not really sure what it is, but lately I have been thinking about moving. There’s nothing wrong with where we live. We couldn’t ask for better neighbors, we love our house, the town is great! We love Palmyra! It’s home.

But, there seems to be a restlessness in me.

We joke about moving, and having visited so many places, we have experienced many locations to choose from. I suppose the main thing that makes us want to move is the cost of living in NY. More than half of our monthly mortgage payments is our tax escrow payment. And it will only keep going up. Most of that is school tax, and we don’t even USE the schools. We only have to report everything we do, and then test in the schools… none of which I want to do. We opted out, so they should have no jurisdiction over us. I think. But, in NY… they do.

So, we’ve looked at the states that have the most lenient homeschool regulations as possibilities. We have looked at states that have nice weather (I mean cooler…) 🙂 We have looked near where we know family or friends are.

But, even with all of that, I don’t know if we will actually move. 🙂

I know that it is a bit of “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. Well, if we can just get out of these high taxes, things will be better. If we didn’t have the annoying regulations and laws of NY (not just homeschool… it’s the only state where it’s illegal to use a cell phone in your hand while driving, and more…) we’d be better off. If we didn’t have such high costs of gas and energy and sales tax and thruway tolls and on and on… we’d have more money.

I am not sure all of that is true. But it is what we’re thinking.

Stay tuned for further developments.

Do you remember when Jesus had to escape the clutches of his adoring fans? Great crowds of people were attracted to the greatness of this man, and enamored by all his care and loving attention to the downtrodden and otherwise societally ignored. His teaching was so amazingly true and authoritative. It seemed like he really knew what he was saying, far more than any of the other teachers of that day.

And so they wanted to help him succeed. They wanted to increase the scope of his influence. They wanted to make him King.

“Jesus saw that they were ready to take him by force and make him king, so he went higher into the hills alone.” – John 6:15

It had probably been a very exciting day. Crowds gathered to hear what he would say, and see what he would do on this day. What new teachings would be proclaimed today? What amazing healings might be performed this day? The crowd was abuzz with anticipation.

And Jesus did not disappoint.

There is no record of what he taught or really anything that he said on this occasion. It simply says that, “Jesus soon saw a great crowd of people climbing the hill, looking for him.” When he noticed the throngs, he did not stop to share some sage wisdom with them. He did not elevate himself above them and share words of encouragement or chastisement. He simply wanted to feed them.

And feed them he did. We know the story. Two fish and five barley loaves fed 5000 people with 12 baskets to spare! Amazing! Inconceivable! But, it happened. Showing God’s care for our stomachs as well as our souls. It showed that he also provides in huge abundance, not just “what we need”. Everyone had their fill and there were twelve baskets left over!!! Amazing.

But the thing I noticed was what happened afterward.

Though Jesus had made no attempt to bring attention to himself or his healings or his teachings or anything of the sort, that is what the crowd wanted to do. They did not see a loving God caring for and providing for them, they saw a marketing opportunity. And they jumped on it. Probably almost literally.

Jesus noticed that they were ready to “take him by force”. What in the world??! What would possess them to do such a thing? This great teacher who was so gentle and understanding to even the most down and out soul in the crowd, and they felt they needed to use coercive force to make him see things their way?

Crazy. But, we are definitely a little crazy.

They knew Jesus was a “sure thing”, so they were willing to do whatever they could – maybe even whatever it takes – to promote him to the masses. To take him to the next level.

Problem is, he wanted no part of that. None. He left quick when he caught wind of their little scheme.

What was so wrong with it? If someone in the crowd had the power or connections to take him to the next level, why would he not want that? And this was not an isolated event. There is another time or two where the crowd wanted to “make him king” and he quietly slipped away. Why would Jesus not want such a position?

Only thing I can think is the timing, or the motivation.

Recently, a friend of ours had a great idea. She is a linguist, and offered to translate a great book into Spanish. The response she got puzzled me a bit. The author replied, “You should check to see if this is something God is leading you to do, or just a good idea you have.” I wasn’t sure what to think of that. I understand on the surface, and know that it’s great to make sure God is leading. But, who’s to say the great idea was not from God?

So, after wrestling with that a bit, I found myself having a different great idea for that same author. He is now an acquaintance of ours, and just a great, smart guy. I have some expertise in the web design and even audio avenues, and I might be able to take him to the next level. And while I was making these grandiose plans for him, I was stopped by the thought of what he had told my friend.

“Is this from God or just a good idea you have?”

I do not know our author friend’s reasoning behind that question, but when I applied it to my situation, I thought of Jesus escaping the well-intentioned (I think?) crowds who wanted to make him king. Perhaps that was my motivation?

It reminded me of something I had written recently regarding our strange desire to constantly build bigger and better. Not sure the full ramifications of these ideas, but they appear to be linked, and also to not be completely in synch with the heart of God. God destroyed the Babel tower, and Jesus left quick when they tried to make him king.

What is God’s aversion to our plans? Why do our attempts to climb the ladder of success make him cringe? I am very sorry, but I do not have an answer. I am intrigued by the thoughts God has been leading me to, but I still need some wisdom from him.

Until then, I will continue to listen for his voice, and follow his leading in my life. If he asks me to do something big and crazy, then I know it will be great. If I have a great idea, I want to make sure it is his leading, and not just my own crazy idea. It will never work if that’s the case.

What an awesome thing to know that he will lead. That we can listen for his voice and know that the outcome will be great. I am learning that it’s easier than I think. I have always thought that silence meant I was not good at hearing his voice. I think I am learning that sometimes God does not speak. Sometimes he just wants us to wait, and trust. When he speaks, I have always known it. It’s in the silent times that I get restless, and wonder where he is leading.

I will continue to seek his guidance, and I am going to try and rest in his answer, or his silence. I love him, and I know he loves me. So, when my ideas are met with apparent silence, I will wait for his better timing or ideas. I will not try to take him by force and make him king. Nor anyone or anything else that I might feel the urge to increase the scope of their influence.

He doesn’t really need my help with that.