It's Not About Church

It's about Jesus.

That may seem simplistic, but I really believe it's true.

If you'll permit me... I just need to lay down some thoughts I've been working through on this.

The Kingdom is not about what we can do (with or without Jesus' help). Life as a follower of Jesus is not about going (or NOT going) to the Sunday morning gathering - or any other one really. It's not about making the stuff we do together more effective, better, more focused on Jesus, more fruitful...

It's really, truly, only, about him.

This truth has just been in the forefront of my mind for many weeks now, seeing it in various ways at various times... through books I read, stuff I see in Scripture, conversations with friends...

It's just about Jesus. He did say, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life." Focus in on that last one. He is life. In John 17:3, Jesus said, "This is eternal life: to know you the one true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent." (I added the italics...) ;-)

We squabble over what parts of "Christian" life are most important. We quarrel over doctrines and even "worship" styles and preferences. We know the Scriptures because we think they have eternal life, but the Scriptures point to Jesus. (See John 5:39.)

How does that look? How does the church live life together ... just as the body of Christ? I'm not sure. Not sure I'll ever be sure. But I am sure that we put a lot of other stuff in the way that doesn't need to be there. We work so hard at being the church, we just need to know and follow Jesus, and he will shape his church. That doesn't make sense in the world, but I really think it does in the Kingdom.

Sorry for the brief rant. I must be bothered by something these days. (Remember the rant on tips from a few days ago?) I certainly don't have all the answers, but I do love the idea of living life together (real, everyday life) with other believers not under the banner of some "local church" or denomination or whatever... but just as believers, excited to follow Jesus as he leads and to share that life with others.

That's so the church... and at the moment in our lives, it seems to be muted by all the other stuff we call "church". Looking forward to the next season of life where we see Jesus building his church all around us.

The Dichotomy of Trust and Control

Life is full of options. There are choices everywhere. I think maybe in America we are overwhelmed by choices. We have such an abundance of material wealth (yes, even in "this economy") that we have probably thousands of choices to make each day.

But even though there are so many choices, for we who follow Jesus, they often fall into one of two categories: trusting, or attempting to control. That may at first seem oversimplified, but I keep noticing that most choices (on some level) lean one way or the other.

It makes sense, too. Life with God seems to be all about getting to know him, and in that, learning to trust him. Jesus asked that we would have eternal life, and then he said, "And this is eternal life: to know you the one true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent." (John 17:3, emphasis added) And from that knowing, that deeper relationship, grows a trust that allows us to follow his lead, his voice. Conversely, when we don't know him, we can't trust him. And so, we can't live the life to the full that he has for us.

When we fully trust God, we don't need to take or get for ourselves. Basically, that's what sin is. Sin is when we take for ourselves something that God hasn't given to us. That can be something tangible like stealing, or adultery, even murder. Or, it can be less obvious. It can be just trying to control our circumstances with a "little white lie" or gossip, or other forms of manipulation. But the heart that is content in relationship to our Father - completely trusting him in and for everything - I dare say, will not sin.

This dichotomy plays out through every facet of life as a believer. In your financial decisions, are you bearing the weight of providing for your family (or just worrying about how that will happen), or are you content, knowing God is the provider. In your schedule, do you have every moment of every day scheduled and planned even days, months, years out into the future, or do you wake up in the morning and say, "What do you have for me today, God?"

It also applies to life together as the church.

As a church, do we not attempt to control how God will speak to us, planning out lesson series and other structures that will ensure that everything that needs to be said, will be said? Even a whole year or more in advance? Don't we attempt to implement structures that will ensure that everyone's needs are met, spiritually and otherwise?

Also, do we not feel the need to keep people in line doctrinally, making sure that everyone is (as we see it) "right"?

Of course there is a balance in all things. There is nothing wrong with preferring to have a schedule versus not having a schedule. Life doesn't always (or usually?) go the way you want it to, so flexibility is obviously important, but scheduling is not bad. Structuring your day so that everything can get done, including time with others and God, can be a good thing. It can become a bad thing though when structure becomes a substitute for the relationship(s) and even worse, when we begin to feel the need (in our own desire for structure) to begin structuring the lives of other people around us. (This is another example that can be readily seen in the "church".)

I've been thinking about all of this a lot lately. I'm becoming more and more convinced that there are basically two ways to live ... institutionally (implementing systems and structures attempting to control your surroundings, regulate your life, and the lives of others) and "organically" (though I don't like that word much) meaning, I suppose, the opposite. Interacting with life as it happens, enjoying and living life in the moment, and allowing others to live their lives as God leads them - still alongside each other, but without the need to manipulate, intentionally or not.

I read an article (here) yesterday that sparked more thinking on this. Here's a quote from the second paragraph of that article:

"It seems all of this stems from the fact that we really don’t trust that Jesus is capable of building his church—that he cannot give rise to the reality of his family if we don’t “start something”. It’s as if living loved and loving just won’t be enough to let him do all he wants to do."

That's another big piece of the dichotomy. Why would we not build systems and structures to accomplish worthy tasks unless we didn't really think God was capable of it on his own... unless we didn't trust him? And, conversely, why would we if we really did?

I posted a link to that article on Facebook, and a discussion ensued with a couple friends. I was going to pull out some pieces of it and then re-word it here, but I think I'll just let you listen in if you'd like...

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STEVE: Greg, I think you're oversimplying things here. As I understand your position, there "ways to live" actually comes down to "enjoying and living life in the moment" and systems. This is too limiting. I would offer that there are many different degrees of ways to live, and our goal should be to strike a balance between the two extremes offered.

Structures are often lambasted and distrusted because they can be easily manipulated. Therefore, many Christians today are flocking towards a freer expression of faith. Yet purely organic expression can yield utter chaos and this is not part of God's plan either.

Systems do not require that we constrict organic expression and growth. Here's a not-well-developed metaphor off the top of my head: I can grow an organic garden and yet I need to be meticulous in my planning of the garden in order to get the most out of it.

ME: Hey Steve, totally agree on grey areas (life in between "extremes") ... but do you think that perhaps one could loosely say there are those two ways of doing life? One attempts to control/plan/structure it (to varying degrees) and the other attempts to not, instead following Jesus lead, and intentionally living free of structure and schedule and obligation, to be able to react to life as it happens?

This does not mean there aren't plans... it means the plans are secondary. It also is not limited to schedule. One of the big differences in the way we are living now, and the way I think I may have been living before is, I'm not trying to get anyone to do anything. I was before. That's what structures do. They attempt to control the flow of life - including "organic" relationship... rather than let it happen, and let Jesus be the head?

You're right... it is a broad brush. But I was only speaking in generalities here. Boiling it down to the very basic foundational paradigms ... I really think there's a lot of room for the church to let Jesus lead.

An interesting quote I heard recently... some Bible college professor I believe, said, "Churches are always looking for where God ISN'T working, and then they try to "fill in the holes" there, instead of looking/watching for what he IS doing, and following him there." And that's so true! If there's a group of people, or some "ministry" that is lacking or falling behind, church leadership will attempt to address that "need" ... rather than (I think) let Jesus lead his church, and do the work HE wants to do...

What do you think?

STEVE: I think the distinguished "two ways" of this discussion is based upon the assumption that truly following Jesus means freedom from structure. Does the sound right? I think this is assumption is based on our observance of Jesus' life as described in the Gospels. He seemed to live his life like Forrest Gump's feather, floating off from town to town however he wished (dated reference?).

Ironically, he see in the book of Acts and the Epistles that structure of the church is essential to its survival. I'm currently teaching through 1 Corinthians and Paul's major gripe of that church was that they were essentially living in chaos. His demand of them was to get some structure in their church before God took care of it for them (specifically see that latter part of chapter 14).

I hope this isn't getting too far away from your contention, because I do see your perspective here . . . The church growth movement was too heavy on specific structures for growth. The book of Acts taught us that God grows the church as he sees fit. This is why in our church, I have reacted much as you have described. We are in no way seeker sensitive but are resigned to simply being the church and being available when God leads. That's what I meant earlier— we are striving to be structurally organic.

The structure is to ensure biblical accountibility. The organic is so that we don't blaze a trail where God never intended for one to be.

MARCIA: I'm taking a break & thought I'd check FB while drinking my tea. You two are giving me a headache ;) and getting too engrossed in analyzing this. I like what Oswald Chambers said "My Goal is God himself, not. . ." I long ago had the "revelation" that I shouldn't get stuck on the "dos" and "don'ts" and "how-tos" but I should listen and follow the Holy Spirit inside me--then I will do right. If that means staying with a structure-fine; if it means something freer, fine

ME: Steve, good thoughts. Sounds like you guys are enjoying a good measure of freedom together as a church, that is cool. I think what you said is accurate, life with Jesus is about freedom (from lots of things) and that can include structure.

Like, the structures of religious obligations, either self-imposed, or imposed by whatever group of people (church) we have aligned ourselves with. It seems to me that anytime we "commit" ourselves to anything beyond living with Jesus and loving the people around us... it can become less than free, to varying degrees of course.

As for the "where God is working" thing, of course that's right. I may be not perfectly quoting him, also. But the gist was re: what I said earlier, how churches seem consumed with "providing" for places where there are "needs" ... when, maybe that is either not a "need" or perhaps Jesus is meeting that need in other ways.

ME: Marcia! That's it! Totally it. And the point that I was agreeing with in the article I posted a link to. (Did anyone read that yet??) :-) "To each his own" would apply well here... and the issue is that we, the church, get bogged down in the "dos" and "don'ts" - especially for others! - and we forget to just listen to what God is asking us to do. Certainly, since he is the head of a body that is joined together, that could mean that groups of us may do the "same" thing together, but the problem arises, I think, when we try to capture that and structure that and put systems in place to make that happen.... often eliminating the believer's need to listen to and follow Jesus - the Shepherd's - voice.

STEVE: I just have to say, Marcia, that this SHOULD be thoroughly analyzed, even more-so than this. The issue is critical since there are many who simplistically respond, "I'll do what the Holy Spirit tells me" but confuse those messages with birthed from their own will.

I've heard many a person remark "well, this is what God told me," when God would say no such thing. Hence, the importance of submitting to some sort of spiritual structure beyond ourselved and our biblical interpretations. Otherwise, we come perilously close to the sin of Eden (becoming our own gods).

MARCIA: I agree that this and many other things need to be questioned, discussed and analyzed. How can one know and grow in their faith without questioning, thinking? I'm a structure person & God knows that and, therefore, has kept me in the church I'm in (there have been temptations to leave in the past), BUT things can also be over-analyzed, over-structured, over-loose, etc., etc. I felt led to share my 2-cents worth, that's all. Or I just wanted to butt it on an on-going conversation.

ME: This is exactly what I'm talking about! :-) Steve, I think you are saying that (totally my paraphrase), "People are going to get it wrong, and not really be hearing God when they think they are, or even just be deceptive about it, deceiving themselves and others, [implied here...] and God is not going to take care of that, SO we need to manage that with a system or structure to ensure that the good thing(s) happen."

What I'm saying is, structures will never fix that. I think that Jesus cares about that. He wants each of us to live in Truth (which, I believe he said is... him) and the thing is, he is patient to ridiculous extremes. Way beyond us. So, he's ok with people not getting it yet. But we aren't. We want them to get it now, and not be self-deceived or otherwise. So, we create structures.

What we could do is, talk with the people God puts on our hearts. Share with them the life we know in him. Offer stuff for them to chew on - NOT stuff they "should" or "shouldn't" do. Rather, we live in the freedom of just being loved by God (which includes him working in our lives to know him better) and loving other people whom he puts in our path, or even specifically asks us to do something for.

Structure can often eliminate God from the picture. It certainly does not always - as you said, "Is there anywhere God ISN'T working?" Of course not! But the issue I have been thinking on for a long time, and working out through Scripture and conversations with God and other folks is how do we live a life where we are so available to listen to the Head that whether it's in the context of some structure we've made up, or completely separate from that, we ourselves have the freedom to act on it, and we also allow others the freedom to live and learn from the Master/Head/Shepherd himself, and his Holy Spirit, who "teaches us everything we need to know"

I think the issue is that, again, often, not always, structures end up becoming a substitute for that direct connection to the Vine, that each of us has, or needs to have. (This was mentioned in the article as well... structures becoming a substitute.)

One more thing I'd like to point out here. Structure, as I have said, is not the bad thing. When it is a substitute for what God has given us, it becomes a bad thing. There is structure to the body, the church. The fact that we're referred to as Jesus' body means that it is a unit, a container, with edges. It is not just an amorphous blob, but an actual entity. With Jesus as the head. That's an important part that so many of the "churches" I have known are missing.

When we get into trouble is when we begin building our own structures and systems, and imposing those on either ourselves, or worse, on other people. Structures and systems are only meant to limit - even in a good way. Limits are not bad, either. Again, the problem for us is when these tools that we put in place become a substitute for our direct connection to our Father, through Jesus, the vine.

I'll leave you with a few verses to chew on, penned by Jesus' friend John... and I'm sure I'll be revisiting this topic. (This seems more like a topic for a new book rather than just an article or two!)

1 John 2:27: But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don’t need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true—it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.

John 10:4: After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice.

John 14:17: He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.

John 15:1-5: “I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

Distorted View of God

Now, hear me out. I have a feeling my words here could be misunderstood. But I also think I may be seeing something from a slightly new angle (for me) that may also be helpful to you.

As I've been reading Genesis again, I've been watching for how God is interacting with us (people) in the stories. What seems to be his heart. Where is the person we see in Jesus in the gospels. I've commented here already on how much I can see that God is with us, and wants to be. Even though we have been a mess pretty much from the start. That's amazingly cool.

Another line stood out to me.

When Seth [son of Adam and Eve, after Cain killed Abel] grew up, he had a son and named him Enosh. It was during his lifetime that people first began to worship the Lord.
Genesis 4:26

Wait. Say that again?

It was during his [Enosh, grandson of Adam] lifetime that people first began to worship the Lord.

Really? What about Adam? And Eve? And Cain and Abel... what about the offerings that they brought, the ones that were acceptable and unacceptable. Didn't God establish some kind of worship rules and schedule for them to follow? He didn't?

Huh.

Strangely, in this brief, overviewish jaunt through Genesis so far, one thing I have noticed is that God did not require worship. At least, I haven't seen it. What I have noticed is a slow progression in the way we (people) feel towards him and interact with him.

In Genesis 2, Adam and Eve spent time literally in God's presence. And he with them. When they had to fess up to eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, God was walking around in the garden. He was right there.

There is a line in this account that I remember just chuckling at as a kid. Remember it? "Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame." Tee hee! They were naked! Isn't that funny!?

Until this day, I don't think I really understood the significance of that. The fact that there is no shame was revealing much more than the basis for a life of nudism.

Consider the role shame seems to play not only in the next chapter, but the next ten chapters of Genesis, and sin completely overwhelms the human race, and Genesis says, "all their thoughts were consistently and totally evil." The first effect of shame was that they felt they had to cover up their bodies. God found them hiding from him, the account says, because they realized they were naked. But could it also have been that they realized they had chosen what God had told them not to?

Following that, notice that Cain and Abel both start bringing offerings to God. Already, they are separating God from themselves. Adam did not do that. Adam and Eve did not. But one generation later, that is what is happening. And God continued to be with them.

Then Seth was born, and as I wrote above, it was during his son Enosh's life time that people first began worshipping the Lord. Another step towards removing ourselves from God, distancing ourselves from him.

By the time Noah and his family got on the ark, God told them to make provisions for sacrifices which they offered after the flood was over and they were all alone on the planet.

Now, did God command them to offer sacrifices? Didn't he by saying bring enough animals for a sacrifice demand to be worshipped? I don't think so. Jesus said that God allows for divorce because the people had hardened their hearts. God knew that even "righteous" Noah and his family felt the need to offer sacrifices - which seems to be another step further down the road of separating ourselves from God than Cain and Abel's offerings. (Says nothing of a "sacrifice" in that instance.)

Do you see how important it was that we had no shame?

The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

We're almost to Easter. Easter is often a time when we implore people to feel shame. Remember that it was our fault that Jesus went to the cross! He grudgingly took our guilt upon him, all the way to the cross, scorning its shame. Wait, what? It doesn't say "grudgingly"? Oh? Right! It says this:

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.
Ephesians 1:5

Great pleasure. From the beginning of time, all God has wanted is to have a relationship with us. Him... with us. He pursues us. I submit that we, out of understandable shame, are the ones who separate ourselves from him. Not that he is not deserving of reverence and awe and worship. He is. But I believe he made us to be his kids... not his subservient subjugated subjects.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2 (NIV)

Jesus defeated sin, death, and shame on the cross that day. "For the joy set before him." We've read before that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." It's so hard to see it, because we live with shame. We move God off to a distance because we know our shortcomings. He is holy, different, other. And he is. But I think what he wanted us to see in Jesus - the perfect representation of who he is - is that he's not afraid to get a little dirty.

I think it's great to sing to and worship God and even remind ourselves just how amazing and awesome he really is. But in the end, what he seems to want most of all, is for us to just be with him. To know him.

Jesus, and the cross, gives us the freedom to do that. The freedom to be ourselves - naked - with him.

That's something worth celebrating.

The Icing on the Cake

Last night I was discussing Sunday morning worship services with some friends who lead such an event and said something in a way I am not sure I had prior to that. I think the general thinking had been there, but the thoughts came out more coherently than I expected.

We were talking about the desire for people to really worship - which is a rather nebulous concept, I suppose - at least, in some visible, tangible way for each person there to connect with God in a meaningful way. Be it an experience, a thought, perhaps even an emotion... some authentic expression of their hearts to God, and/or something received from him.

As we discussed possible changes to the setting which might allow people the freedom, or a better opportunity for that to happen, I just realized... we've been here before.

Lots of churches in lots of places have tried changing the configuration of the stage, of the chairs (even going from pews to chairs), the lighting on stage, the lighting in the room - all with the goal of facilitating more participatory worship. But mostly, to no avail.

The problem is the mindset. We come expecting to be served something. We come for the good teaching, perhaps the good music. Whatever it is we're coming for, the general mindset (even if it's not intended) is that something will be given to you at that place, during that hour. The goal these guys had in mind was that everyone would come together and bring something. To engage. Participate. But until that is the mindset going in, it's probably not going to happen.

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago now who also leads such events. He was feeling the same thing. When he is leading people in singing songs of worship to God, he does not see the engagement of their hearts through their faces. That's not always the best gauge, but he's probably right. There's not always the full heart connection that he's looking for in that setting. We talked about all the reasons it could be, but I thought (and told him) probably the main one is that he's looking for something in that one hour that is not necessarily true the the rest of the week - the other 167 hours.

If we want engaged, participatory, worship/celebration - we need to assemble worshippers.

We know what worship is. It's not the music. It's not the service we attend. It's not any number of positions, incantations, genuflections, or meditations. All of those can be worship, but Romans 12 says to, "offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." A life lived everyday with God, in close relationship with him (see my previous post below) is the main goal, and from whence worship originates.

For so many years we've tried to get people to live everyday life with God through the one hour service at the end of the week, when really, that should be the culmination of a week lived with God - then that hour would be great. We've been doing it backwards.

I'm not sure exactly how we get to the point that the large group gathering is filled with believers who are living in, learning from, and just enjoying close relationship with Father every day of their lives. The only way is, I suppose, to, "make disciples of all nations," as Jesus told his first group of followers to do.

Right now we "feed" people. We prepare tasty meals of truth applied nicely to life-lesson sandwiches. We sprinkle in some good music, maybe some other relevant media to spice it up a bit. And then, we send them home, until the next service. When they come back for more. Perhaps instead of feeding, what might work better would be to focus on helping people learn to be disciples. To learn to "feed" directly on the Source - the Bread of Life, the Living Water. He is who we follow, not anyone who might teach us about him, or help us "worship" him. It's all about him.

I still don't think there is any structure we can create, and programs we can organize that will accomplish this. I still believe we are made to relate. And in relating - as brothers and sisters in the body of Christ, rather than any spiritual hierarchy - we can pass along what we have learned (and are learning) as we consistently follow God's will, and live in close relationship with him.

I believe that as we do that, as we help people become disciples of Jesus - for real - then the church will thrive, and any large gatherings of the church will be joyous celebrations of the Life that is in us. Every day. Not just among us one hour of the week. That is just the icing on the cake!

The good news is, God is with us. Everywhere, every day.

God With Us

You have probably seen the words, "God With Us," around Christmas time. Perhaps along with the word, "Emmanuel." In my mind, it conjures up images of the baby Jesus, lying in a feed box. They are Chrismas words. In fact, it's the theme and title (sort of) of our Christmas album.

As I've been reading through Genesis, I've noticed that from the very beginning, those words have always been true.

It's apparently not just a New Testament idea. God did not suddenly change his mind about us, deciding it would be OK to hang out with us, once he fixed everything on the cross. Certainly that moment in history was important in restoring our relationship with God (see Romans 5), but as I've seen again from even the very moment we chose to separate from God, he was with us.

In Genesis 2, the account of Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden and the serpent and the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil... yeah, that story... God was with us. He walked with them in the garden. Even when they were hiding in shame, he was there - and made them coverings.

Even when he posted angels with flaming swords at the entrance of the garden (where the Tree of Life was) God did not remain there, he was present with Adam and Eve and their kids. The next chapters are the unfolding story of how people began to multiply. There were many more people, and God was with them. We see even the story of Cain and Abel, sons of Adam & Eve... God was there to receive their offerings, it seems like he was there in person. The relationship continued, even though it was now different. There was no record of Adam or Eve bringing "offerings" to God before that.

(Interestingly, there's no record of God asking for those yet, either...)

God even talks to Cain after he killed Abel. He gives him a mark, so that others won't kill him. As the story unfolds, God is there - right there - throughout. Even though it's getting worse and worse. Shouldn't the sin scare him away?

As the story continues, it doesn't scare him... but it does "break his heart." It gets so bad that he resolved to get rid of everything. Start over. He chooses to save one person, because his is "righteous". The qualifications for "righteous" were interesting to me.

He [Noah] consistently followed God's will, and enjoyed a close relationship with him.
Genesis 6:9

We talk about having a "relationship" with Jesus today, but I don't remember seeing that as the major qualification of "righteousness" in the Old Testament. Wasn't it about sacrifices and offerings and repentance and all that? (Actually, Hebrews says that all of those who were "righteous" from the OT were made righteous by their faith.... hmm...)

So God found someone who "had a close relationship" with him, and proclaimed him as the only righteous person on earth. I like, also, that he "consistently" rather than "always" followed God's will. It was about a relationship, rather than 100% obedience to a code of laws.

The biggest thing I get from the first 10 chapters of Genesis is that God is with us. From the beginning when all was perfect, through the time that we separated ourselves from him, to after that, through the cleansing of the giant Flood, and afterward... God is there. He's not afraid to be near "sinful" people. The whole story of human history I think is one of God wanting to be in a close relationship - like with Noah - with us. That's the point. Everything he does, everything he did from the beginning points to that.

More to come...

The Story of Creation

I have been wanting to intentionally, methodically read through the Old Testament again recently, and somehow chose today to start that process. I almost started in a book other than Genesis, but decided, how can you not start there?

I'm glad I did.

I noticed a few things in what I read that I wanted to write out here.

First, I noticed that there was an order to things. There was definitely a process to the story. From formless and void to separating the waters. From separating water from water (which is pretty interesting) to separating water from land. Then the lights: sun, moon & stars. Then plants, animals - also in a sequence - and then finally, people. There was an order.

Why did he do that? Why didn't he just—POOF—make everything? How did he choose the order? Did one thing build on the other? Was each step part of his original blue print? Is God such an artist that he was even just "making it up" as he goes? Could he have been that spontaneous? Was he simply enjoying the process?

Who can know? Not I. But the fact that he built one thing upon another stuck out to me. Maybe not the way I would have done it. (But, thankfully, I'm not God.)

Then God said, “Let the land sprout with vegetation—every sort of seed-bearing plant, and trees that grow seed-bearing fruit. These seeds will then produce the kinds of plants and trees from which they came.” And that is what happened. The land produced vegetation—all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

This was another cool thing I noticed. Not only did he make stuff, he made it so that the stuff could make stuff. Amazing. We can't really imagine infusing life into anything, especially from nothing... but he infused so much life, and such a pattern, that the life he created could also re-create. Plants, fish, birds, animals, even people. He built in the ability to reproduce "of the same kind." That really should be amazing, I think. Perhaps we're so used to it—it's just how it is—but, really... it is astounding.

Jesus did say, "I am the Life."

Mostly, I noticed that God is incredible, and I hope to see him more in the pages of the Old Testament again, through the slightly dimmer vision of those who knew him before he was fully revealed in Jesus. We're pretty lucky in that regard. Jesus - the full representation of God - made himself known, and after defeating sin, and death, and shame by dying on the cross, he got back up and lives with us today. Here. Now.

In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.
Hebrews 1:1-3

Made Me Smile...

On a lighter note, on my way home to my family yesterday afternoon (from my work that morning) I spotted a piece of paper with some drawings our five-year-old had made sometime earlier that week. I smiled at their amorphous cuteness. Fun to see what her mind and tiny hands had created.

But then I spotted her signature. Somehow, my heart welled with emotion and my smile got even bigger. (It is again as I type this.) There was something about the little dot over the "i", and the backwards letters. The determination and pride with which they were applied to her creation, yet the beautiful, innocent simplicity in them. It was just perfect and made me so love that I get to be her Daddy. :-)

Made me wonder if that's how our Daddy feels when he sees our creations? Does he love to see the creations of his creations? They aren't always spectacular, but they are unique and a piece of who we are. Doesn't have to be art... can be anything we do or say perhaps. But is bears our signature.

And I just bet it does make him smile.

A Journey Shared... Again

Yesterday a friend called and said that she had been reading my book, A Journey Shared, and was really enjoying. She talked about the conversational style of the writing, but how it made her really think about the content. I was really glad to hear it, especially almost four years now after I published it.

In fact, I was intrigued, so I picked up a copy of the book - one of the two we have in the house I think! - and read the brief introduction, as well as the first "chapter". (Chapter is in quotes because they really are just short "entries" more than chapters, as a chapter seems worthy of more lengthy prose. At least to me.)

As I read the introduction, I was glad for what I had written. Made me want to read more. (Some of it was kinda funny... a little advertisement for iUniverse.com, the publishing company I chose... but, that's nice too.) And, I thought about what my friend had said. She was right. It does make you think. :-)

At the end of the intro, I recommended that people might buy a copy for a friend. Some have. But it's been a long while since there was any talk about this little book. I thought it might be good to change that.

Below is the introduction to the book, A Journey Shared. You can purchase it in many places actually. Probably easiest via Amazon.com (linked to the right.) I actually don't make much money at all from the royalties on the book, believe it or not. But I would love to hear that you have a copy, or gave a copy to a friend. There are some cool thoughts about life with God in there, and perhaps it would be an encouragement to you or someone you know.

As I say below, "This journey is meant to be shared."

So, I wanted to share it with you... again. Enjoy.

---

Introduction
January 31st, 2005

Hi. My name is Greg. You have already seen my head, it’s on the cover of this book. This book has been an adventure for me. A Journey, as the title suggests. Most of the material published herein was first posted (grammatical errors and all) on my blog page. It has had several homes, but has finally rested at www.GregsHead.net.

I am a writer at heart. I always have been. From my earliest childhood memories, that is what I wanted to do! So, the advent of the blog page has been a wonderful thing for me – a simple, fast, and free place to write about anything and everything. And that certainly has been what you can find at that website. There is definitely a good reason to call the page “Random & Wandering Thoughts From Greg’s Head”.

But I began to hear from people. Some simple comments, “Hey, good blog!” But a few were more in-depth. Some people were really touched by my blogs. I have heard that several folks have used them as personal devotionals, or even devotionals for group meetings. That is so great! My primary purpose for writing these “blogs” is not really for the reader. It is, (read Audience) but mostly it is a way for me to process The Journey.

As comments continued to come in, a few suggested that I should print the blog for those who can not access the internet. (Namely, my Grandparents!) I thought it was worth checking into, so I did. I found iUniverse.com. They are the publishers of this book. They offered a great way for me to make the blog page (in an edited, and compiled, and organized way) available without having to go through a publisher who would require printing 1000s of copies up front! I did not want to do that. This way, the book will be available through my website, and through iUniverse.com and at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and more! Sounds like a great deal!

I am excited to share these writings in this format. As I went through and corrected spellings, and grammar and punctuations, and added or repaired sentences a necessary – I also got to relive the journey. What a year it has been. Every day with God is an adventure, but you string a year or a year and a half of those together, and you have quite a Journey.

And the Journey was meant to be shared.

You may not agree with all of the things I say. I have a friend who doesn’t agree with most of the things I say. But hopefully you will hear things from my Journey with our Father that will encourage you. That will ring true in you. That perhaps, you can share with someone else.

Thank you for purchasing this book. It certainly helps us when you do. I encourage you to purchase copies for people who may be strengthened by reading the life shared within. But money is not the goal with this book. If you can share my Journey with another, please do. Please visit the blog page. It is updated quite often. Please send a friend there.

The Journey is meant to be shared. So please do.

See you inside...
Greg Campbell

Asking Because We're Loved

Remember a little while ago, I posted some thoughts regarding asking God for things, even though we might know or trust that he knows the best option or outcome anyway? I am still chewing on that, to be sure, because the more I get to know our Father, the more I trust his love for me and his way superior wisdom (not to mention much better vantage point).

This morning I was thinking more about what we ask God for and had a couple more thoughts to add. This past weekend, we were looking at Paul's prayer and how he asked for stuff we don't usually pray for. We like to pray for healing and other physical things (monetary needs, jobs, places to live, food to eat, etc.) Paul asked God to give the church inner strength, an understanding of just how amazingly loved by God they are, and by that to be filled with the fullness of life that comes from God. Notably, he didn't ask for healing, provisions, or freedom from persecution. He asked that they would know Jesus more.

And, I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating, in Jesus "model prayer" (his reply to, "Master, teach us how to pray") neither did he pray for healing - only for "daily bread".

But what perhaps "clicked" today for me was that, even though Jesus didn't necessarily ask God for it, and Paul did not, what we see Jesus doing is tons of healing. A majority of the stories we have from Jesus' life on the planet involve some sort of healing. (And sometimes we see him asking his Father to bring that healing, but often he just healed.)

Why the discrepancy? Why wouldn't Jesus model that in his "How To Pray" prayer? Why didn't Paul ask for that for the Ephesians? I think maybe that there are "better" things than healing, at times, but in the end, God loves us... and he listens to us. He really does. When Jesus saw the people who were hurting and were asking for healing, maybe he knew of some way they could "grow" spiritually - that "inner strength" Paul asked for the Ephesians to receive - but when he was asked, he gave.

I know that as a dad - and certainly a flawed dad - I can be swayed by my kids' askings. Even if perhaps there is a "better" option. Not always, of course. But sometimes. And I wonder if sometimes God forgoes the long range "best" to just say a short term, "I love you." Could that be? Does that mean he is choosing an inferior option? Doesn't that lessen him? Only if love is a lesser choice. I think he'd argue that it is not.

Much of this is just off-the-cuff ramblings from some thoughts I am still processing. It's been a strange season lately. Lots of major illness and other things to ask God to heal, restore, renew. I am doing that. (And actually, so is he. Some very positive - if only short term? - happenings in response to our askings.) So, thanks for reading along, and I very much welcome your thoughts on "prayer" and the balance between asking him for what we long for, what we think is best, and trusting the love of our amazing Father, whom we know loves us, and knows "best."

It's an interesting journey, is it not?

I'm Praying For You

Recently I have been asked to pray for people a lot. Or, just offered to. A lot of crazy things going on. Friends losing jobs, dealing with tumors and cancers, relationship turmoil, and even just people caught in a mess of their own poor choices.

I am certainly not immune. I have felt tired, spent, exhausted, and overwhelmed by much of life for the past 8 or 9 months. There are certainly bright spots, and, as the song goes, "All of the way, my Savior leads me," but life is just not always sunshine and lollipops. (Like, for example, the $600 auto repair bill I just got...)

Through it all, however, I want to, and do ask God to "fix stuff" in life. But I have found that this is the hardest thing for me to do with Him. Not that I don't think he listens, or answers, prayer... I know he does. I even wrote a song about it.

I also have no problem talking with God. I love him, and know he loves me. So we chat often about many things. Everything. Even if it's not polished up all nice and shiny for him. Because I know he loves me.

That is the part that is not making sense for me. Every time I ask God for something - be it for me, or for someone else - I eventually (usually quickly) come to the point where I say something like, "But if you have a better idea, I want what you want." Every time. Which always makes me think, "So why am I asking you?" It's not that I am unwilling to ask... that's why I do ask. What is it that won't let me ask for something without a qualifier?

Best I can figure, it's because I have come to know my Father, and completely trust him. I know first, that he loves me completely and his plans for me are to "prosper me, and not to harm me." I totally get that. And I trust that. Completely. So whenever I ask for something, I always realize, "You know... I am only looking at this from my perspective... you probably know something much bigger-picture. If I am asking for something that is not the best, then I want what you want!"

Does this negate the need to pray for stuff in your life, and for other people? I don't think so. There are examples of believers praying for the life circumstances of themselves and other believers. It's not bad. And maybe it's just good in that we are refocusing ourselves, remembering from whom we receive "every good and perfect gift." I still wonder though if there is something in this that I am not quite understanding.

I'm sure there is. :-) And I'm certain that my Father will lead me into it, and beyond.

Who You Know

I was thinking tonight about how things have happened in my life. I got to chat briefly with a long-time, good friend - Adam - whom I do not get to really share life with any more. He and his family live in another area of the country, and aside from the occasional conversation over electronic mediums, and the even more occasional (meaning, almost never) in-person conversations, our friendship is mostly something from our past.

We can always pick it up again, whenever we strike up those conversations. But with such distance geographically, and chronologically, our friendship is definitely different than it was "back in the day". (When I would say he was probably my closest friend.)

What is so interesting though - perhaps only because I'm thinking these things after two in the morning? - is how when you look back on life, it's so cool to see how all things do work together for good. God crosses paths at just the right times. Somehow, reminiscing about the good ol' days with my friend Adam reminded me that his friendship with Jen (and the words he spoke when he introduced the two of us) eventually brought five super-awesome people into the world.

Not directly, of course. Not even intentionally. But it happened. Adam knew Jen, and thought she was awesome. He said, "Jen's the kind of girl you could marry," meaning the general you, but ... truer words he never spake. :-) Now eighteen and a half years later... I can't imagine my life without Jen, and God has given us five tiny people to love and to be Dad & Mom to. Crazy.

That's the other thing. Thanks to my friendship with Adam, I met Jen. Many years later, we married, and God added to our family... and not just "some people" but specifically, Ian, Alex, Kirsten, Julia, and Emma. Those are the specific people that God created - from me and Jen - and he wanted us to be the ones who were Mom & Dad to them. Sometimes that blows me away. Other times it just makes me smile. How cool that God set it up that way. He is the giver of life, and he has given these specific lives to our care, and us to them. So cool.

So just remember tonight (or, likely, this morning or later) that you are who you are supposed to be. All your strengths, and all your weaknesses. You are also in the right place, and in the right relationships, and perhaps you are even the Mom or Dad you are supposed to be. That doesn't mean complacency about destructive behavior or relationships. It does mean that when you start to doubt your worth, or your impact... it's time to remember that YOU are the perfect you.

Who knows what will be credited to you eighteen and a half years from now?

Content

The past three weeks - maybe four - have been mostly a blur. I've been sleeping even less than normal, and been working much more than normal ... and yet, there is a strange contentment like I have not recently known.

For quite sometime, financial pressures have been slowly bearing down on us, threatening to completely crush us. Well, at one point early this month, it seemed they would. We were at the end, literally, of every financial rope. We really didn't know what to do.

So, I decided to try this online package that was only $499.95 that promised I could be making $600,000.00/week in just three short steps! The first week, my check was only $4537.84, but the second week, it tripled to $12,450.32! Now I'm getting checks for over $50,000/week!!! It worked for me, and I can share all my secrets with you in my online resource, "Everything I know about making money online, and why it will work for you!" - at a discounted rate for all GregsHead.net readers - only $399.95!!! So act now!

No. I didn't do that. But I was tempted to... :-)

See, what really happened was I just let go. I already knew that stuff is just stuff, and if we even lost all of it, we'd still be OK. Life would go on. It would be different, but it would go on. I had been holding on so tight that when the money didn't come in, and "God didn't provide" I would just borrow more money (usually with credit cards) to pay for what we obviously "needed."

What I have come to learn (really, again) is that God gives us what we need. And if we don't have what we "need", then we don't need it. (Note: I want to say "probably don't need it" there, but I am really learning that I don't need the probably!) The key to the whole things is contentment. Content with what we have, and trusting that God will provide our "daily bread."

And he has.

Seriously, since we decided to just live on what we have - and have not used any credit cards in any way since then, probably four weeks - we have had everything we needed. I have been working many more hours (because I have always had the work, but never had the time to do it... hoping this extra work time is just to dig out of the hole we are currently in!) and so that has helped, but beyond that, there has been the generosity of some friends, as well as funny little moments along the way.

Like this one:

Last Monday, after paying some bills, buying some food... we literally had just a few dollars left. Jen's parents had just gotten home from a three-week vacation tour, and were coming to see the grandkids and give us a chance to go out for our summer anniversary (the day we decided to get married, July 16). I really, really wanted to take Jen to Red Robin as she has been wanting to do that for a very long time, but the cost was definitely prohibitive! So, with no money, we just weren't going to be able to do it. Unless... God wanted to give that to us. So, Jen asked him.

Not too long after Jen asked our Dad for enough money to go to Red Robin that night, I got an IM from a friend who I do some web work for... he needed a hosting account, ASAP. :-) So, I told him what it would cost, sent him the invoice, and he paid right away (and he paid a ridiculous bonus amount as well!) I told Jen, and she told me excitedly, "I asked God to do that!!"

How awesome is that? :-)

So, the point is not "don't use credit cards, just ask God for money for fancy date-night cuisine." The point is that we have found such contentment living on what we have. We are still in a pretty big financial hole, but God keeps providing, and giving us ideas I think, and we are listening and happily enjoying what God gives us - rather than going ahead of him, as I think we were before, to things he had not yet given us. Even things like food, gas, etc. Now if we don't have the cash, we don't get it.

And we have not been wanting. (Which is partially due to God's provision, and partially due to our contentment. Both working together.)

He really does love us, and take care of us. We know that, and we are getting to see it even closer and more clearly every day now. Honestly, though I don't like the financial pressure of where we are, and can't wait to pay off this debt, I hope that we will always be able to see so clearly how God provides - daily - for exactly what we need.

It's a fantastic place to be!

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
Matt 6:34 (MSG)

Book Review: Dangerous Wonder

I finished the book Dangerous Wonder earlier this week, and just wanted to say a few words about it, and again, highly recommend the read. It's actually a very short book, and full of very cool stories of people living life recklessly, irresponsibly, and altogether fantastically.

You might not think reckless and irresponsible would lead to "fantastic" but in this case, they do.

Mike Yaconelli presents a case for living life like a child. The last chapter kind of surmised the whole thing: be like a little kid. Jesus told us that we wouldn't see the kingdom unless we did, and it's so true. When we lose our kid-ness (and become "grown ups") we forget what it's like to trust, to play, to enjoy the moment, to be excited about the ordinary, and to be able to ask for help. All of those things are essential parts of life in the kingdom of God. And all are far too easy forgotten.

There were a few great, real-life stories of unabashed, unashamed grace and love shown to people - who did not deserve it. Usually from a child to an adult. You really need to read the book, but let me give you a couple examples.

He told of a type-A dad who had a very set routine every day when he came home from work. It was so set that his three-year-old son knew it by heart as well. One day, when he came home, the son came up to him and told him he had something for him. So he went over to the counter where the cookies were, climbed up (almost knocking down all the glasses) got a cookie... spilled the rest of them, but put them back... even poured a glass of milk for his dad - spilling a bunch on the floor in the process.

The best part of the story --- the dad just smiled, and accepted the gift of love from his son! It would have been easy to criticize all the mistakes, and the mess... but in a moment of greatness, he just let his son love him. What a great story!

The other story was near the end of the book, and featured the author himself. He and his wife had taken in a teenage boy for a time who had an abusive, drunken father. He eventually went on his way, but as "luck" would have it, a couple years later, the author and his wife needed to have some flooring installed, and the only contractor available to do it was the "drunken father!" They protested, but the supply company insisted, it was him or a very long wait. They chose the drunken father, but kept a very careful eye on him, assuming he would somehow try to cheat them.

As the work progressed to the final stages, Yaconelli came in to inspect and said that he'd be in his office, so the contractor could come get his payment there. Drunken father replied, "Oh yes, I need to talk with you about the bill." Yaconelli was infuriated and was certain that the man would try to weasel more money out of them - but he would hold firm!

When the man came in, finished with his work, he sat down and began writing out the bill. Yaconelli said he was quite ready to take on anything this guy had to dish out. But when the contractor finished writing, he looked up and said, "A couple years ago, I was a drunk, and I abused my family. You guys took in my son at a crucial time in his life, and saved my family. I've been sober ever since, and it has a lot to do with what you did for our family." Then he handed them the bill marked "Paid In Full".

That is just a perfect picture of grace. The unloveable was the one doing the loving. So cool.

Lots of great moments like that, and a reminder to live life to the fullest - like Jesus said he came to bring us - and definitely worth the read! Click the book cover above to buy a copy, or just check it out at your local library.

Next, in the queue... CS Lewis' Screwtape Letters, as well as In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day.

Christianity

Christianity is not about learning to live within the lines; Christianity is about the joy of coloring.

That is a quote from the chapter I read this morning from Dangerous Wonder. Jen & I were talking about this last night, how too often Christians are so concerned with what happens after we die, that we miss out on living life here and now.

Jesus was telling people about the kingdom of God once, and he said, "God's kingdom is right here with you" (Luke 17:21 - link is to Amplified Version) As I read that line recently with our boys I envisioned Jesus pointing to his chest, meaning that the kingdom of God is more of a perspective ... a way of thinking, living, interacting with God, the world around you, and others. It's a heart issue.

I just liked the quote and wanted to share. May your day be full of joyful coloring!

Currently Reading

You may have noticed that I added a "Currently Reading" section to the sidebar on the right. I thought it would be fun for you to sort of peek over my shoulder and see what's going into my head these days. (Since this is "Greg's Head dot net...)

I think maybe the book, Dangerous Wonder by Mike Yaconelli, affected my previous post, and has been reminding me again of the things that are important in my life. Namely, my family, and remembering to just live life with passion and fully enjoy it. To be like a little kid - fully loved by his Dad.

It's a very good book. I have read it before and wanted to be reminded of these things again. Glad that I picked it up. Been reading a chapter each morning. Gonna try and keep up (at least) that pace for a while. Been missing reading.

I'll likely have more to say when I finish the book in a couple days. For now, if you'd like to get your own copy, the little widget takes you right to Amazon where you can get one for yourself. I do recommend.

Faith Without Doubt

If you ask God for something specific (and do not doubt), that is faith.

If you do not receive what you asked for, but you remain unwavering in your trust of your Father, presuming that He knows better than you, and by not receiving what you asked for, you are actually better off ... is that the epitome of faith? Or is it just back-door doubt?

I'm really trying to figure that out.

The Chapmans

I learned today that earlier this week, singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman's 5-year-old adopted daughter was killed in an accident in the family's driveway.

Somehow, God has made us similar. I am a fan of his music - and something inexplicably deeper than that. There are similarities in my songwriting to his. Also a "big fan" of their family, and the way they are not only adopting, but helping lots of families do the same. We have not adopted - yet - but apparently share a similar love for big families.

And as a dad of little girls... how sad this family must be right now. How sad. We know that we only grieve temporarily when we know Jesus (to know him is eternal life...) but still... how they must hurt.

They set up a page with a little family video they made just a few weeks before she was killed. As well as a place to leave comments. Here's the link:

http://chapmanchannel.typepad.com/inmemoryofmaria/

Update from Greg's Head

I must say this poor blog has been quite neglected for the past couple weeks. It seems that my writing certainly goes in cycles. Sometimes I have lots to say and just can't help myself, so this blog is full of things to read. Sometimes I am so full of things to do that even though I do have things to say, I am not able to sit down and write them out. Other times, it's simply time for intake rather than output. I'd say we're definitely in a cycle involving a little of both of the last two.

So, instead of writing lots of detailed blogs (which I could certainly do, but must tend to other things) I will try and cover a lot of the stuff I'd like to chronicle here in bullet-point fashion.

• Work
  I have been very busy with web and graphic design, so much so that I am considering expanding. It feels as though the work load has grown too much for one person to handle. (At least, and still have family/free time.) I'm not certain how to work that out just yet, but the influx of clients continues, as well as a regular stream of work orders from satisfied current customers. A week or so ago I felt as though I was cresting the seemingly insurmountable hill of open projects, but then the hill just got a bit taller. So, I press on... Have made a few cool additions to my site (linked above) in the middle of the various projects I have been working on. I seriously need to update my "samples" page though as several of those clients have closed up shop and are no longer on the internet! :-)
  
  
• Music
  Oh, I finally did take our "Christmas decorations" down at our basicmm.com website, too. :-) I forget what motivated me to do it, since it was already late April or May when I did, but ... anyway, it's done. Also on the music front, our trip to Virginia in June may be in jeopardy because our family is too large to house! :-) We'll see what happens there...
  
  
• Fun
  Jen & I both have been enjoying Facebook and the many fun things therein. They added a live chat feature recently which has been extra cool. Realtime re-connecting with people you haven't spoken with in many years, or perhaps barely even know. Fun! (At least, for me that's fun!) Also, definitely loving playing the various word games there. I do love word games...
  
  
• Brennan Manning
  Jen cleaned out the attic recently and found a bunch of old cassette tapes. In one of the boxes was a set of teaching tapes we had purchased. It was "Healing Our Image of God... and Ourselves" by Brennan Manning. Manning's background as a catholic priest (and a monk, I believe) gives him an interesting perspective on the Gospel. But the heart of what he says is so great. It's the simple truth of the incredible love that our Father - Abba - has for us. We heard Brennan at a retreat over 10 years ago, and got his tapes there. He's been saying the same thing for decades - and I believe God has been re-emphasizing this basic point to me and Jen in recent years again - because it's the core of the Gospel/Good News. God loves us more than we can ask or imagine, and invites us to live life side by side with him, as his kids. Great stuff... on tape 4 of 5 right now. More on this to be sure...
  
  
• Friends
  Our closest friends - who are more like family - are moving. Their last day in town is next Wednesday. We have lived in the same town as them since we met in our college years. I moved up here to Rochester area with them right after college. Our kids have grown up together, sharing most of the fun/special days together. We've known of the move for a couple months now. That's kinda nice. Been a nice long goodbye. But it's still a goodbye, and life will definitely change. Very exciting for them, and I'm sure God will blow us away with the way(s) he fills what we can only see now as a void. But it's pretty sad at the same time. We're sure there will be tears next week. In the mean time, been helping with packing and moving as much as we can, and also just visiting as much as we can, while they're still here. We'll certainly see them again, but 15 minutes is a lot closer than 6 hours driving time. :-)
  
  
• Family
  We've also been visiting family a lot this month. We got to see my sister's new house in the Buffalo area. Then went over the next weekend for a big garage sale, and I made a nice mother's day lunch for my mother-in-law. :-) We're going over again this weekend, and then the next for various family events, too! It's nice that they are close, but it's also certainly an expense with gas being near $4.00/gallon!! Yikes!
  
  
• New Friends
  Jen has been going to the community center on Thursday mornings to join (mostly) moms with their pre-schoolers for a couple hours of playtime/funtime. This has been a cool way to meet people we have seen around town (at other similar events) and get to know them better. We obviously have the common link of having tiny kids :-) Looking forward to getting to know all of these new friends - who mostly live right around the corner(s) from us - over the summer.
  
  
• Lilacs!
  Whether you pronounce it "lie-lock" or, the proper, phonetic way (li-lac)... :-) I am just loving these flowers again this year. Been a neat spring in general. The flowering trees have been beautiful. Our neighbor has several lilac bushes and has generously allowed me to snap of some blooms whenever I'd like. And so, I've had beautiful, fragrant lilacs on my desk for the past week or two! Love it!
  
  
• Entertainment
  Almost forgot... been watching the NHL playoffs mostly these days. TiVo has been very helpful as we are usually out for evenings, but then watch the game in fast-forward once we are home! As close as the season was, it was surprising to see Pittsburgh and Detroit each take 3-0 series leads. The other teams both won their game fours, but should be a fantastic Stanley Cup Final between Pittsburgh and Detroit! They're both amazing.
  
  And, we've rediscovered our fondness for the 80s TV show, The Knight Rider. Our friends, the Vs, enjoy it as well (we loaned them our iPod to watch Season One in its entirety) and Season Two is now coming to our mailbox via Netflix. :-) Pretty corny at times, but also pretty fun. Ah, the good ol' days...

There have been lots of other fun events the past several days/weeks. Really can't share them all here. As I said, it's been a time of doing and intake more than a time of output :-) Suffice it to say, all of these social events have reminded me again that I am (or have become) a people person. I am not sure why I am doing an office-related job, then... :-) But am still super thankful for the provision we see from God in that.

More to come on the stuff I have been thinking through from the Brennan Manning tapes, as well as some good conversations with the church (friends who are fellow followers of Jesus), and just the stuff God has been placing on my heart and mind. So fun to share every bit of life with someone who loves me so much. Hope you know that, and you're experiencing that, too.

The Path I Have Trod

Going way back to my college years - when I first started to grasp the reality of life with a living and interactive God who loves me more than I can possibly imagine - I have seen God lead me. Almost step by step.

When I was a student at the University of Buffalo, studying English towards the goal of being a journalist as my profession, God began to gently suggest to me that I should somehow make a "career" (my word, not his) out of helping people understand him the way I had come to. He had finally reached me as the living Being that he is, not just the main Protagonist of the stories I heard at Sunday school. Not only was he alive, and reaching out to me, he loved me and accepted me completely, and wanted me to do life together with him. This was fantastic, and he was right, it's what I wanted to spend my life doing: helping people know him like I had come to know him.

So, following his lead, I transferred to Cincinnati Bible College to pursue some "career" in "ministry". I have said before, I had no intention of being a preacher, or pastoring a church, or anything like that. I just wanted to make spend my days helping people know Jesus. It was up to God to show me what that would be.

For two years I studied under people who had spent many more years that me studying Scripture. I still very much appreciate those days and weeks and months spent learning from those guys. I may not feel exactly the same way about every detail in Scripture, but I respect them and am glad to have learned from them.

Right about the time we were to graduate, it seemed God had directed me to work with college students, and I had an opportunity to do so at Miami University in Oxford, OH. I was all set to go there when - I believed then and do believe now - he opened another door, and suggested I go through it.

A tiny church in Victor, NY was looking to hire a youth and worship minister, and their main candidate was my college roommate! Add to that the fact that the preacher there was the brother of Jen, who was even then one of my bestest friends. There were many appealing things, and it seemed God was saying, "Go there." So, I did.

And there were many fruitful years of meeting people, and I think, helping them know Jesus as I had come to know him (and was still growing in knowing him.) I (and later Jen too) worked with a couple fledgling groups at a couple different local colleges. We worked with college and young adult folks who were part of the church who had brought me in to work with them. All good, years well spent. Certainly there were difficulties, but only the fond memories remain.

Looking back now, that seems to have been a season of life working through the "local church". (I don't like to use that term, but you know what I mean when I say it.) I was chatting with a friend the other day and realized that God has been "suggesting" new avenues for me to help people know him in roughly five-year intervals. This one was from roughly 1996-2001. In 2001, we began (in earnest) a new journey.

And boy was it a journey! :-)

2001 was the year that I resigned as the worship minister of that tiny church (which had grown quite a bit in those 5 years!) and began focusing full-time on our music, basic music ministries. God had actually led us back into that around 1999, and we were slowly moving toward it from 1999-2001, but it took several extenuating circumstances in that year to move us fully into the place I really believe he wanted us to be.

Looking back now I can see that God was completely leading that, arranging the places we would sing and share and help people to know him as we were coming to know him. It was really cool to see him lead and provide along the way, and more confirmation that he was the One behind all of it is that now, since we have transitioned to the next five-year phase... the music has almost completely dropped off the radar!

How did that happen? I really did not change that much in what I was doing. The requests to come share our music basically just stopped coming in! Before, they came all the time. But in 2004, God prepared both Jen and me separately for a coming change. We weren't sure what it would be, but were confident he was "suggesting" again.

We realized in the middle of a tour that it was time to lay that down and see what else God had for us. My only inkling was that I could probably do web design for people. Up to that point I only did my own and two or three others, very much on the side.

But again, God confirmed immediately that we had made the right decision. Almost the instant we agreed with him that we should not schedule future tours, and "lay down" a "ministry" that seemed to be still in its prime... the requests came pouring in. For web design!

Too funny. So amazing to see God provide and lead like this. The year 2005 was spent phasing out of the music "career" (for now, at least) and phasing in the web and graphic design "career". The other very obvious "phase" that we are in now is the family phase! We have five young kids now, three of whom have been born since Feb 2004. That is certainly another emphasis of this current "five-year phase". :-)

So 1996-2001 was local church related. 2001-2006 was our musical phase (roughly, as 2005 was still fairly populated with musical things). And now since 2006 I have been doing web and graphic design for people, and it has been the same as the music - completely at God's provision. He is the one who has brought every single client to me. Every one. I have not advertised, nor sought out new clients. Haven't had to! God has again led the way!

But there's the issue I face today, and have faced recently. Maybe even most of this "phase". I don't think I am made to do what I am doing, nor do I really enjoy it - at least, not as much as I had the other things.

Am I just ungrateful? Am I missing God's blessing? Certainly not that. As I have said, I am completely aware that God is providing this current "career" as a way to provide for our family. And certainly I am grateful for that. I am confused at how it still seems to not quite completely "provide" but I see him providing, and so I am confident that he will figure out the details.

This is the first phase that I am wishing would end sooner though.

Perhaps that is just a temporary glitch with me. Perhaps I am overwhelmed by other things in life? It is a lot to take care of five children! :-) Money is always an issue, as I know it is for most folks who will stumble across this blog entry. But really... I am frustrated. Frustrated by the provision I am seeing, and just not really wanting this particular provision.

Maybe it's like my kids at the dinner table. I most always make meals considering their fairly limited pallets, but frequently they will still complain that the food is "not their favorite". My typical response is to let them know that the current meal is all the food we have for tonight, and that they need to just eat it. Even though I know they don't really like it that much, I know it is good, and their little bodies need it.

Perhaps it's time to eat my vegetables?

I do certainly enjoy many parts of this current "tour of duty". Really. I obviously love computers, and the internet, and have considerable knowledge and experience that I can offer to people. I also think I have a pretty good eye for design. There are certainly many ways that this current "career" that God has provided fits me well. I'm not sure why it's not as fun. Could just be these are the vegetables I don't like so much. According to the path I've trod so far, it would seem I have till 2010 or 2011 to figure it out. :-)

If you've read this far you are a true friend, a good/fast reader, or just had some extra time to kill. I appreciate it. One way I process things is to write them out. God definitely - most definitely - made me a writer. A word smith. I look forward to that five-year phase. :-) (Certainly, that theme has woven through all of my years so far. But perhaps there will be a season where that is the primary focus?)

The best part of the story, and what keeps me going on? Very clearly seeing that God is leading all of this. This is where he wants me, and I know and love and trust him... and so I know it's where I also want to be.

Just have to get my heart to match my head on that one.

Subtle Difference

Today the boys and I read the very familiar paragraph in Matthew where Jesus says with the Ask, Seek & Knock stuff. God wants us to come to him and he wants us to know that he's listening. And that's amazing.

But the part I noticed is something that I have also been thinking a bit about recently.

At the end of the paragraph, Jesus says, "Treat others as you want them to treat you. This is what the Law and the Prophets are all about." (Matthew 7:12)

I have said that many times to my kids, and that is really how I want to live my life. Thinking about other people like I'd want them to think about me. Treating them as I would want to be treated. I actually forgot that Jesus said "That's what the Law & Prophets are all about" regarding this phrase. The other phrase I frequently use is "Love God, Love people." which is taken from another time Jesus said that, "Everything God has said up until now is summed up by that."

When he says that, it seems to me that we should listen.

But then, I have been challenged recently that thinking that way, and trying to live that way is still a bit religious. Though the motivation may not be from guilt, or a desire to earn God's favor, it is still about what I do. How I must change. How I must be. And certainly, on one level, that is good and right. When we do what is right - the way life is supposed to be lived - then life is good, and things work out the best way they can. Mostly.

Could a possible (subtle) alternative could be to focus on our relationship with God, rather than what we do after that? Could it be an even more healthy view of the Kingdom if we could say, "I am loved, and so are you." Do you see the subtle difference? I'm honestly not that sure I do, but a part of me does. The difference seems to be in the focus. One focus is still on what I can do, the other is focused on what God has done and is doing. He has restored our relationship, and he leads me every day, and he puts other people around me that I can love as I have been loved. Doesn't he?

It could just be semantics, and I know that I am prone to thinking too much on things at times. But the funny thing is, the more I "think on" this, the simpler it gets. Perhaps that is the true way of the kingdom.

Live loved today. I think when we do, then we are best able to really love back, and love out.

Relationality

This morning the boys and I continued our trek through the book of Matthew, with a tiny chunk from chapter five. I was just going to reference it, but I thought perhaps you might like to read the whole bit together for the context of what we saw in it today.

Matthew 5:21-25 (CEV)
You know that our ancestors were told, "Do not murder" and "A murderer must be brought to trial." But I promise you that if you are angry with someone, you will have to stand trial. If you call someone a fool, you will be taken to court. And if you say that someone is worthless, you will be in danger of the fires of hell.

So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God.

Before you are dragged into court, make friends with the person who has accused you of doing wrong. If you don't, you will be handed over to the judge and then to the officer who will put you in jail.

Did you see it? What stood out to you about those three situations? I asked my boys, "What was the most important thing in all of those stories?"

At first they said excitedly, "Don't be mad!" I said, "That's part of it..." hoping they would continue. They did. And actually, not too many thoughts later, they hit on what I was probing for.

"Relationship," said Ian. (At that point I knew that he has been listening to me before this morning.) :-) "That's right! In each of these stories, the relationship was the most important!"

You and I have read that story, perhaps mainly that verse, many times over. Anger is the same as murder. Don't call your brother a "fool"... or else! Don't bring any offerings before you fix your argument with your brother. But in the bigger picture–the context–I saw that a common theme ran through all of the stories.

But before I get to that, did you notice who bears the relational "responsibility" in the second story? In the first story, Jesus says, "Don't get mad at people." While being so hard to obey it's almost absurd, it's certainly understandable. We all know it's wrong, or at least no the best to treat someone badly in our anger. But who is the relational instigator in the second story? The one who is angry? No! The one with whom someone is angry!

This was a key piece for me. The first one makes sense because we're good at trying to clean up our own act. That makes sense. It at least seems doable, whether it actually is, or not. But the second set of circumstances requires that the one who has not necessarily done any wrong be the one to correct the situation.

So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God.

Doesn't that sound like we're putting people before God? And perhaps petty, selfish people as well? (It doesn't say "admit that you were wrong" or anything like that. It just says go and make peace.) The paramount concern is not the "more spiritual" offering to God, but rather peace between brothers.

I told the boys that this is true for me as well. I love it when I see my kids getting along, having fun together. I love it even more when I see them making peace with each other (especially without my intervention). It brings me great joy to see peace, harmony, and genuine loving friendship between my children. And I'm sure (from this story Jesus told, and others) that the same is true of our Father.

When I noticed this relational priority, I sort of stepped back and looked at all three stories together. Sure enough, the thread through all three was that relationships are paramount. The first story says don't cloud relationships with angry words. Get over yourself. The second story, as I've mentioned, focuses on the "responsibility" of the "innocent" person to initiate and maintain a peaceful relationship.

The third story is perhaps a more practical application of how relational we are, and may have been played out a bit later in the day. (No, I was not taken to court...)

In the third scene, we have Jesus saying that if we were to find ourselves in court, the best course of action is to make friends with our accuser. On the surface, that makes no sense! Especially if we are innocent, but even if we are not. They're our accuser!!! These are not people we want to reach out to. But the practical side of this is, yes, we do. Jesus implies that if you do, you may avoid the consequences, they may not press charges.

A little relationality goes a long way...

Today I received an order from Amazon.com. They have Big Train Chai at the cheapest price around. When I run out, I usually order two packs of three bags of chai. (They only ship them in sets of three.) I get two because that qualifies it for free shipping as well. :-)

When I very excitedly brought in my package from the super cold porch, I noticed that some powdered chai was pouring out the corners of the box! "Oh no!" I thought perhaps a bag had inadvertently been cut open somehow. I was hopeful that most of them were still intact.

I gingerly cut into the tape at the top of the box, opening it very slowly, checking for any evidence of the cut bag. I brushed off the powder from all of the bags (it had gotten all over everything, even though it was only at most a couple tablespoons of chai) and finally found the culprit. One bag had a very small opening, right near the crease in the bottom. No big deal, but I figured I'd call Amazon and see if they could replace that bag for me.

I got on the phone with a lady who did not speak much English, but seemed very willing to help. I explained my situation calmly, and just asked, "Is there any way you could ship me out one replacement bag? Do you need me to package up and return the defective one?" After a few quick questions - and my friendly answers - she said, "Wait a few moments, and I will process a replacement for you."

I sat on hold for just a few moments, as she had requested, and sure enough, when she came back on the phone she gave me an order ID for the replacement chai! I was thrilled to be getting a little bit of bonus chai. (I really do love this stuff!)

Not long after hanging up the phone, I decided to check the order number at Amazon and see when it would be coming and exactly what they were shipping. What to my wondering eyes should appear, but THREE BAGS OF CHAI in my "recently placed orders"! Whoo-hooo!

Now, I don't know that this lady did anything out of the ordinary. It could be standard policy to just ship the full "package" that was defective. (They do ship as individual bags, so certainly they could have shipped just one.) And I do not know for sure her motivations. But I'd like to think this is a living example of what I saw Jesus saying today.

Relationship is paramount. I was not being taken to court, but I was approaching a situation that did not merit an overly generous response. You can say it is good business to make sure the customer is satisfied, but if I had laid into the first person who answered, demanding a replacement (and/or more?) do you think that the customer service rep's first thought would be to (happily) replace my item? Probably not. Probably there would be some resistance. I have tried the other way - justifiable anger - and I am here to say... it just don't work.

We are made for relationality. If we live it, if we practice it, life goes better.

1 Thessalonians 5:13b (NIV)
Live in peace with each other.

There may be things that seem more important. (Including looking out for ourselves, or doing stuff for God.) But it would seem from these three stories Jesus told to his disciples that the thing that should top the list is to live in healthy, unbroken relationship with each other. And, be the initiator of that. Not just the recipient.

Relationality starts with me.

Pondering

There are a few things that I am currently pondering regarding life with God and his church. I thought I'd just jot them down here, in a sort of short hand way. Perhaps you are pondering them as well and might add to my ponderings, but really I am putting them down here to look back later and see what I was pondering in 2008. :-)

• Worship:
  Do we need to publicly and corporately set God apart from all else, with or without musical aid?
  
• Evangelism:
  Should I have more of an urgent desire to help people know they are loved by their Father?
  
• Praying:
  With other people, I mean. How do I make an ongoing conversation with God easily flow into conversation with other believers - and my family.
  
• Communion:
  It's important to some people. Really important. But to me, just meaningless. Does it matter? How?

The things I am beginning to understand more: (and usually write about here)

• Freedom:
  For me, and giving freedom to others.
  
• Grace:
  For me, and treating other people with grace.
  
• God's love:
  Again, for me, and learning to give that to others.
  
• Reality of God's presence:
  Learning to live with Jesus every day.
  
• Who Jesus is:
  The Word of God, my brother, God in flesh, "watching" him interact with people in the stories of the gospels

When I look at those lists, the first one mostly just seems silly, but to many people - including me for much of my life perhaps? - they are not silly but almost essential. Funny how perspective changes. Who knows the lists might change again after a while. They might be completely different. We'll see.

Freedom

A couple times this weekend, the concept of freedom came up in conversation. It was in relation to the church, and life together as followers of Jesus. And really, it starts with life as an individual follower of Jesus.

When speaking with some friends who are equally saddened by the focus of the American church on numbers and programs and an institutional view of discipleship - and yet, who strangely feel the need to still be part of that social structure - we talked about freedom. One friend brought up the scripture where Jesus says he came to "set us free". He said that it really helped him break out of the "need" - the obligation - to be at a worship service on Sunday mornings. He realized that he was not free. And God helped him realize that through that Scripture.

I think that's true for a lot of people. And much beyond their attendance at weekly (or more frequent) worship gatherings. It does not mean that you are not free if you "go to church" on Sundays. It could, but it doesn't inherently mean that. Where we lack freedom is in really understanding that God does not want us to live life out of obligations to him, but in relationship to him.

I was reading a little book to my boys that paraphrases scripture verses, and one we read last week was taken from the verse in Micah that says, "...and this is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God." The last part caught my attention this time. What God "requires" is that we walk (humbly) with him. He wants us to just follow him. To be with him. Every day.

God doesn't want us to always do what's right just because it's right. He wants us to learn to be like him. To live in the freedom of not having to perform for him, to earn his love, or his favor - or to avoid the fires of Hell. What he wants is for us to love as we have been loved. (Love God, and love your neighbor.)

All of the above "requirements" were also written/said during a time when Jesus had not completed the restoration of our relationship with Father God! That's so great! While people were toiling under this idea that sacrifices and following rules would somehow "gain favor" with God, God was telling them, no... just be fair, just, merciful, and follow humbly in his steps. Pretty cool.

Yet today, even though Jesus has once and for all abolished the code of law that restricted and even enslaved us, we still live as slaves to sin and the law. We do not experience the freedom of his grace, and his full and complete love. We don't live as children but as slaves (as that linked passage above refers to). That permeates every bit of how we relate to our Father, and I'm learning more and more that it's not how he wants it to be.

He wants us to walk with him. He calls us friends. He has adopted us as his children, full heirs of everything he has. And he is not a Father who demands strict obedience at the end of a punishing hand, but the Father of the prodigal son who allows us to choose to follow him, to humbly receive his love and live in his freedom.

I'm not sure how we can really break out of the cycle of feeling the need to please him, or even the obligation to "get it right", but oh how I long for that in me, and in you. Shame is a powerful thing over us, and causes us to submit to God out of obligation and out of a perceived relational "debt". But there is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus. The Bible tells me so.

It also tells me this:

If the son has set you free, you are free indeed.

This Day in (GregHead.net) History

An idea popped into my head today. (Yes, that would be GregsHead...) I thought, I wonder what things I have blogged about on this day in my four-plus years of blogging? So, I set out to discover what was in the archives for January 25th.

To my suprise, excluding entries from this January 25th (today) there was only one other entry. And it was about my Jen. :-)

I did also discover that there were a few cool things from January 24th here at GregsHead.net. At the top of the list would have to be 1/24/04... that's the birthday of the new blog with the oft-mentioned URL --- GregsHead.net! January 24th is not the beginning of my blogging, but the birthday of GregsHead.net. Neat.

Besides that I found a couple interesting posts worth re-reading from that same year. Well, at least one is. One is just interesting in light of the Super Bowl match up coming up in a week and a couple days. (I wasn't happy about it then, either...)

The one I'd love for you to re-read though is the one titled, "I Call You Friends." Very neat reminder of our relationship with God.

So, take a trip with me... back in time...

I Call You Friends
A Winning Attitude?

More Thoughts on The Church

In response to my post "Don't Go To Church?" I received one comment from a good friend via e-mail. He is a great guy, with a great Jesus-like heart for people, and a humble heart like not many I have seen. I am glad to call him my friend. We have very different backgrounds in our respective relationships with God, but the common bond is greater than the differences. I guess I think that's the greatness of the church. The church is not defined by a set of agreed upon customs and traditions. It's a group of people from "every tongue and tribe and nation" who are commonly united by the Creator who became one of us so we could become children - and friends - of God. (John 1, Romans 5.)

I responded to his email and thought it might be interesting reading for you as well... it's rather lengthy, but as a friend of ours says, I thought you might like to read over my shoulder...

(My friend's email is in the quoted sections. I did replace some specific details with more general stuff.)

I’m not surprised at all about your reasons for not going to church. I understand them based on what I’ve read, but I’ll offer some other things to think about since you asked for comments.

You used the word “show” a few times in your answer. It’s an interesting choice of words because in 30 years of going to Mass I have never once thought of it as a show. I asked my wife and she said the same. It could just be our perspective so I’ll have to check with other family and friends.

Yet, I know I’ve always had the “show” feeling in regard to any service I’ve witnessed at [the various churches/etc you've attended]. Obviously these are very different experiences than my norm and I’m not saying it wasn’t great and that I didn’t come away with something. (I have some of [those] sermons engrained in my memory). So I asked myself what the difference was.

Before you give your answer, let me say this... the "show" is actually even more of a show in some ways in more traditional services (Catholic, Episcopal, Orthodox, etc) because of all the formality and ceremony. BUT, the biggest difference (and perhaps the reason you have never considered it a "show") is the audience. Having worked behind the scenes on many Christian "shows", I know that at your typical "evangelical" (don't let [them] know I called them "evangelical"....) ;-) church "show", the aim is to include - as much as possible - the people who do not know Jesus. So, in effect - intentionally, yet unintentionally - the audience becomes the "seekers", rather than God, as the "entertainers" presume that it is. Did that make sense? Everyone I know who leads a "show" says that the audience is God, and they mean it, but from knowing the preparation, and what is actually going on, I would say that the audience is indeed the people in the seats, specifically those who are not "believers" (which means varying things to varying churches, but generally there is a consensus among the "show" leaders).

Please continue...

What was missing for me was the holiness, the “sanctity”, of the event…let’s call it. It didn’t feel any different than any other discussion or hanging out I did with the members of [that church]. Yes, I felt close to God when singing or praying to Him during the service, but again, I felt the same when singing or praying to Him on my own at home or with friends. It sounds like this might have been your experience as well. That would certainly make it easier to walk away from the church.

Quick clarification... I(we) did not "walk away from the church". We are still very much part of the church, and have regular "fellowship" with the church. We share life and we teach and are taught by the church. The problem is... the definitions of church can be different. To us the church is not an organization that stands on its own, it is the people who belong to Jesus. It's the corporate one-ness - the family - of everyone who follow Jesus. It has local manifestations in groups of two, three, fifteen or fifty - or even 5000 (though that becomes less "local") ... but it does not exist without the people who are the church. In a sense, the organizations/institutions that we call "churches" (with their staff and buildings and services) could exist without any people "attending". (Obviously not for long, as they are funded by the attendees, but... they could.) The church I am talking about does not have such defining boundaries. (Which is why, I think, Jesus said, "I will build my church and the gates of hell (hades) will not prevail against it." Hard to defeat something so amorphous.)

Our celebration of Mass is so much more than entertainment-worship. It is a sacrifice, a communion with our Father, atonement for sins, and rededication of our beliefs. Think of that last one for a second. Would church be any more meaningful to you and your family if you, in unison, with the rest of the body of Christ (the church) professed those beliefs every time you went to church? Yes, I’m talking about rote memorization of prayers and professions of faith. They strengthen and edify the group as a whole. Everyone benefits. And it hasn’t hindered my ability to pray out loud “freestyle” or communicate with God one on one. It’s just another tool in my “toolbox” regarding my relationship with God.

I really don't believe that personally this is something that I connect with, but actually I loved the insight into it that you provided. It does sound more meaningful as you describe it here. For some reason, I am not wired that way. Not just in my relationship with God... I don't like any sort of ceremony or ritual. We wrote our own wedding vows... and I almost didn't even want to have a wedding (and we did have a rather "strange" one...) For some reason to me that all feels fake. For me. Not for anyone else.

The group dynamic is an interesting one. I guess I have found that for me, a more strengthening group dynamic involves interaction with that group. I do beleive that Mass is more interactive in some ways than a "seeker" oriented service, but still, the "group" dynamic is not... interactive. Just everyone is doing/saying the same thing. (There is that "peace be with you, and also with you" thing...) :-)

I agree there is something to be said for finding God anywhere. I’m so thankful that I feel Him walking/communicating with me outside of church as well.

"...Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:7

Still, there is value in going someplace specifically set aside for worshiping God. Here’s an example…

When Jesus saw moneychangers in the temple. He didn't say "hey guys, its only a building, we can worship anywhere, lets go down the street to the community center." No, He chased them out. Scripture says, “His disciples remembered that it was written, 'Zeal for your house has consumed me.'" He had a passion for the Temple. He called it "my Father's House".

There's a whole lot I could bring to that argument, but I think it's safe to say that Jesus was not defending the place... but the people (that seemed to be his track record.) And, if indeed it was the place, when he died on the cross and the temple curtain that hid God from the people was torn in two - from the top to the bottom - that pretty symbolically ended the "place" to worship God. Jesus had said earlier in John 4 that "a day is coming when people with neither worship here nor jerusalem" and continued to talk about worshipping in spirit and truth. (Not quite sure what that cryptic language means, but context seems to point to the fact that Jesus was doing away with religion, and the separation between God and man.)

I know of course that Church is more than just a building, but wow, there are just so many distractions to our time, space, and energy these days, it’s refreshing to have a peaceful place to sit quietly among other Christians and reflect, pray, worship, and the like. If left to your own devices, is it possible to hack out enough quality time for yourselves and more importantly your children in regard to eaching/communicating/worshiping?…I know how our house is with two, never mind having four children. Yes, I understand the value of teaching and talking about Christ “on the fly” so to speak. Is that enough for them? What about some structured time? Do you put together a lesson for them every week like they would get if they were in Bible school? I’m a big proponent of balance in most aspects of life, and to me, only doing it one way doesn’t fit my “balance” quota.

While I do agree that there are many distractions, I think in life we have tried to eliminate those. We are not always running to the next thing. Sure there are days, but we have really tried to make our family, and friends, the priority in our life. So no, it doesn't feel too hectic.

And no, I don't prepare a lesson plan - maybe Jen does on occasion, for what we call "table time" as home schoolers - but do you really think a weekly lesson is helpful enough? (Not calling you out as much as that sounded...) What we are trying to live is a real life of following Jesus. That means almost everything we talk about includes God in the picture. That means when we see something that reminds us of a story we have read/heard ... we tell our kids the story. "Hey kids, that's like when God said...." I do read the Bible in the mornings with my boys generally, but that is such a small part of the bigger picture of the everyday, real relationship with God picture that they are getting from the rest of life.

So no, I do not believe that they are missing out in anyway. In fact, I'd say it's more balanced, as it is infused throughout their entire day/week/life, rather than compartmentalized to a weekly time and place.

How do you reconcile the tithing/giving without belonging to a church? I know, the opportunities to help others DO present themselves to you outside the church, but what about those brothers and sisters at the church that need your help? What about your responsibility to take care of “my Father’s House.”

Again... I am of the opinion that God does not reside in a "house built by men" any more (not sure if he ever really did, but he did pretend to for a while...) :-) But as for the brothers and sisters that need help, I go back to what I said earlier. We in no way left or pulled out of the "church". We do not attend weekend services, but we maintain relationships with people around us - and far away from us - who are members (with us) of the church. And actually, many of them attend various different (institutional) churches. Of all different stripes.

So, from all of those relationships, when there is a need and we can help, we do. :-) And, you are correct, the opportunities always do present themselves :-) (I like to think that is Jesus "building" his church...) :-)

Finally, ask yourself if the idea of going to church as a show has an impact on why you left. What is it about the show that wasn’t working for you? I find it very interesting that [three of my friends] have left the church to “go it alone”. I’m not at all surprised based on some of the things I’ve read of your disillusionment and the church in the past, but it’s interesting that 3 members of [the same church] that I grew up with came to the same places in their lives. There has to be some coincidence in that. Please note, it doesn’t make me think any less of you as humans or Christians or friends. It’s just interesting.

It is interesting... but it's not just one "church". It's everywhere. I do believe that we have met many people in many denominations, in many types of churches, who are wondering the same things. Who are discovering the same things. A relationship with the real and living God can not be contained in a worship service, or a building, or to certain times and places. And real community with the church (the people, not the institution) happens through sharing life and interacting more than it does attending a service where you sit in rows facing forward. (Isn't the best time "at church" always before, in between, or after services?)

It does make me want to invite you all to Catholic church however!

That was my favorite line of the whole e-mail. :-)

Honestly, we are not missing anything. In fact, relationship with God - and even with other believers - is better than ever. There are some awkward moments as the majority of believers still attend weekend worship services, and we do not - and different can be awkward... but on the whole, we are experiencing a more full, everyday reality of life lived with God than we ever have. I believe the same is true for our friends you mentioned, but you should ask them as of course, I can not speak for them.

[insert typical e-mail sign offs here...] :-)

Programmed Community

I came across a blog post that addressed some issues that have recently been in the forefront again for me. One paragraph that stood out to me said:

In the mega-church mindset, programs give opportunity for relationship to happen, but don’t assure that it can be found there. The relationships lives inside of programs. Once the program is over, the relationship is over. Once we no longer were involved in those programs there was no longer any reason to maintain the relationship.

We have also found this to be true personally, as well as anecdotally. I think this is one of the biggest shortcomings of the social organizations we call "churches". They create a false idea of relationship. Relationship is not just being in the same room as other people, or even just having shared experiences. Those are sort of by-products of a relationship. But a real friendship goes farther than that, doesn't it? Unfortunately, it doesn't usually. :-(

Click the link above to read the rest of the post. Good stuff. Feel free to comment there, or add your thoughts back here. The link will open in a different window. I want to say I wonder if you have experienced the same thing, but I guess I don't have to wonder. I am certain that you have.

And that's OK, but is it the best? Isn't there a better way than programmed community? To me it seems that there is.

Don't Go To Church?

I know I said I was trying to get away from ending titles with question marks, but perhaps it says something about where I am in life at the moment. Maybe as I begin the trek toward middle age (or, am I already there?) I am beginning to realize I have more questions than answers. Perhaps in truth, there really are fewer answers than we sometimes think there are.

This past week a couple things made me consider again why it is that we (the Campbells) "don't go to church." I have to put it in quotes because I just think that our phrasing leads us into bad thinking on the nature of the Church and corporate gatherings under the banner of "the church." In scripture, the church is the people who belong to Jesus. It's not a time, place, service, building, etc. It's a people. So, by default, you can't "go" to "church". But, for the sake of this post, I will use the phrase "go to church" to mean attend a Sunday morning "worship" service.

A friend asked "what's the deal with that?" regarding our not going to church, and as I was contemplating a response, I considered once again why don't we go to church? There's no harm in it - even if I think it's not right and pointless... it wouldn't kill us, would it? Couldn't we get something good out of it? You'd think. But as I remembered recent times of attending such gatherings, I felt myself squirm a bit even as I simply recalled the events, thoughts, and emotions of the day.

Then I asked myself, "Why? Why does it bother me so much?" The only response I could come up with was that I have grown beyond that. That seems so arrogant, even as I type it, but it also seems to completely fit my understanding of the relationship that I have with my Father.

Allow me to explain.

Both Jen and I have come to a place where we really don't like compartmentalizing life. We want to be who we are all the time. That applies to how we "educate" our children... there is not a specific time of "education", but rather an environment of learning as you live everyday life. We teach as we go. And we go as we teach. The kids learn as they do, and ask to learn more.

It seems to be much the same with our relationship with God. Previously, our "spiritual life" could be a bit more easily identified as any times we were doing "God things", like going to church, or other "church-related" activities, or reading our Bible, praying, singing, etc. Over the past couple years, we have tried to understand our relationship with Jesus as a very much more everyday thing. Everything we do involves him. There is no place we go to meet with him, since he is always with us. There is no time (necessarily) that is his, as he is always with us. All of life is accompanied by a friend whose level of intimacy with us can not be matched by any other person.

It just feels very odd then when we go to a place to "meet with" God... to "worship" him... and even at that place, there are times within the bigger time that we more "intentionally" meet with him. Add to that the bowing, and the standing, and even the slightly different language and tone of voice at times... all makes for a very strange experience.

I have learned to live every moment with God - the good and the bad - and have learned that his love penetrates all of that, and goes with me and before me. And it's not just me... he loves everyone he has ever made just as much. I believe that his love for us actually draws us together. He wants us all to do life together, and so, just like he "brought [Eve] to the man" in Genesis chapter two... he brings his people together still. We don't have to force it to happen.

The formality of our worship services - especially the way we address God, with whom I feel I have a very close, everyday relationship - just makes me feel very strange. It could certainly just be me. And I really don't mean to imply what it seems I implied above, that all who attend such things do not have quite as good a relationship with their Father as I do. Not at all. I am just saying that for me, that is one of the big reasons it's hard to attend those weekly (or more) gatherings.

And, I think I am pretty consistent in that area in that I really don't like formality of any kind. I much prefer to just be who I am, and that you be who you are. Ceremonies of almost any kind are definitely not my cup of tea. :-)

I'm not sure that I am right about this, and would love any feedback. Please don't be offended by what I have posted here. Your thoughts are welcome.

For now, though... that is (at least partly) why we "don't go to church."

Hear The Angels Sing

We have heard a LOT of Christmas music lately. I'm sure you are feeling the same way. I do still love it, but it's definitely getting close to time to shelve it for another eleven months or so.

It's not all bad, though. One song off of Steven Curtis Chapman's second Christmas album, All I Want For Christmas, caught my attention this week.

It wasn't so much a lyric, as the way it was sung.

I believe the song was It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. It was sung with a nice gentle feel to it. And, at one point, Steven sings just lightly, "Hear the angels sing Hallelujah, Christ the Savior is born." Those are words you usually associate with giant booming voices and big, majestic fanfare. But in this song, the words were sung almost at a whisper, almost as a lullaby for the newborn baby.

It got me thinking. Maybe that's how it was? We think it should be fanfare and trumpets and "kingly". But if you'll recall, the King of the universe stepped into our lives as a baby, born to ordinary folk, in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. He was born in a stable. He was... born, period. He didn't have to go through that, either.

But he did.

The simplicity of the first Christmas is a clue that God does not do things the way we think he should. And we're (way) better off for it.

Enjoy your gifts today, giving and receiving. Enjoy time with family and friends. Enjoy the great food. Enjoy the Christmas cookies! But most of all, enjoy knowing that you are so completely loved by the One who has everything. He didn't just become a man so he could die the death of a criminal... he wanted to live like us, so he could know us even better. All the way from birth. As a commoner.

That's what you mean to him. That first Christmas day, and this one.

Merry Christmas. :-)

Coverings

I came across a blog post today that was pretty interesting, and I thought I'd pass it along. Jen and I talked about it a bit tonight on our way home from the evening's activities... it's just interesting how we put stuff between us and God. It could be a person (pastor, accountability partner), or a group of people (elders, leaders), or ... well, lots of stuff.

As the blog post says, the cross removed shame, and removed the need for a "covering". You may not be familiar with that terminology, but basically it's the idea that you need help living your life out with God. You need to be "accountable" to other believers. While there may be truth there, it's the wrong approach. It puts something between you and God. This blog post/email has an interesting take on that.

Love

The other night we got to spend the evening with our good friends. We don't usually get to hang out with all of them together, so we decided to make a late night of it - and were welcomed to do so - and had a fantastic time. The kids played great together, and that allowed us adults to grab some drinks, and a little dessert and just talk about life together at the dining room table.

Earlier in the night, since my birthday was coming up, there was also a bit of a surprise birthday party! Another family was invited to join us (our friends' neighbor) and then after dinner together, I was told to go in the other room and stay there. I knew something was up... :-) After a few minutes, a plate of chocolate chocolate chip cookies was brought in ... with candles in it! :-) I found out later that was the plan all the time, disguised as a regular evening together as friends. It was fun. Really nice surprise. Even got presents! :-)

Well, as the adults hung out after all of the other festivities, we got to talking about the people that God has put around us. We'd been sharing stories of what was in front of us at the moment, and a couple stories reminded me of something God seems to keep weaving through many different areas of my life.

We all have heard the verse of Scripture, "Now these three remain: Faith, Hope & Love. But the greatest of these is love." It's used many times at weddings, and of course, it's true. But, at least for me, the fullness (and yet, simplicity) of that has escaped me.

Our friend was telling us how one of the people he works with told him that she feels comfortable talking with him. Different than other people. What God has been teaching me lately is just how life-changing love can be, and it sounded like this was an example of it. I don't know for sure in this example, but I am pretty sure that this is the core of the gospel - the "Good News".

"For God so loved the world..." is another famous quote, that just gets glossed over many times. But really, I think it's the core of the gospel. It's not the theological discussions, the Mosaic law, transubstantiation, or propitiation. It's not the way that Jesus was the perfect sacrifice as well as our High Priest. There are certainly things that can be learned from all of these things, but really, life change only happens when we realize we are loved.

After all, God is love. It's the core of who he is. And when we really get who we are to him, how he feels about us... we begin to be able to love as we have been loved. There is freedom that comes from knowing how much we are loved by our Father, and in that freedom - as opposed to obligation - we can truly love other people (out of the overflow of how we are loved by God) without agenda or any other "strings attached".

We try so hard as Christians to plan and create opportunities to share the "good news" with people, but really, the intellectual arguments while they may be true, will not change lives. At least, not as much as real love will. It's so simple, but so infrequently employed - mostly because most of us have still not really experienced the reality of God's love. We may know it intellectually... academically. But until we really know it, the best we can do is to share our academic understanding of God and his love with people. Which usually just doesn't cut it.

My point? I don't really have one. Just sharing what God has been showing me. It's not something you can just "fix" or "put into action". You can't just "feel more loved". But when we do, freedom abounds. And in that freedom, we can love other people - which can begin to produce a changed life in them.

Pretty cool stuff.

It really is all about love.

(Just a fun link to a great album.) :-)

Willow Creek Repents?

I saw a quick post by a friend today linking to an article about Willow Creek perhaps "repenting" of it's church/business model?

I don’t think it's that groundbreaking, as it seems WCCC is just going in a different "business" direction, but it's still pretty interesting to see them find that the super elaborate programs aren't all that helpful in people walking daily with Jesus. (Admittedly, I scanned the article quickly … will read again later, but I think that was a major part of it.)

"The Show" as I like to call it (not necessarily derisively) has been the main focus of the American church for so long… would be interesting to see such a key player in that take a different direction. (Again, I think they’ll just figure out another way to make a business model of life with Jesus, but… that's just me)

Here are a couple of articles I have posted here in the past that may be relevant:
The Important
Quantifiable

Jesus Is Staying at MY House!

The boys and I are reading through the book of John now, and this morning we read the story of when Andrew met Jesus, and introduced his brother (Simon Peter) to the Messiah! He was very eager to let his brother know that he had found the Messiah. Not sure if he could have understood how Jesus thought of such a term, but he was certainly excited about it!

The part I thought was a bit different today was the strange question asked of Jesus. The new followers asked Jesus, "Teacher, where do you live?" So, he showed them. They came over to his house.

Ian thought that was as odd as I did, and reasoned that perhaps Jesus was staying with some friends. (Jesus said somewhere else that he had no "place to rest his head", and we know that he's on the road at this point, too.

The interesting thing was not that he was staying with friends, the interesting thing to me is how there's no star power to Jesus. We have no account of him staying with the most important people of the day. We don't know much about it. But to me, that's what stands out.

When we talked about that, I thought in my head, "How cool would it be if Jesus stayed in our house??" But then I realized I was succumbing to "star power".

Jesus is not concerned with popularity. He never sought the limelight, nor did he have "too little time" for people not on his agenda for the day. That's so backwards from what we do today. Often elevating people to levels they should not have to maintain on their own.

It seems like having Jesus stay with you was an instant free ticket to heaven. Seems like someone housing him would have mentioned Jesus' temporary place of residence. But, they don't. And Jesus continues to be a transient.

It's amazing how differently we all can see Jesus, and who he was, what he was doing here. That's something I hope to get from reading through John again. I want to see Jesus for who he is, and learn more about him that I don't already know. I want to see stuff that I have never seen before.

And I am confident that I will. I'll try and share some of those nuggets with you here.

Take Back Your Shopping Cart!

The other night we had finished shopping at Wal*Mart and after unloading all of our groceries into the van, I looked for the place to return my cart. It was pretty far away, but I wanted to make sure I put it back in the right place. There was another one right next to our van, so I put my cart in that one and pushed both to the cart return corral.

As I was doing all that, I was just perplexed as to why it's almost my first inclination to think about other people, and how my actions (or inactions?) will affect them, and how it seems that I am in the minority. There were carts all over the parking lot, in parking spaces, up on curbs, and just generally in chaos. Yes, I know they pay people to put them back, but isn't it fairly easy to return it to the collecting place? That way it's out of the way of where people drive and walk. Seemed so simple to me...

And don't forget that we had just spent almost two hours at Wal*Mart with our four tiny kids, late in the evening (was nearly 10pm when we were done) and had to still do bedtime (and put all those groceries away) when we got home! We had plenty of "excuses" to not put the cart(s) back.

I was reminded of a parenting class we have taken and led many times over the years. One of the core things they teach is a "rational preoccupation with others around you". The goal being to teach your kids to think about others, not just themselves. But in order to do that, it starts with you. And, a simple example they give is the shopping cart one. By simply taking less than a minute of your life to return your cart, you are thinking about the people who come behind or after you. You aren't doing it just because it is "right", but because you are thinking about the "preciousness of others" (a common phrase from the course) and loving other people like you do yourself. (Or, treating other people the way you want to be treated.)

(Yes, I thought all of this in the 30 seconds that it took me to take the cart back and return to the van.) :-)

I think what struck me the most is just how easy the task is, and how natural it is for me... and how uncommon it seemed to be that night. Why is it so difficult for us to think about each other? I see it in my kids. I feel like it's all I say, and yet, they are still quite selfish. I am constantly reminding them to think about how they would want to be treated. For the moment, they get it, but a moment later, they are back to looking out for their own interests rather than those of their closest sibling.

Why is this so hard for us to get?

I don't have the answer, but I do know for a fact that the world would be a better place if we would somehow get it, and start thinking about the people around us—treating them like we want to be treated.

And take our carts back. :-)

(NOTE: If you read the previous post, you might think, isn't this a bit of double-talk? Wasn't one of the examples of misunderstood Christian-ness taking back a shopping cart?? Yes. But I think if you read both, you'll see the constant in the equation: love for other people.)

Be a Christian!!

My brother-in-law is in town, and so the days are filled with funny little sayings. He's the master of calling people (mostly) benign little names. Slightly poking fun at all those around him. It's hilarious!

My favorite from this trip has been calling out the religious affiliation of those around him. :-) He will proclaim someone a Christian (or not) based on whatever they choose to do—or not do—in a given situation. For instance, my sister chose to not eat the squid that their neighbors brought over as a gift, and as he retold the story to our kids he said something like, "Aunt Tara wouldn't eat it, but I was a Christian and ate the squid."

As far as I know, eating squid does not come into play when determining one's religious affiliation. But it does get a good laugh!

Now, the weird part is, we know what he's talking about. We know that to be a Christian means sacrificing yourself for other people. It means doing the right thing, even if you don't want to. Being a Christian means that you consider others better than yourselves. Being a Christian means you act like Jesus. Right?

Well, here's where I read too much into my brother-in-law's jovial remarks. ;-)

I know he does not intend any deep meaning to be conveyed by the remarks, and I am certain (as we had a conversation regarding this) that he does not think that doing the right stuff—and not the wrong stuff—makes you a Christian. But the fact that he said, and that we knew it... reveals a deep underlying misunderstanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus.

Most people do think that Christianity is a set of moral principles to live by. Jesus said a bunch of stuff that we should do or not do, and he even gave us an example of what to do by the life he lived here, recorded in the Gospels. But if we stopped there, at just the things Jesus did, or the things he "commanded" us to do... then we miss the whole point.

I love the way a friend interprets the story of the man who came to Jesus, asking "what must I do to be saved?" The man is described as rich and powerful. Jesus first tells him, keep the law. (Which we know from other parts of Scripture is not what we "must do to be saved".) The man says arrogantly, "I have! I've done all that!" He obviously has been trying hard to do all the right stuff, but was still not convinced he was "good enough", which is a major failing of religion: you can never be "good enough".

So Jesus says, "OK, well, then sell everything you have and give the money to the poor and come follow me. That'll do it!" But as you'll recall, there is not one other place in Scripture where Jesus (or anyone else) says we must sell everything we own and give the proceeds to the poor to be saved. I've always thought that what Jesus saw in this man was his love for material wealth, and was calling him to sacrifice that for the Kingdom. That's the "Christian" thing to do, right? Well, how many of you "Christians" reading this have done that? Everything? Yeah. Right.

What my friend sees in the story is not Jesus adding more rules for us all (or even just this man) to follow in order to "be a Christian", he sees a man who thinks he can earn his way to heaven, and so Jesus sets the bar even higher, with the hope that he will someday see the futility of his efforts and let God be the one to make him whole. "OK, you (think you) have done all that... well, now you have to do this." It is the futility of religion. It will never be enough.

But some people define Christianity—including their own—as how you act. Do you choose to sacrifice your own desires or wants for those of the other people around you? Do you stop and help a stranded motorist on the highway? Do you give some change (or a meal) to a beggar on the streets? Do you make a donation at your local grocery store at the checkout line? Do you help your friends move when they have no one to help them? Do you make a concerted effort to visit people who are alone? Do you not throw away food, because of the starving kids in India?? Do you take your shopping cart back??? :-)

The list could go on and on, and unfortunately for many Christians, it never ends. They are not as much compelled by love—as Paul said, "Christ's love compels us"—but by a drive to do the right thing. To maintain their status as a "Christian" by doing what is expected of them as a Christian. That's so sad.

See, it is true that all of those things are good things. Those are all things that Jesus might do. And, if you think of being a Christian as being "Christ like", well, then that seems like a good thing. But I think the heart of the matter is the heart. If a person is doing all of those things, but only to retain the sense of spiritual status as a "Christian" (or even just feeling that they "have to" because it's the "right thing to do") I think they are missing out on the core of what the Kingdom of God is all about.

When Jesus was asked, point blank, what is the most important commandment, he replied, "Love God, and love people. Everything in the law and prophets is summed up by that." (My paraphrase.) Jesus didn't say, "You know that 'No other Gods before me' one... yeah, that's the most important." And he didn't say, "They're ALL important, mister! Why do you think I said them????" He said, "Everything you've heard me say to do or not do can be accomplished by simply loving God, and loving the people around you as much as you love yourself. Drop the selfish ambition, and really care about other people the same way you would watch out for yourself. Then you'll be keeping the law". (Again, my paraphrase.)

If we do the right thing, but do not have love... we're missing the whole point. (Today is paraphrase day!)

Christianity is about rules. Being a follower of Jesus—a child of God, a member of his Kingdom—is not. It's about loving God, and loving people. When you do that, you are by default keeping the "rules", but with a focus on people, on the relational aspect. When you keep the rules to keep the rules (because it's the "right thing to do") it's almost more about you than about the people who benefit from you keeping the rule. You are doing it to maintain your "righteousness" rather than for the benefit of the person you are "doing the right thing" for. You know?

The heart of the matter is the heart. You can't always tell a Christian by what they do. That can be faked. But the Bible says you can tell us by how we love each other. And that can't be faked. At least, not for very long.

So, while my bro-in-law, Josh, will continue to proclaim people's religious convictions based on how they handle various situations, rest assured... it's just all in good fun. :-)

In The Light

A couple things recently have reminded me of the letter in the Bible called first John. I was reminded of a verse I have written about here before. John tells us in that letter that we are taught by the Holy Spirit directly. We don't need others to teach us. (NOTE: I wouldn't say that he means they can't, as I think he was mainly countering some people who were apparently saying something that made him write that. They must have been claiming that the people John was writing to needed to be taught about God through their teaching, and that they couldn't know him on their own. Hmmm... sounds familiar...) Essentially though, he still does say that God is directly involved in teaching us. (Which some today would deny.)

The other thing that reminded me of the book of First John was thinking about "living in the light", and what I used to call "holiness". Holiness to me used to be defined mostly as doing (mostly) the right things. Of course I don't always, and so I am not holy - only God is, eh? - but at times I could feel pretty good about myself because I was mostly "getting it right". I was sorta-kinda "holy". Living in the light.

But not too long ago I picked up the Bible we keep in the bathroom, and started reading First John, since it was on my mind. What I read was actually shocking to me. (So much so that I plan to read it again, and do a commentary here much like I began - and still hope to finish... :-) - on the book of Galatians.) I have always thought of 1st John as a rule-keepers book. "If you do [insert good deed here], then you are a child of God. If you do [insert bad deed here], then you are of the world, [and thus worthy only of hell]. But this time was different.

This time, I saw it not as a causal thing, but more as a statement of reality. And not just the black and white, right and wrong reality... something a bit different than I have ever seen. It seems that John is talking about those who understand the Kingdom and the things of God as those who are "in the Light" (he says early on that "God is Light", and so, "in the Light" could be easily interpreted as "in God"). I have always assumed that phrase to mean, "in the right." I mean mostly outwardly. Doing all the right things. But I think it might be something more. Something different.

When I read it this time, the contrast between light and darkness seemed more one of being able to see. In the dark, you can't see. You don't know what's going on. You bump into stuff, and get hurt. If you turn on a light, you can see. Everything becomes much clearer in the light. You are more free to move around and stuff. In the dark, you mostly stumble around and feel your way around very slowly.

Could this be the picture John is trying to paint for us? Does being in the light just mean being in God, and seeing the world the way he does?

Maybe.

Anyway, the freedom I saw in reading through the whole book was incredible. It's not about getting it right in order to be loved be God... we just are. If we live in the light - in him - we'll see that, and know that more. We'll just see, and be more free to move. I love that imagery.

Once I get through this barrage of new business, I really do want to do a line for line commentary on the book. So, stay tuned, and if you read along, I'd love your comments as well.

Didn't He Just Say ... ?

Jesus asked his disciples, "When I sent you out without a moneybag or a traveling bag or sandals, did you need anything?"

"No!" they answered.

Jesus told them, "But now, if you have a moneybag, take it with you. Also take a traveling bag, and if you don't have a sword, sell some of your clothes and buy one. Do this because the Scriptures say, 'He was considered a criminal.' This was written about me, and it will soon come true." The disciples said, "Lord, here are two swords!"

"Enough of that!" Jesus replied.

Luke 22:35-38

Didn't he just say they should get a sword, even if they have to sell stuff to get one? And then, when they say, "Look! We have two!" he basically tells them they're totally off track?

This one definitely perplexed me and the boys today. :-)

Bread & Wine

Today we were reading Luke 22 where Jesus is having the Passover meal with his closest friends, just before he will be killed. He knows it, and he's told them... but I'm pretty sure they still don't get it.

It's cool enough how they got into this room (Jesus sent two guys ahead, told them exactly what they would find without having been there, and they did) but there are also a couple cool lines that stood out to me today.

When the time came for Jesus and the apostles to eat, he said to them, "I have very much wanted to eat this Passover meal with you before I suffer."

I thought it was so cool to read the excitement in Jesus' words. Even though he knew what was coming, he was still excited about what the suffering would bring. The end result. Very cool. Ephesians says it was his plan from before he created anything, and that it "gave him great pleasure". Very cool.

As the evening went along, we read the following accounts of the events that took place:

Jesus took a cup of wine in his hands and gave thanks to God. Then he told the apostles, "Take this wine and share it with each other. I tell you that I will not drink any more wine until God's kingdom comes."

Jesus took some bread in his hands and gave thanks for it. He broke the bread and handed it to his apostles. Then he said, "This is my body, which is given for you. Eat this as a way of remembering me!

After the meal he took another cup of wine in his hands. Then he said, "This is my blood. It is poured out for you, and with it God makes his new agreement.

First of all, don't you think they thought it was weird that he said "remembering me"? We know now what happened next, but they didn't. It is obvious from everything they do. So he's already talking about being gone, and they're probably very confused.

Did you also notice there were two cups of wine? Jesus took one cup and told them to share it. Then he shared the bread with them. Then he took another cup of wine after they had finished eating and said this is my blood. The new agreement God makes with you. Again, they were probably a bit weirded out, but I just thought it was interesting that it wasn't that much like what we observe today, supposedly "instituted" by Jesus himself on that very night.

I don't pretend to have a clue what "the Lord's Supper" really is, or any significance of it at all. I really have no idea what Jesus intended for it, if anything. He didn't seem to be a big ritual guy. And really, when I read this... he wasn't here either. They were observing the Passover feast - something Isreal had done for a VERY long time - and those were parts of that. He didn't say, "And make sure you do this exact same thing from now until forever!" I actually don't hear him saying to ever repeat it again. Just... for that moment. Interesting.

NOTE: I don't really want a big theological debate. Just some observations from reading the Bible today. Your comments are welcome, but please know that I won't be engaged in any endless hermeneutical discussions of Scripture and the historical and cultural significance. I'll certainly read/entertain shorter versions... but doctrinal discussions are definitely not my cup of tea... :-)

Jesus Said

... we should be like children.
I think about that phrase quite often, since there are many children around me at any given moment. What part of being a child does Jesus want for us? Does he want us to be disrespectful, selfish, whiny, impatient, messy, crazies with little to no self-control? Uh... I guess... maybe? Probably not. But the innocent, trusting, fun-loving, joyful qualities of a child are easy to understand as qualities of the Kingdom. These are things that, though they might seem a bit unorthodox for the Kingdom ruled by the Creator himself, would seem appropriate.

The other day, my three-year-old daughter was shouting from the top of the stairs, "I neeeed hellllllp... Will somebody pleeeeeeease helllllllp meeee????" She had obediently gone up to the bathroom, done what she needed to do, and now she needed some assistance from an adult - again, obeying her Mom who had previously told her to wait for Mom's assistance after she goes "number two". My first thought was, "Man! That is so annoying!" But quickly, I was reminded of Jesus saying that we needed to be like little children. Could this be one of the ways?

I still maintain that Jesus was NOT talking about whining when he said that.

What I saw was a little girl who needed help, and wasn't afraid to ask for it. Most adults I know are not good at asking for help, maybe they are just plain awful at it. We're taught to be "adults" and take care of stuff on our own. But maybe a way we can be like a child - a way we can see the Kingdom of God - is to realize we need help, and to ask for it. Not necessarily from other people, but definitely from God. Our Father can, and wants to help us. One way we can know the greatness of the Kingdom is to let him help us, allow him to work in us, instead of trying to be an "adult" and get it done ourselves.

A cool lesson from my whiny three-year-old... who may know a bit more about the Kingdom that I have forgotten over my passage into adulthood.

... you will be persecuted because of me ...
Tonight we watched a debate on the existence of God. A friend had sent me the link earlier in the day, and tonight I was intrigued enough to watch it through with Jen. The debate was mostly silly... neither side was really listening to the other. They were to a degree, but neither was going to convince the other of their points, or sway their beliefs in any way. Some of it was sarcastic and mean-spirited... a little annoying actually. :-) I don't think I'm a big fan of debates.

But the thing that I noticed was actually part of the lead-up to the debate. The footage they chose to show to introduce the Christian guys (Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron of The Way of the Master) was of them sharing "the gospel" in the streets, and the hostile reactions of some unbelievers. While that may be common footage, and perhaps an expected response (at least by Christians) ... I was immediately reminded of where Jesus said that his followers would be persecuted because of him.

"Exactly!" misters Comfort and Cameron might say. However, as I recall from Scripture, the people who hated Jesus - who wanted to hurt and/or kill him - were the religious leaders of the day. The leaders of the religious establishment. They were the upstanding, moral, "religious right". We think the people who will persecute Christians, who will hate us because of our message, are the hardened sinners who reject God with passionate fervor. But every example I can think of in the Bible of "sinners" is almost completely the opposite. Those "hardened sinners" flocked to Jesus. It was the self-righteous, cleaned-up, religious folk who persecuted Jesus and his followers.

Just a couple things to think about from what Jesus said.

Relief

The past week saw a bit of relief for us on the income freeze. I think I have mentioned here that the summer was quite a financial drought. Not many (maybe there weren't any?) of my current clients needed any substantial work done on their existing sites, and not much new business came in. We haven't been getting much if any income from my various income streams. (Web design, music, Mac sales... even the Buffalo Bills podcast or various publishing endeavors.) It's not only been frustrating... has been quite a weight to bear, with unpaid Bills mounting.

But the last week or so has changed that a good bit. Four new clients/jobs. (One paid their deposit, another paid today, and the other is about 80% committed to the new project.) I got a payment from Apple, and a payment from a gig earlier this summer. I even got a royalty check from CCLI, who pays artists when churches report having used their material. Not much, but it was a nice gesture. :-)

But it all was kicked off by the insane generosity of some friends of ours. Not only did they drive a long way to treat us to lunch - and a good one at that! - they also offered to help us catch up on some of our bills! What??!? I just didn't even know what to say! It almost seemed unfair to them. Why should they bear our financial burden? But even in my own words I understood that I must accept. "Bear each other's burdens," it says. And Acts talks about a church where "no one was in need" because they all took care of each other.

Quite humbled (often we have been the ones on the giving end of this deal) and just floored at the offer, I accepted, and they wrote us a very generous check. We were able to pay a past due debt that was definitely hanging heavily over my head. What an incredible gift.

Add to that generous gifts and help from family, and some other friends who a few weeks earlier had done a very similar thing!! Holy cow. God is not taking care of us through my talents, abilities, skills, or hard work... he's taking care of us through the relationships he has given us.

That is terribly humbling. In a good "terrible" way. I am so amazingly thankful, and glad to see God is also giving to those who are giving to us. You can tell (and I know from experience) that the giving of this financial help is just as cool (or more) as the receiving is for us. Incredible.

Thank you, friends. Thank you, family. Thanks for loving us, and for letting God provide through you. I hope I get to return the favor - not to feel like I have earned your gift, at least I hope not. But instead, to be able to love you as you have loved us... with lavish generosity. And maybe not you... but someone else God connects us with. There will always be needs. That is for sure.

So, thanks to God for the new work to do, for the future work that seems to be lining up, and mostly for reminding me again of what really matters in life - the people he has surrounded us with.

Not Like Us

I was thinking about life this morning, in the shower... as I usually do. Sometimes it's the mundane "what do I have to do today" kind of stuff, other times it's "meaning of life" kinda stuff. I suppose it was the latter today.

We're still in a pretty good pinch financially. We have some temporary relief for the moment thanks to some incredible (and unsolicited) generosity of our friends and family. And for some reason, even when there seems to be a lead (a new client, interest in our trailer for sale, or any other possible income) they seem to fall through. It can be pretty frustrating...

What would cross my mind in years past would be that "God disciplines those he loves." I would begin to search inside myself to find something about me, or something I was doing or not doing, that might be displeasing to God. That usually did not take very long. So, I would tell God I am sorry for that, and ask him to help me fix it, and I would assume that my repentant heart would curry God's favor once again. (Meaning, whatever bad thing I was calling God's discipline would be lifted from me.)

Sometimes that would happen, other times it would not. Certainly could not detect any sort of pattern. The only pattern I could discern was my repeated attempts to work my negative circumstances in life into some form of disciplinary action from my Father with a capital F.

But over the past many years, I have been learning of his grace - unconditional grace - and his way of dealing with us. It's not do right, get good... do wrong, get bad. At least not always. Not that predictable. The one thing that I can count on is that he loves me. A lot. So many scriptures tell me that. A lot.

Still, we persist in this idea that if something is wrong, God is punishing us. (And sometimes we think the reverse, where good stuff means we must be doing "something right", but usually we just take the credit ourselves for that.)

Is our sudden lack of income the result of some known or unknown sin in my life? Maybe Jen's? If I repent of my current failures (of which there are many) will the money start flowing again? I obviously can't know the answers to those questions, but I think I can see evidence that suggests the results will not be (necessarily) directly tied to my choices or actions in the immediate future. There may be consequences to my poor decisions, mistakes, failures, or general lack of wisdom and discrepancy. But, God does not seem to operate on a "if a = b then c" system.

God almost does the opposite. When the disobedient, unruly, lazy son asked for his share of his father's inheritance... his dad gave it to him. He knew what his son would do with it, but he still gave it to him. And, he let his son go off and actually do what he knew he was going to do. How many of us could actually knowingly fund our children's debauchery? And - even more - allow them to really go through with it? I'm not sure I could...

But God is way more patient that we are. God also sees way more of the big picture. He is not doting over every little thing we do wrong or don't do right. He walks with us, and encourages us toward the good, and away from the bad. If we fail, he is there to pick us up. He's not there to immediately punish us. He wants us to succeed. (Not in a "success deity" kind of way... in the Kingdom success kinda way. A very backwards way.)

All of this may not make too much sense, but I could see God working this through in my head and heart the other day (when I started this article) and wanted to write it down, and perhaps share it with you. You may think that bad circumstances in your life are God's direct intervention to "teach you a lesson"! I can not know what he is doing (or not doing) in and for you. But I do know that he is teaching me to trust him. Trust his love, trust his goodness, trust his provision, trust his lead. I have been learning again through a tough financial time - a tough time to trust my Father - just what matters in life. It's not my stuff. None of it. It's the relationships he has placed me in. My family, my friends, my neighbors. All I need to do is trust and follow God's lead (based on what I have learned of him, and seen him do in the past), and love the people whom he has placed around me. Every day there is another chance to learn.

And isn't that true "discipline"?

Mormons, Catholics, Santeras... Oh my!

So, the other night I was going through our video podcasts, getting caught up on the ones I hadn't yet seen. There's a little blue dot next to the new ones, it's really cool. (We use FrontRow on our Mac Mini, hooked up to our TV in our living room.) We watch probably 8-10 different ones, including a couple tech-related ones, a NASA podcast, and a couple more from National Geographic.

Well, one of the National Geographic ones was called "Santeria". I wasn't quite sure what to expect, so I clicked and watched. It was about people in Cuba, celebrating the Feast Day of St. Lazarus. (Or something like that.) It is a Catholic tradition, and in Cuba they go all out. They crawl on their hands and knees (or even bellies) for miles, with pain being a tribute to this "saint".

The interesting part - and the reason for the little podcast - was a lady who is both Catholic, and a Santera. Santeria is a religion which worships many gods, who they believe correlate exactly with the saints of the Catholic church. So, St. Lazarus day also belongs to Babalu Aye, his "twin" African spirit.

I really don't intend to put anyone down here, or start an argument at all... I'm really not sure why or how religious feelings go down so deeply, causing things like what Al Qaeda wants to do to "the infidels", and all the similar events throughout history... but, when I saw this, it just reminded me that all religion is very strange. Even Catholics.

Now, you can say that the strange ones are the Santeras, who "made up" the African spirits that match the Catholic saints. And I know, the saints were at one time just ordinary, historical people. But... at least some Catholics pray to saints, and have these very ritualistic practices on the saints' special days. It's really just as religious as the Santeria religion. (Minus the animal sacrifices...) :-)

Why do most Christians think Mormons are worshipping demons, and have strange religious ceremonies (temple proceedings, baptisms for the dead, etc) when Catholics pray to Mary, various other "saints", and have very religious rituals that are commonly practiced? There are tons of Catholic dotrines that are way outside of what you read in the Bible, and now the Pope (who himself is "outside of what you read in the Bible") is saying that Catholics are the only real Christians.

I'm not bashing Catholics. Or Mormons. Or Santeras. (Ok, they're the strangest of the bunch to me, but...) My point is, religion is so crazy. What is it in us that feels the need to appease a higher power so that life will go well for us. And don't think I'm giving "mainstream" Christianity a pass, either. There are plenty of "appeasement" rituals there, too.

The whole idea that by doing some ritual, or saying some set of words a certain number of times, or anything like that is so foreign to what Jesus taught and lived. Actually, he ridiculed the religious leaders who tried to make others follow meaningless rituals and religious rites. He just loved people, and wanted them to know that God loves them. Sin hurts us, and Jesus came to defeat sin and death for us, cause we can't. And he did.

Religion is a feeble attempt at the reality of life with God that Jesus showed us is possible. And is made possible through him. Not some incantations or rituals we do once a year, or more. But life lived everyday in companionship with our Father who loves us, and Jesus our brother, and his Spirit who lives in us and teaches us everything we need to know.

You can keep trying to make God like you, with your religious rituals - no matter how big or small. Or, you can just accept that he does. And that's that.

[Related reading: He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen]

Alone

I'm alone today. Grandma & Grandpa took Jen & the kids to the NY State Fair today! I have some new projects I am working on, and a Bills show to record tonight, so I stayed here.

It's very weird, having no one around. Especially when there are always five other people here. :-)

Well, it's been a good time of getting caught up on stuff (except these unfinished blog posts!) and even a cool moment of some unveiling of issues I was (purposely, and not purposely) ignoring. God allowed me to see them, and work through some of that with him. Perhaps that came from the quiet of the day.

I do have much to do, but at the next turn I plan to blast through at least one or two of the unfinished articles here. :-)

Hope your day goes well, and that you have at least a moment or two of "aloneness" with the one who is always with you.

What Belongs To God

Our Bible reading in the mornings has been somewhat sporadic this summer, but hey, we're still making it through the book of Luke just fine. A nice slow and easy pace. :-)

Today we got to a familiar story. Jesus was out in public and some "spies" were sent to trip him up in his own words. They asked him, basically, is it right to pay taxes? They knew that was a totally loaded question, and Jesus handled it brilliantly (the story even ends with the guys who were trying to trick him being quite impressed by his answer).

Jesus said, "Who's picture is on the coin?" They said, "Caesar." He said, "Then give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and give God what belongs to him." For some reason today, those words seemed different. Somehow I saw a connection between the image on the coin, and how that showed it belonged to him, and how we bear the image of God, and Jesus said, "Give to God what belongs to God." If you apply your SAT logic there, then it would fit that WE are what/who belongs to God.

So the boys and I talked a bit about that. Cute moment was when Alex got the answer right. :-) He was soooo thrilled with himself. It was very cute. (It is usually bigger brother Ian who gets all the right answers...) :-) Alex said, "We're made in God's image!" I said, yeah! Like that coin has Caesar's image on it, so he can have it... WE have GOD'S image on us... so, he can have us. Every bit of us.

He doesn't want our money. He wants us.

Good thing, since we don't have much of the former. ;-)

Just a fun way of seeing that story today. We are the image on God's "coin". I've always wanted to have my picture on money...... :-)

Have a Listen

I believe I have mentioned this here before, but with today's (latest) chapter/episode, I felt it was worth repeating. I am working on creating an audio version of my book, "There's The Steeple... Here's The Church", and have been publishing a chapter at a time via a podcast available at gregshead.net/church as well as iTunes.

Today's chapter is called "Quantifiable". It was fun to re-think the stuff I put in that chapter. God's ways are so not ours... we tend to focus on visible, tangible - quantifiable - results, but that is not how his Kingdom works. He can take 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and feed over 5000 people and end up with 12 baskets of leftovers. Numbers are pretty much irrelevant in his Kingdom.

So, each chapter/episode is about nine or ten minutes long (including the intro/outro) and it's a cool, different way to re-think some of the stuff you've read here (long ago), and just stuff that - at least to me - seems relevant to everyday life with Jesus.

Just thought I'd remind you. Have a listen if you'd like. :-)

You Read My Mind

I feel like I have shared too many times on this here blog how money is tight for us, or just stories of how we could use a bit more cash. I certainly hope they never come across as ungrateful. And definitely not as a ploy to encourage donations or product purchase. (Though you are welcome to browse any of our stores...) ;-) I generally post stories of little or no money here (and what comes of that) because they are encouraging to me, and I hope they are to you.

The last month or two (or three??) business has been incredibly slow, and so as far as I can remember this has been the lowest financially that we have been. Though I completely trust God is taking care of us, and will take care of us - I admit to several (many?) times of being overly burdened by not being able to pay our bills. It definitely takes its toll on me.

Two times recently I was just wondering why God would let us be in this position. Once I was unloading our trailer (so that we can sell it, so that we can pay some bills) and I noticed that we still have a LOT of our Christmas CD. Tons. And I just thought, "Man! These need to be in bookstores, and Christmas stores across the country... not in boxes in our driveway!" So I began making plans to get them to stores, even though my plans to make money never seem to work... :-(

As I was taking another load of boxes up to my office (their temporary home) I got an email from our old neighbor. Turns out she is taking over the bookstore in town and wanted to know how she would go about purchasing some of our Christmas CDs to sell at her store! Amazing. :-) It's small potatoes compared to what we need, but was an encouragement that God is listening nonetheless.

Then this week I was really feeling the weight of past due bills, and almost zero income, and I said to Jen, "I just don't know why God is doing this?" It was a moment of definite fatigue and frustration. I was out to run an errand or something. Within seconds I think of me thinking these things, wondering why God was not providing money, a friend called and said he had an envelope with "some green stuff" in it waiting for us at his office. :-) I knew again that it was not going to relieve all of the pressure, but again, the timing was really fun - and did lighten my load just a tad.

So, again, I don't have any idea why God is letting us go through this. He hasn't told us yet. Perhaps he won't. But through whatever circumstances, we do know and trust his love for us... and it was nice to see it (even if only an apparently small gesture) in those two recent perfectly timed responses. :-)

Spirit-led Praying

I have trouble with prayer a lot of times. Especially when I call it prayer. I very much enjoy a steady dialogue with God throughout my day, but when it comes to "praying for someone" or even just asking for myself... I'm still not certain how best to do that.

See, it seems to me that many of my asks are from my perspective. I see something a certain way, and have a certain desired outcome, and so, I ask God for that. I don't think that's wrong in general, but often I feel under qualified to make such decisions. I mean, why am I asking God for something specific when clearly he knows the best thing for me and/or those around me for whom I am asking, right?

Right.

But does that mean we can't pray? Certainly not. God asks us to ask him. (I still don't get that, but he does.) So I continue to ask, and I continue to struggle with the asking.

As I was chatting with a good friend tonight, (who leaves in the morning for a 10-day trip to the Dominican Republic with his entire family, including a one-year-old!) I wanted to let him know we'd be praying for them. But then all of these thoughts came up. I mean, once I start asking for something, I usually find a way out of asking. It's very strange. But I know there is value in asking God for stuff... so I just began trying to say what I wanted to say in other words.

I told him we'd be thinking of them often. That is very true. We'll miss them, and I'm sure they'll come to mind quite often. We do a lot of life together. So, then I said, "...asking God whatever he might put on our hearts as we [think of you]." As I hit return in iChat, I thought, "That's it. That's how I want to ask. I want God, Holy Spirit, Jesus... any of them... to tell me what to ask!"

And that was it. That was my answer. That relieves the burden from me. I can not know what they need. I was going to say I would pray for protection, but perhaps that is not the best thing. I was going to pray for a "fruitful" trip, but that word is so subjective there are not two people who would completely agree on how that word is defined. What I really want to do is, as I think of them... I want Spirit to lead me in my askings.

Isn't that how we should pray? Doesn't he know all of us best? He is right with all of us who are his Church. He is in our midst, and right with each of us. And, he is building his church, so he knows best what we need to do, and ask for.

Perhaps that was a little piece toward opening up my conversations with God. Not really opening up more words, just opening up the freedom of "praying" for people, as the Spirit leads me to. That's a crazy phrase, and perhaps some of you reading this just cringed a bit. But, if we really believe that Jesus is building his church, then maybe we need to let him prompt our askings, rather than coming to him with an agenda already planned out.

What if he doesn't "prompt" me? What if I don't feel "led" in any specific direction??? Chill out. If I think of something... good. If not, then just relax. Trust that if God wanted me to ask something specific, he would have led me... since he is the one who's leading. That has been a recurring theme in my life of late. Really trust God to lead. Lead me, lead you, and lead his church.

Of course, since he is so good at leading his church.. I could just be hearing what he wants for me, and not at all what he wants for you. :-) So, listen to him... let him lead you where he wants to.

Follow the Leader.

Seeker

I Stumbled Upon a site today that offered a short questionaire about how you "experience the Holy". It was an interesting question that I seldom ask - certainly not often with that wording. So I took it.

According to the test, I am a "Seeker". Click on the little canoe to read what that's all about. Pretty interesting stuff. Here's a snippet:

["Seekers"] do not feel the need to accept traditional faith patterns in order to come to a lively trust in God. They do not feel that faith needs to be categorized or institutionalized in order to be real.

If you're interested, take the test yourself!

Where Do You Apply Grace?

Lately due to many different factors, our children have been both extra tired, and definitely extra tiresome. They have been frustrating both Jen and me in various (mostly little) ways. Silly, childish things... but whether they are "just kids" or not, they are still frustrating. And after a build up of lots of small things... they can seem very large, and overwhelming.

Last night after the kids went to bed, when the house was quiet and I was cleaning up from the day, I was thinking of them. Of the kids who had just so frustrated me with their attitudes, their selfishness, their carelessness, their clumsiness. And I didn't think of any of that. I thought of how much I love each one of them. I thought of how they make me smile. I thought of how sad I was that I ever get harsh with them. (Yes, out of my parental frustration, I have been known to be stern, harsh, strict... whatever you want to call it.)

Kids are great, and they (mostly) only remember the good stuff, too. When morning comes, no one remembers the hardness of the last moments of the day. It's just another chance at another day of life together. And that's great!

But what I was wondering in the quiet was, How do I bring in the grace?

See, one big example from recent times involves my oldest son Ian. "Your oldest???" you ask? Yes, even though we have a one year old, a three year old, and a super-energetic five year old... this story of frustration involves our soon-to-be nine year old! Ian has a track record of spilling things. He has trouble focusing sometimes, and just forgets where his appendages are or where other objects are in relation to his body. It happens a LOT. So, when Ian spilled the vase with the 10th anniversary roses (and plenty of 10th anniversary water in it), and it got all over a bunch of toys that were underneath where they were sitting... I was really angry.

I was angry because we've been over this. We've told Ian to watch where he is going, what he is doing. We've cleaned up too many spills to remember. And, I was extra frustrated because of the timing. This particular time I was feeling very time crunched, and didn't have room to add ANYTHING else - like a major clean up in aisle seven.

I did not mince words. I was not really "mean"... but I wasn't nice. I scolded Ian for his carelessness. Then I got mad at his self-pity for feeling like I was telling him he's "clumsy". What a crazy cycle! We made it out of that alright, and the rest of the night went OK.

The next day, I found a wet spot on the carpet. It was under the roses - which were WAY up on a tall surface. "Nooo... he couldn't have..." I thought. I was wrong. When I found Ian, he got the guilty look on his face, and confessed to having once again knocked the flowers over, and he told me he did try to clean it up. I was angry again - mostly incredulous. (If you could see where these flowers were, you'd be right with me on that...) I did not as much scold him this time, mostly just took the opportunity to let him know how unlikely it was that he could actually spill the flower vase from there. And I told him to just let me know when it happens, not let me find out for myself.

But he probably won't. Because I don't know how to show him grace. At least not in that area. I mean, we're past the grace, right? I've given him lots of grace... now he needs to learn how to actually be responsible. To change his ways. To NOT spill stuff all the time, making lots more work for Dad, and ruining our stuff. He has to learn that doesn't he? I have a right to be frustrated... right???

While I certainly can't dismiss my feelings in these moments - the frustration seems quite understandable - it is almost silly when I pretend those questions above are valid. If I really get grace, then I know that they are not. Grace does not have an expiration date. Grace lasts forever. No matter how many times Ian is clumsy, no matter how many times it's his fault, no matter how much of our stuff he ruins... I still love him, and his heart - and our relationship - is more important than my stuff, or his being able to not spill stuff.

It may seem like a silly example, but for whatever reason it has been extremely hard for me to extend grace to Ian - whom I love - in that area. I am asking God to show me how and when I can change that, so that Ian can know that he can fail and that won't affect our relationship. It doesn't... but I don't think that I let him know that very well.

So do you have any examples? Any thoughts? How do you parent with grace, and yet sustain the boundaries and guidelines and moral and other instruction that children need? I know that context is supreme, but I'd love to hear your success stories.

Until then, I will continue to look for examples to extend grace to my kids, and in so doing, probably learn a lot about grace extended to me.

When Jesus Is Powerless?

I was reminded of a time from the book of Mark where the Bible says Jesus was not able to perform miracles, and could only heal "a few people".

When I first heard that again, it struck me as quite odd. Here is the Creator of all that is, and he is actually limited by a group of people's lack of faith? Couldn't he work around that somehow? It says he was only able to heal a few people. How strange.

In other instances, Jesus does say, "Your faith has made you well." But, I guess I always just glanced over that a bit. I mean, really. It's not our faith, but God's power, right? Isn't it? Well, if it is... how was it that Jesus was unable to perform miracles in his hometown? How is it that he was so limited?

I think this is a neat reminder that though Jesus certainly was the Word through whom the universe was created, he was also fully, 100% man. He did nothing without the Father's lead. That concept just doesn't make sense. You can't be 100% of two things. That would be 200%, and that's not possible by definition. But Jesus is, and was, and that's just a tad confusing. :-)

Just a little something to get you thinking...

Friends, and Friends of Friends

As I was working on restoring our trailer yesterday (more about that later...) I was listening to a few podcasts, including the latest God Journey. The episode title was the same as the title of this post. Wayne Jacobsen was telling the story of his recent trip to Ireland to gather with around 100 people from all over the world, just to be together. It wasn't a conference with any sort of program or agenda, just a gathering of friends.

While he was there he said he realized that the Body of Christ is not about what we do together really, "the Body of Christ is friends, and friends of friends". He saw that as people from all over the world were connecting that week through other connections. "Hi [friend]! I'd like to introduce you to [my other friend]." And once the introduction had taken place, Jesus' body was grown and strengthened as they shared stories of what God has done and is doing in them.

There was not one sermon, not one time where everyone sat and listened to one person. There was only one song they all sang together. There were times when they were all together, but the focus was on each other, not any one thing they were doing. In a gathering of 100 people, there might have been 50 conversations. And again, none of this was planned or scheduled... they just let it happen. And it did.

So, it sounded like a cool week where part of the body of Christ was enjoying life as (perhaps) it's meant to be. It was encouraging to hear how God had brought all of those people together, one relationship at a time, over 30 years or so.

Toward the end of the podcast, as Wayne was reflecting on that week and some other recent events in his life, he said this:

"The fact that they've been 30 years related to each other says a whole lot about the fact that they didn't have an organization to carry together, because if they would have had an organization to carry together, they likely wouldn't still be in fellowship all of them with each other.

That's what our [personal] track record is like. ... If we hadn't had this machine among us, and the fight for who could control it, who was willing to fight to control it, we'd probably still be great friends today. Actually, the power of the institution got between us. There was something to fight over, something to own, something to have."

And I think those words instantly made me stop what I was doing, and make a mental note to go back and write them down. I know I have probably said something like that here before, but it is so true, and was evidenced at a party we were at this weekend.

My brother-in-law was being celebrated by his church for 25 years of service there. Twenty-five years is a LOT of years! He has also been married that long as of this coming October. So we were twice celebrating his oldness! :-) It was fun.

Part of the celebration was a slideshow of various moments over the past 25 years. It was nice to relive the memories, and to see old faces. (Some are not with us any more.) But as the slideshow went along, I noticed two things. First, one of the main memories was building a new building. I certainly remember how much effort we put into doing that. (That's when I was on staff with that group as well.) It certainly was a major event in the timeline of that group's existence. But it dominated a good portion of the slideshow, when I wished we could see more photos of people...

Second, and most disheartening, was once we got back to people, over and over all I could see were people who had been somehow hurt by others in the church, and had left hurt, disgraced, or disgruntled. I actually hope that I was the only one who noticed that. But I really did. So many faces of people who were somehow either hurt enough to leave, or else had no other option but to leave. Good people who were prime time players in the goings on of this organization.

Then I heard the words Wayne said regarding his observation of that group of believers in Ireland. They have no organization to protect. All they have is their shared life together. There's no building, no programs, no schedule, no "Purpose"... just 30 years of living life together with Jesus in common. I couldn't help but connect that thought with what I had seen and felt during that slideshow.

I know that people move on, and relationships (maybe even mostly) are "for a season". But I don't believe they have to end with hurt. Unfortunately, the specific organization I am talking about (as evidenced by what Wayne said) is not alone in its track record of disagreements leading to fractured fellowship. I am convinced that if we didn't have a "Thing" to protect, or to run, or to serve... we would enjoy being together that much more. The "Thing" (Wayne called it a "machine") definitely gets in between us. It can bring us together, but quite often, in the end, it gets in between us.

Living life outside of that Thing is interesting. It's certainly freeing, and we have never known God so personally and completely involved in everything we do more than we do now. It's also a bit frustrating relationally as many times we are not able to spend time with the friends we have made over the years because they are otherwise scheduled with events, gatherings, or meetings related to their particular Thing. Busyness is probably more an American problem than a problem with the Thing, but it is certainly evidenced there as well. But we are in America, so we have certainly seen that busyness limiting our time to just enjoy relationship with our friends who are Christians.

I don't really have a neat summary point to all of this. Just sharing some observations from the weekend. I really think it's true that we could really experience what the body of Christ is so much more if we weren't trying to do these "Things". I certainly have the limited perspective of just being me, and my 33 years or so on the planet. But from where I am now, and what I have seen... life is about people and relationships, not about what we do.

Seems that's quite well applied to the church, too.

No Needy People Among Them...

All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had ... and God’s great blessing was upon them all. There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.

Acts 4:32-35 (NLT)

Last night I had a dream. It was crazy. One of those very vivid dreams, and almost seemed relevant to some issues pressing on my mind and heart of late. I awoke this morning still contemplating all that I could remember from it. Some, or perhaps all of it, was related to the Scripture I later remembered and you just read above.

We were at some sort of convention of Christians. It was not a "church" thing, nor was it a "Christian convention". It was a convention of (mostly) Christians. One of the speakers - at least for the event that I witnessed in the dream - was a friend of mine from college, whom I admire in real life for his skills and business savvy. He does business well. He was doing it well in this dream.

After one of the main session times, we were chatting (he, and I, and Jen) and he said, "Man, that was so great! I heard that one person just donated $25,000 on the spot to [this thing we were raising money for]!" (Note: I can't remember what it was we were raising money for... but it was some facility or program or something that was to help people... it wasn't a church building, or a church program even... but it was Christians working together, raising money for this thing.)

My reaction was, "Wow. That is amazing." But, along with being impressed by the generosity, I was also amazed that we were spending money on this facility or program. First, I was impressed with my friend, who somehow had managed to convince people to donate such large amounts of money... :-) But then I was both impressed (as stated above) and then incredulous at what we throw money at.

In the dream, I turned to Jen and shared those thoughts with her, and then began to think aloud.

"What we really should do together," I theorized, "is give large sums of money like that to some organization that gets Christians out of debt. Clean slate, everything-is-forgiven out of debt. No questions asked." I felt like I was on a roll, so I continued, "We create this organization that is a non-profit, 501c3 organization and convince Christians who have plenty to donate sums like that $25,000 - receiving their tax deduction, of course - and the organization would distribute the money to Christians who are swimming in debt.

"Of course, we couldn't do that for ourselves," I explained, "since it might look a little fishy. But we could take a salary as the folks who run the whole thing." Jen's eyes lit up at that (in the dream still), as (at least in my conscious mind) she is always wishing we had just a little bit more money to pay our bills and buy groceries. I continued, "There would be no stipulations... just an enormous, overpowering debt that could be wiped clean by the Church... Christians helping Christians. 'And there were no needy people among them...'"

I actually don't remember where the dream ended, but it was somewhere around there. As my conscious thoughts took over, I began to think of the ramifications of my plan. At first, it seemed quite a fine idea. It seems to me to be a much better use of money - actually helping people instead of building buildings, or creating more stuff to do. And I thought of a couple refinements that might make the idea actually fly.

First, the receiving family would commit to destroying all of their credit cards, except one. But that one would be reduced to no more than a $5000 credit limit, for emergencies. What good would it be to pay off someone's debt if materialism - in whatever form - is the real problem? The debt will just return again.

Second, there will be ABSOLUTELY NO APPLICATIONS. The church (as you have noticed from everything I write and/or say) can not function as an institution. In so doing, you remove the life, the heart, the humanity from it. The funds would be distributed via relationships. Slower, yes. But a more vital and real solution to a difficult issue? I think so. People whose debt could be relieved would meet with someone from the organization, face to face, and after a meeting or two, funds could be apportioned.

So, theoretically, it all made good sense... and if it worked, a nice salary would help us pay our bills, and (eventually) eliminate our own debt.

But as I thought of all the logistics, and how much I seriously loathe dealing with money, and just how crazy money makes people - and how easily I would be taken advantage of... it became QUITE clear that even if this was a cool idea that came to me in a dream... I am definitely not the person to make it happen!.

Are you? Is this a good idea? Is there something already like this? What I have seen is that places help reduce debt... and teach folks how to better manage their money... but nothing as full of grace and so very church-in-Acts-like as my crazy dream-born idea.

I would be curious what you (especially if you are a follower of Jesus) think about such an idea... is it even possible in America where all must fend for themselves... you have to earn your keep... work for what you get... etc, etc, etc.

Any thoughts?

No Other Gods...

My neighbor has a blog (that I shant link, since I believe it is not a public blog...) and she was sharing some stuff about her (successful) endeavor to quit smoking. One line caught my eye. She likened her smoking to idolatry. Now, I don't think that smoking by itself is a sin, or idolatrous. My neighbor says it is for her, and so, she is right. It's something that gets in between her and God.

When she said that, I thought, "You know, that's a cool way of thinking about idolatry." God tells us to have no other gods before him. And "ta not to" worship idols. That is mostly meaningless to us today, because no one (not many?) actually build big ugly stone "idols" and offer sacrifices or bow and/or pray to them. Do they? So, it's hard to connect with what God is saying there. But if you think of God's ultimate goal for us is to reconcile us to him, in full relationship with him... he doesn't want anything getting in the way of that full connection with him. (For our sake, not his.)

I remember hearing that nowadays an idol can be pretty much anything... a relationship, a favorite hobby, even just drinking Coke. And I think probably Sunday school teachers can take that a bit too far. But what my neighbor said helped me see that idea from a slightly different perspective. The badness is not that God is not getting all of us, and we're somehow not measuring up... the badness is that whatever is distracting us from the fullness of the relationship he intends us to be in with him is limiting the Life we're supposed to be living. That can be smoking, drinking, gossiping, even just the internet and checking e-mail? :-)

You've heard it said that God wants all of us, and I believe that's true... but I am not sure that I have completely understood that over the years. I think I understand that God's motivation is not to be the cosmic Rule Enforcer, but rather, the friend and Father who only wants the best for us. I know I want that for my kids, and I am so flawed in my fatherhood it's ridiculous. So if I can even know that love that wants my kids to have the fullest life possible... flawed as I am... how much greater is that desire in our perfect Father?

Anyhoo... thanks neighbor for some good thoughts on why God wants to get the stuff out of our life that gets between us and him. And congrats on six months. :-)

Audiobook Update

Installment #2 was just posted over at the There's The Steeple... Here's The Church podcast. It is available through iTunes, so that might be the best way to follow along if you'd like. There's a link to subscribe under "feeds" in the right-hand column on that site.

This week's chapter (chapter one) is called, "Redefining Church". I probably won't advertise too much more on this blog, so hop on over and bookmark, or subscribe, or whatever you need to do if you're interested. :-)

Ian Jeffrey Campbell: God's Gracious Gift

A Little Background...
As we approached our first anniversary, life was a whirlwind of new things. Not only were we celebrating the first year of our marriage, we were also expecting our first baby! He was definitely planned, expected, and greatly anticipated. We were a bit surprised at how early he was coming into our family, but we grew more excited as the weeks and months went by to meet our first baby in late January of 1999.

Campus ministry was going OK. Marriage was not. How come no one told us it would be this hard? Perhaps they did, but we brushed them off as people who weren't "really trying" or had just forgotten the love they once had for each other. Well, even with the anticipation that comes with your first child, things were still pretty rough in the early going of our life together. Trying to meld two individual lives into one took its toll on both of us, I think.

And this baby was taking its toll on Jen. Of all the pregnancies Jen has carried since, this one was by far the most draining on her. We didn't know what to expect, since this was our first, but we learned that being pregnant makes you very tired, and a bit more emotional... and a very picky eater! Jen only wanted smashed potatoes with lots of butter and salt. :-) I learned very quickly to make meals for Jen to her exact specifications!

As we worked our way into the fall months, life was busy as always. I was working as a bus driver, in addition to the campus ministry, in addition to several other duties with our small church in Victor, NY. We were also attempting to raise support to work for the church who could not pay us at that time. Lots going on.

During this fall season of 1998, on one of our fall visits to Clarence, NY to spend time with family, we received some disturbing news. In fact, I think it may have been a visit to celebrate Jen's birthday (October 28th). Jen has three (considerably) older brothers. The three of them are only three years apart in age, but they are all at least 11 years older than Jen. The middle of those three brothers is Jeff. Jeff is a different sort of fellow... kind heart, loves helping people... not able to do a lot of things that other folks his age could do. But that didn't stop Jeff from being awesome. :-)

That October 28th (1998), as we were wrapping up the night of fun, Jeff began telling us of his recent visits to the doctor. They were watching some strange marks on his legs. (I forget these many years later if it was both legs or just on one. The image in my mind is only on one leg.) He pulled up his pant leg to reveal some very dark, black marks - almost like bruises, but looking more like veins - creeping up his leg from his foot. It was certainly shocking, but ... not an easily identifiable danger. He was scared as he showed us, and reported what the doctors were saying. But we reassured him that it would probably be OK, and that the doctors would help him figure out what was going on.

Jen & I probably chatted a bit on the ride home about what we had seen and heard from Jeff that night. It was a little scary, but we trusted that the doctors would figure something out, and that Mom & Dad would help Jeff get through whatever might be ailing his body this time. They were all pretty good at that by now, and we rested in knowing that.

A Turn For The Worse
Life continued as normal for the next week. We went about our regular business. Jen's belly continued its slow growth. I'm sure there were good things and bad things that happened from October 28th, 1998 until the next Wednesday, November 4th, 1998, but most of them have long since faded from memory.

Not true for Wednesday, November 4th, 1998.

I remember the phone call. I can't remember if it was from brother Jon, or Andy. (OK, the details are a bit foggy, but there are very vivid images in my memory from that day.) What I do remember are the words, "Jeff is dead."

"WHAT? How can that BE???" Jeff was way too young for this to even be possible. I remembered the marks on his legs and the hint of fear in his voice, and everything just rushed back into my mind along with the overwhelming feelings of pure bewilderment. "How can this be?"

The tears flowed freely. We gathered at Mom & Dad's house and just hugged, cried, sat in silence, and dealt with the details and the many visitors who came to share in the grief, or offer help where - or if - they could.

Though there was definitely a big hole in our lives left by Jeff’s sudden passing, we did manage to begin getting back to the “normal” routine over the next couple weeks. Campus ministry continued, bus driving continued, and the baby continued to grow inside Jen.

It was not too long after Jeff died that both Jen and I separately thought that we should name our baby after Jeff, if the baby was indeed a boy. Jen had an inkling that it was, and somehow, once Jeff died, we both knew “for sure” that it would be. We had the first name picked out already, but a different middle name, that we weren’t too sure of anyway. And there really was no question that if we did indeed have a boy - and it only seemed fitting that we would - we would certainly name him Ian Jeffrey.

It was already November, so the time was passing quickly. End of the semester events, holiday preparations. Life was certainly not back to normal for Jen’s mom & dad. We prayed daily for them, I think, and made sure to keep tabs on how they were doing. Jeff’s death was a horrendous experience for them. Maybe especially for Dad. He was the one that found Jeff. He was the one that felt the responsiblity - perhaps even burden? - to care for him for 36 years. They had their spats, to be sure. I was witness to a handful of them, and Jen can attest to so many more. But Jim & Carolyn loved their little boy (who was not so little!) and his sudden removal from their lives was just plain crushing.

Christmas was fast approaching, and we were just getting through all the stuff that needed to be gotten through leading up to a Christmas Eve service at our tiny little church building in Victor, NY. That would be the final event before a little Christmas break to be with family. It was the down time between semesters, Christmas and New Year’s... a great time for a break.

But we had to get through Christmas Eve first!

Christmas Eve, 1998
It was our first Christmas Eve service at the Church of Christ at Victor. I can’t recall right now if I was there in 1996 (my first year there on staff) but I do know we had not been there in 1997, as we spent that Christmas season with my parents in Ohio. So we weren’t quite sure what to expect. At least, I wasn’t. I and my ever-growing pregnant wife arrived at the little building about an hour before time to begin and the room where the service would be held was already packed!!! Ha! I couldn’t believe it! So, I scrambled around (in front of everyone) to get all of our musical equipment set up, and the night pretty much was just a blur from there on.

Christmas songs, smiles and hugs between friends, even a bit of home made egg nog if I remember correctly... it was a nice Christmas Eve service. After all had finished, and we’d done a bit of clean up, we packed up and headed out for the hour and fifteen minute drive to Jen’s parents’ house.

We arrived late, but talked till later. That’s a Walker family tradition I have learned. The best chats are usually after the day has been completely exhausted, and everyone retires to their various seats in the living room. It’s just a place no one wants to leave, no matter how tired they might be. (Or, how pregnant!) So we stayed up and chatted for a good while... probably hit the hay near midnight that night. Definitely heavier hearts than normal... mixed emotions as we headed into Christmas morning. The first one without Jeff.

Now we were completely unprepared for what was about to befall us. We were not expecting a baby until JANUARY 25TH. It was only December 25th. We had been reading some childbirth books, and certainly were eager to meet our new baby.... just... not yet.

About 2am (I think... maybe 4am?), I awake to find Jen is missing... and in the bathroom. I'll spare you the graphic details, but she was spending a little more time in there than normal, so I was certainly curious. She finally came back to where we were sleeping and I asked, "So, what's going on?"

"I don't know... I think my water broke." she said, a bit confused.

"You think?" I wasn't sure what that meant. I hadn't ever experienced such a thing, of course, but... wouldn't you know??? "What do you mean, 'I think'?" I queried.

She explained what had been going on for a while now, and it sure sounded like her water had broken to me! From what we had read in the books, I knew that was time to spring into action - even if we were a WHOLE MONTH ahead of schedule. But we talked about it, and Jen decided it was OK to wait till a more decent hour to call our midwife. She was back in Rochester, and could tell us what we should do. The contractions were not very severe, so we just decided to wait.

Everything progressed steadily through the night - Jen did not get much sleep, but then again, neither did I! - and at about 8:30 am we phoned our midwife. She was very excited for us, and said that the best thing to do would be to come to Rochester if we thought we could make it. Jen thought we could, so off we went.

A Different Sort of Christmas Morning
Now, this is one of the comical memories of the day. We all pile in my in-law's car, Jen & I in the back, Mom in the passenger seat timing contractions, and Dad driving... fast. If you know Jim Walker, you probably know that he's a very law-abiding citizen. He likes to do the right thing. Well in this case, his love for his daughter, or grand-baby, or perhaps his love for his car's upholstery permitted his conscience to drive at about 90 mph on the NY State Thruway. :-) We've never made such good time to Rochester! :-)

The contractions continued, and all seemed to be progressing just fine. Except that it was Christmas morning! Obviously plans had changed a bit for the day! Instead of waking up, sharing some food, opening presents - and missing Jeff - we were speeding down the highway, ready to have a new baby!!!

We arrived at Rochester General Hospital sometime in the 10 o'clock hour, and got checked in and did all of the preparatory stuff. Got settled in a room, and Jen got ready to have a baby! Not getting much sleep the night before, we could see she was a bit weak, so our midwife suggested lunch. And so, we ate lunch.

I actually don't remember lunch one bit. I vaguely remember Jen trying to force down a few things, but not really wanting anything. I have no idea if I ate or not. I do remember we were all there... and looking forward to a new baby! I believe Jen's oldest brother, Jon, and family had joined us by this point. They were going to come over to Clarence for the Christmas Day festivities, but that was preempted by this pending birth.

Oddly enough, though the labor had begun in the middle of the night (and hadn't stopped), Jen's body was not showing much progress. The doctors weren't too concerned about that yet... but we were certainly getting tired. Poor Jen! She was falling asleep - sitting up - between contractions! Maria, our midwife, was calm and relaxing, carrying on a conversation with Jen & me, and anyone else in the room... offering advice at various points as to what might help Jen. She did a great job.

Well, the hours turned into even more hours, and the rest of the family decided to make the trip over from Buffalo to Rochester! Jen's brother Andy, as well as the family who had adopted Jeff's kids (whom we had adopted into our family) eventually joined us at Rochester General. What's the point in spending Christmas day over there when the party was clearly here!!! From what we were told, there was quite the party in the waiting room by that Friday evening. :-)

All this time, Jen went ahead with our desired drug-free course. Her body was growing very weary, though. This was WAY harder on her than I expected it would be. I mean, I watch the movies and stuff, but this went on a LOT longer than any TV birth I had ever seen. (I guess editing helps that a lot...) :-) They asked if she wanted any pain medication, but she held on and politely refused the offer.

By the evening time, more and more doctors began to visit the room. Jen was in the 35th week on the 6th day - or, one day before "full term" - so the docs were watching this particular birth a bit more than normal. Because this labor was taking so long after the water broke, some of the doctors were a bit concerned and wanted to do an internal monitor thingie. We didn't really want that, but this was definitely not going exactly as we had planned, so... we agreed. The test revealed that all was still going just fine... just going very sloooooowly.

We were getting close though. Right around the 9pm hour, things started really crankin'. We had been having regular visitors to the room throughout the night. Jen's mom & dad, our friend Leah wanted to be there for the actual birth, so she had been for a few hours. A niece here, a nephew there, a brother here, a sister-in-law there. But more than that, those doctors kept coming to take a peak at the not full-term lady. It was kinda crazy. But it GOT CRAZIER. As Jen went into full labor, the room FILLED with doctors. It was nuts! I just stayed up by the head of the bed on one side of Jen. Leah was on the other, and somewhere nearby was Jen's mom and our midwife, Maria.

It was quite a party for Ian's arrival! :-)

God's Gracious Gift
The final stage of labor actually went pretty quickly, which I was so glad for. And at 9:19pm on Friday, December 25th, 1998, we were given our first baby... a boy. I just cried. As soon as I saw him I cried. I don't cry much. So, I was a bit surprised at that sudden rush of emotion. But it's all I could do. It was the culmination of 8 months of waiting for a baby with great anticipation. It was the culmination of 2 months of sorrow and sadness and loss... replaced with great joy and a healthy new baby boy! It was the culmination of a long - very different - Christmas day spent with the extended Walker clan at a hospital in Rochester.

There were probably 20 people in that room with Jen & me, and our new baby. Maybe more. A few moments - who knows how long - after the baby was born, and we were holding him, Jen's dad asked from the back of the long room, "What's his name, Greg? What's his name???" I looked at Jen and offered her the chance to give her parents the gift we had somehow almost known we'd be able to give. She was just too exhausted and motioned for me to go ahead.

"His name is Ian," and I paused, then said clearly, but emotionally, "Jeffrey... Campbell."

I don't remember exactly what happened, but there was a definite understanding in the room that this new baby boy was named after the family member whose absence still hurt us all. God had given us a gift - on Christmas day no less - and his name was Ian Jeffrey, after his Uncle Jeff, whom he never knew. We later learned that the name Ian means "God's Gracious Gift". We had simply chosen it because it was the Scottish name we liked the most.

But I think God had other plans.

I don't remember when the party died down that night, but eventually it did. My parents also came up that weekend to meet their first grandson. That was a joy as well. They brought us pizza and wings, and we watched the Bills game in the hospital that Sunday afternoon! :-) All were happy to meet this new little Christmas boy, Ian Jeffrey Campbell.

Ian couldn't have been healthier. The nurses and doctors were all thrilled at how healthy he was. He was a bit on the scrawny side (the fat comes in the final month of gestation...) but overall the thing they were most concerned about was his "slight jaundice". (I told the nurses that wasn't jaundice... Jen is kind of yellow too!) So, they ran lots of tests on him, just to be sure, but all checked out normal. I tried to tell everyone that he was just fine... that God had a purpose for him, and so he was just fine.

Ian was indeed God's Gracious Gift. He was given to us on a Christmas Day. Usually a time of family togetherness and celebration that, for the Walker clan in 1998, was marred by the sudden loss of our brother Jeff. When we imagined we'd be feeling the emptiness of death, we instead spent the entire day anticipating life, and we were given another Jeffrey.



The Marks
One more interesting thing about Ian's arrival here on the planet. Do you recall the strange marks on Jeff's legs just before he died? Well God gave them to Ian. They aren't as scary looking as Jeff's, and sure, they're slightly different. But, not long after he was born, we noticed some marks that go all the way down his left leg - which if my memory is correct, is the leg that Jeff showed us that night in October. They are not exactly the same, but it is just crazy that Ian even got those crazy marks that match his Uncle Jeff. Now, I do have a strange birthmark that extends over a good portion of my left arm, but these are just a bit different, and "coincidentally" just where the marks were on Jeff's body before he died.

I don't think any of our other children so far have fit into a bigger picture like Ian did on his birth day. Ian was born at just the right time for so many more people than just him. His story is bigger than just him. That doesn't take anything away from any of our other children who we have seen added to our family. Each of those days is certainly memorable as well. But there's no denying that we gave Ian Jeffrey the right name, even before we knew how any of the events would unfold.

Ian truly is God's gracious gift.

Control vs. Responding

Not long ago I mentioned that something was stewing in Ye Old Greg's Head... and indeed it has been. Head, heart, you name it. It seems that many places I turn these days the following thoughts pop in for a visit. Sometimes short, sometimes longer... but seeming to weave their way through a bunch of different areas effortlessly.

I was reminded of this trend today in a conversation with my neighbor. They just returned home with his wife's daughter - who is moving in with them for a while, going to college in the area - and he was sharing some stories illustrating how she does not handle change very well. Not well at all. :-) And I immediately thought of my sister, and a few other folks who really prefer to have a routine, and any deviation from that really, really throws them off.

"I think I have recently noticed," I told my neighbor, "that people who don't handle change well may indeed be personality-related, but I think it's something we all deal with on some level. We need to control stuff. Some of us more than others. Some of that has got to be built-in... but I think a lot of it - especially the ability to go with the flow - is (or can be) learned."

My neighbor completely agreed. Gave his dad as an example of "mellowing out". As he has gotten older, he is much more "go with the flow", "mellow", or just able to deal with what life brings. Is this a personality? Is it a learned skill? Is it just life experience and wisdom from years on the planet? Maybe it's all of them?

Whatever it is, I have noticed that I really, really prefer to try responding to instead of controlling my world.

Let me give you a few of the examples that I was talking about in last week's teaser.

First, if you haven't noticed (or if you are new here, and don't know us personally) we do stuff a little differently. We never dated. We didn't kiss until our wedding day. We have four children... and want more. We home school those same children. We love Jesus, and his church, but we don't attend any "church" as we have grown up knowing them. All of that is a little different than the societal "norm".

Recently as we thought about home schooling, Jen & I were just marveling at the idea of institutionalizing learning. It really baffles us now that we have been down this "home schooling" path for quite a while. See, home schooling does not mean school at home. We don't have a set time for "classes" every day. We do have "table time" for basic math, writing skills, etc, but that occurs only a couple times a week (if that!) and we consider that only the smallest part of our kids education. The real learning happens all the rest of the time. Those things are just a few necessary skills for life. And really they aren't learned during a "lesson" time... they are learned as they are put into practice in the rest of life.

Institutions teach us the opposite. The real learning of any value happens in the academic (institutional) setting. Knowledge must be passed along in a structured way, at a certain time. I think we were talking about the way NY State thinks they know what each of our kids should learn at what age. My sister lives in Maryland and had an interesting experience with the school system telling her to "slow down" with her daughter... she "knows too much"! Holy cow!

I know that there must be some value in institutions, but I am growing farther and farther away from that type of thinking. See, in that model, uniqueness of individuals is too easily lost. My son Ian can read like an 8th grader, writes like a kindergartner, does math at probably a 3rd or 4th grade level... and those are just the "academic skills". Interpersonal communication - he's off the charts. His memory is fantastic, way better than most anyone I know. He is very artistic, creative. And he just loves people, and is so good at considering others. But he's also a huge goofball who often needs to be reminded to focus on what he's doing. That's quite a mix of levels there. But the state institution would have us believe that Ian should be doing A, B, C, and D - for 180 days a year, or some amount of hours - when he is a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grader.

What an institution is trying to do is control learning. It is the attempt by a group of people or a society to contain, package, and repeatedly apply with a broad brush something that I don't think can be contained that way. Mainly because I think learning happens in life, and life can not be contained, packaged, or otherwise transferred en masse.

The same goes for the way we live today as the church. We have created hugely elaborate systems (ok, some are less "elaborate") ;-) to pass along life with Jesus. We know it's a great thing, and want everyone to experience it - everyone needs it, right? - so we have all these great ways that have worked in the past (or, we get the occasional "new" idea...) that we try to contain, package and then apply to the next person who comes in the door.

Just like with learning... life with God can not be contained, packaged or mass distributed. At least, not in my experience. God is living. An individual who interacts with each of us personally. Individually. You can't say for me how God is going to lead, direct, teach, interact with me. You can tell me what your experience has been with him, and in many ways that may be similar to mine... but it can't be neatly contained so as to repeat it again with similar results.

There's the thing right there. We love the idea that we can control life. That's what institutions are. Church, School, Government, etc, etc, etc. These are systems we create to manage people in a similar way to produce similar results. Problem is, we're really not all that similar. I mean, we kinda are... that's why it kinda works. But only kinda.

The alternative I have noticed is what God has led us into over the past several years. We have consistently been learning to structure and plan less of our lives, and to follow the daily lead of our Leader. We have freed up our schedule a LOT and that has allowed us a lot more time to be together as a family, with our four very young kids. That's awesome! It's given us the freedom to respond to last minute invitations, as well as offer last minute invites to friends/neighbors who pop into our minds.

Fewer plans also allows us to just enjoy where we are at that moment. We aren't trying to accomplish some other things while doing whatever we're doing. Jen just shared with me tonight that this week she has tried to stop doing other things while playing with the kids outside. And late in the week she finally noticed that she wasn't frustrated anymore when Julia needed something, or Alex asked her to watch him do something. She was available to respond in the moment, not trying to follow a plan.

And as I mentioned above, we try to do most everything we do in a "responding" way instead of a "controlled" way. Life with other Christians (the Church), "educating" our children. I can't even really write it, cause it's just... not a thing. We don't even consider it a separate area of life. It just IS life. Both of those things.

Is any of this making sense? It's almost 2:30 am, and there are so many thoughts in my head on this, and so many occasions to which it has so clearly applied... I know there will be people who will misunderstand what I am saying and think that I mean that no good comes from a plan. Plans are fine. They won't always work, but if that is known ahead of time, one can respond to whatever actually happens with greater ease. It's not really that... it's a general approach to life.

Do you want to go through life taking control (or at least, attempting to), or would you rather respond to life as it comes? The latter does not mean sitting on your butt waiting for life to come to you... it means in your heart, are you about your own agenda, your own purpose... or are you open and available for God to lead you to what he is doing in that moment? Are you able to respond to life as it happens, or just break down (like our neighbor's daughter) when something changes that seems momentarily big?

I definitely feel like God is teaching me to respond to life rather than try to control it. And I have noticed that such an approach certainly requires a good deal of trust in him. But it also certainly offers great freedom, and peace, and I think the great "reward" of a richer, fuller life. At least... in the important things.

I am not certain that approach would lead you to be a good CEO of a giant corporation... but, who knows? If that's what God wants you to be... he'll lead you there!

I guess the question is... are we leading, or are we following the Leader? Are we trying to control, or are we free to respond?

There's The Steeple... Here's The Church - AUDIOBOOK!

I finally have posted the first chapter of the audio version of the book I published last year, There's The Steeple... Here's The Church! I may have mentioned this here before, but if I did not, I'm sure I explain it on the page I just linked you to. The plan is to record and release each chapter as a podcast, and encourage discussion and perhaps just encourage people to live in the greatness that is life with God and his Church.

If you haven't heard of my book, published last July, you can purchase it through my bookstore (click the links at the top of this site) or you can even download a free PDF of the book there as well.

I am in the process of adding the podcast to iTunes, and hope to be able to get ahead on the recordings so that I can post a chapter at least weekly. Perhaps ambitious, but we'll see.

Thankfully, I don't need much sleep! :-)

If you know anyone who is wanting more than sitting in the pew on Sundays, or going through the motions of "church life"... perhaps God is calling them to a life that is infused with more of him? We have found that to be true, and I hope that this, another version of the text collected over the past couple years, will be an encouragement to people to follow Him in that.

So check it out, and please do spread the word. I'll have the iTunes link up as soon as they send me the link!

gregshead.net/church

(I think you can drag that link to your browser bar (in Safari, at least) and it will automatically generate a bookmark!)

Rules vs. Relationship

At the home of some good friends the other night, my son Ian told our hosts that Alex didn't like something (I forget what) because he doesn't like rules... "just like Dad." :-) That gave our friends a little chuckle (maybe partly because they know it's true!) and initiated a brief conversation about the need for rules in society. One opinion was that, in our fallen state, we need rules. We can't function without them. Another opinion (mine) was that we are not made to be bound by rules. Ideally we live free - governed by our own internal rules. I do admit that not everyone chooses to live this way, which necessitates the "rules", but that's why I think rules are always hurtful. They never help, they always limit and detract from the fullness of whatever they are trying to protect.

But I could still completely see the other point of view. So I pondered a bit more why I think it's possible to live sans rules. What I came up with was just from thinking about my own motivations. When I do something for someone else (or, perhaps, don't do something) it's never to meet the requirements of some rule. I never think, "I need to leave that MacBook Pro on my Dad's desk because the Bible says 'Don't Steal'." Instead, I leave the MBPro there (against my impulses...) :-) because I love my Dad. It belongs to him, and it would hurt our relationship for me to take it.

Now, perhaps you think using my Dad was a bad example. Or something as valuable as a MacBook Pro. Let's take a different example. I'm at the bank, and I use their pen to sign my check and fill out the deposit slip. "The pen seems kinda cool... I need one... they won't miss it..." but then your conscience gets the better of you and you think, "No... God says, 'Don't Steal', and that means pens too!" And you leave the pen, thanks to your obedience to the rule.

But what if relationship - even to someone you don't really know - motivated you instead? Instead of thinking "Thou shalt not steal," maybe think, "That pen belongs to someone else, and I wouldn't like it if they took mine, so I'm not going to take it." Or, if stealing is not your gig... think about anything else we have rules for. Step out of the context of obedience to the RULE and think about how you can love - or not be loving - your neighbor by your actions.

It creates a freedom far beyond what any "righteous" obedience to a set of morals could offer. We are free to love because we are loved. When we love, and act out of love, we are living "under the rules" but not by the rules. Does that make sense? Everything I do, I want to have the people around me in the front of my mind. How will what I do - or don't do - affect those around me? I am not considering rules... I am considering relationship.

There is the freedom of living not under rules, but out of love. The former is accomplished by the latter, but the motivation is different. If motivated by rules, we will always fail. We will not live up to the standards, or maybe even need to "break a rule" in order to love someone. But if we live out of love, the heart of the rule is fulfilled.

Matthew 22:35-40 (New Living Translation)
One of them, an expert in religious law, tried to trap him with this question: “Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

God & Money

Here's what we read this morning... can anyone make sense of this for me? Jesus seems to be saying, use money like the world does, so you'll have a reward in eternity... but, you can't serve God & money... still trying to figure out what he meant here...

Luke 16:1-13
Jesus said to his disciples:

A rich man once had a manager to take care of his business. But he was told that his manager was wasting money. So the rich man called him in and said, "What is this I hear about you? Tell me what you have done! You are no longer going to work for me."

The manager said to himself, "What shall I do now that my master is going to fire me? I can't dig ditches, and I'm ashamed to beg. I know what I'll do, so that people will welcome me into their homes after I've lost my job."

Then one by one he called in the people who were in debt to his master. He asked the first one, "How much do you owe my master?"

"A hundred barrels of olive oil," the man answered.

So the manager said, "Take your bill and sit down and quickly write `fifty'."

The manager asked someone else who was in debt to his master, "How much do you owe?"

"A thousand bushels [a] of wheat," the man replied. The manager said, "Take your bill and write 'eight hundred'."

The master praised his dishonest manager for looking out for himself so well. That's how it is! The people of this world look out for themselves better than the people who belong to the light.

My disciples, I tell you to use wicked wealth to make friends for yourselves. Then when it is gone, you will be welcomed into an eternal home. Anyone who can be trusted in little matters can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters will be dishonest in important matters. If you cannot be trusted with this wicked wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? And if you cannot be trusted with what belongs to someone else, who will give you something that will be your own? You cannot be the slave of two masters. You will like one more than the other or be more loyal to one than to the other. You cannot serve God and money.

New Tabs & Jesus

Hi folks. It's going to be pretty busy work-wise around here this week. I'll post to the blog when I get a chance, but I think I might mostly be doing some clean up and re-organizing. :-) You'll notice the new tabs just above the main content of the pages... I thought I would take advantage of the automatic page links generated by the labeling system. I tried to select the main categories of most of my posts. Stay tuned... they should start to make more sense as we go forward.

One quick thought for tonight, before I hit the hay...

As I was creating the labels index page, I was going through each label I have created, and in the middle were a bunch of names. Ian, Jen, Jesus, Julia, Kirsten. As I typed those names it struck me that it was easy and natural to include Jesus as a family name. :-) He is part of our family. I love that our kids know that. They talk to him like that. Just like we do.

We didn't plan to have an I, J, J & K string of names... it just worked out that way. But it's pretty neat that Jesus is right in the middle of us. :-) (Actually, my name starts with G... so we just need to get an H in there somewhere...) :-) (Who knows what happened with Alex! I don't think we're going to fill in the alphabet between him and me!) :-)

So, enjoy the tabs. Do a little exploring perhaps... and hopefully this will help tailor your reading experience. Lemme know what you think if you're so inclined. Comment away! :-)

The Shack - Completed

I think I have mentioned a few times the book I was reading (and finished last night) The Shack? I know I did at least once. Well I finally finished it and though it came extremely highly recommended, it did not disappoint! I was impressed. :-) Usually such high praise as it received can only lead to the actual experience not measuring up to expectations.

But The Shack does.

I think what I most enjoyed about this very well-written story was the unexpectedness. There were times when I felt it was just what I was expecting, but more often what I thought was, "That's a cool way to look at it..." The premise is that a man who has faced unbelievable tragedy, and feels far from God - really on purpose - is called to the location of a focal point of his pain to meet with God. And this is not the big shiny booming voice old guy you might expect. It's a very cool look at God in his infinite - and personal - uniqueness.

The book even had a surprise ending! (At least to me!) I kept reading and reading last night as I couldn't put it down. It's a great story of redemption, how God brings life from death, and forgiveness, healing... just all the stuff God works in us. And as I said, very well written, so an easy read.

I want to get a copy to give to our library, so people can find it that way. And we may buy a copy or two to hand out to friends. Jen is reading our copy now, and Laura is in the queue.

Anyone else want to get in line? :-)

I may continue to reference the book as I continue to process it. Till then, check it out for yourself at the links above.

Interesting Coincidence

We found a neat little podcast from NASA called "Ask An Astronomer" that is definitely very cool for the kiddos. (Mom & Dad like it too!) They are little three minute answers to some big questions regarding things in the sky.

Today we watched a couple: one about lunar eclipses, and one about solar eclipses. Both Jen and I caught a pretty humorous line from someone who either didn't want to - or didn't feel "free" to - admit that God could have had some part in putting that stuff in the sky.

Speaking on solar eclipses, the astronomer said, "In an interesting coincidence, the moon is 400 times smaller than the sun, but it's also 400 times closer to the Earth than the sun. So they appear to be the same size in our sky."

An interesting coincidence... :-)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... there are just too many "interesting coincedences" for me to think that what we see around us has created itself over billions of years. I'm no weirdo who thinks I know how everything got here exactly... not by a long shot. I just can't believe Someone didn't have a hand in putting it there. It's too amazing to not have some Originator.

But anyway... thought that was a funny line. Interesting Coincidence. :-)

Our Only Rule Book

Inspired by recent readings, hearings and various thinkings floating through GregsHead, I have thought again about our push for being right. For knowing the truth and letting others "have it". I read a column this morning by a local radio talk show guy who was certainly convinced that he had the "right" answer for what the church should be and do. (Now, I know... that's his job... but still, furthers my point that we all love to be right.)

Maybe Christians are the worst at this. From early on, most of us are taught that there is a right, and definitely a wrong. Actually, many wrongs. We recently heard the Bible referred to as "our only Rule Book". Ouch. Is that what it is? What about all the people who interpret it differently than you do? They have rules, too... just different from yours. In most cases (in the view of both parties) the other guy is wrong. And you're right.

This obsession with being right actually removes us from relationship with other people. We focus so much on having and knowing the "truth" that we must first verify that those with whom we associate are "with us", and "doctrinally correct", and if not, we must instruct them accordingly. There is always a bit of an angst as errors in thinking must not be tolerated. At least when it comes to Christianity.

And there's the rub. We have something (Christianity) that we need to protect, not Someone we want to introduce. An institution is defined. It has a Rule Book. It's easy (at least, sort of) to protect and preserve. A Person is not. Someone who is alive and dynamic (yet the same "yesterday, today and forever") is not easy to define, protect or preserve. Many have said, "You can't keep God in a box." Of course, they were probably referring to "the other guy's box"... but, I believe that statement is true.

For some reason I was reminded of a strange rule we have made up today. Perhaps it's due to hearing of marriages and other similar relationships dissolving for one reason or another. I remembered a "proof text" that many use for when it's "OK" to divorce. Remember when Jesus said that divorce was bad... unlesssss... the WIFE has been unfaithful. Don't you know that people (your intrepid author's former self included) use that to say that if there has been infidelity (perhaps especially from the woman???) that divorce is OK. And hold mightily to the words Jesus said previously that divorce is always bad. Which, I believe is correct, since Jesus seemed to say it as truth... but we leave out the "context" part where something that's bad might be better than something that's worse.

On many such occasions, we take the Rule Book and we bash it over each other's heads... saying my way is right. I got it from the Book! You must be wrong! (Even though our "adversary") is many times doing exactly the same thing. They just view it differently.

I am coming to understand that it's not my job to interpret the "Rules" for someone... for anyone else. My job is to be faithful to my understanding of what God wants from me, and then to love other people as I have been loved. Yes, sometimes love is "tough" and requires an uncomfortable confrontation - BETWEEN FRIENDS. It seems a confrontation is only effective (and then only sometimes) if relationship already exists. If not, why should the confronted change their "aberrant" behavior based on the "Rules" of a stranger?

The Bible is not a Rule Book. God doesn't even want us to live by Rules. The Rules were fulfilled by Jesus. It is finished. That doesn't mean it's not good to live as God intended us to... certainly God's law will last forever. BUT, we were never meant to keep the law... never able to do that. I've been reading Romans again, and Paul emphatically states that:

For no one is put right in God's sight by doing what the Law requires; what the Law does is to make us know that we have sinned. But now God's way of putting people right with himself has been revealed. It has nothing to do with law, even though the Law of Moses and the prophets gave their witness to it. God puts people right through their faith in Jesus Christ. God does this to all who believe in Christ, because there is no difference at all: everyone has sinned and is far away from God's saving presence. But by the free gift of God's grace all are put right with him through Christ Jesus, who sets them free. ... In this way God shows that he himself is righteous and that he puts right everyone who believes in Jesus. What, then, can we boast about? Nothing! And what is the reason for this? Is it that we obey the Law? No, but that we believe.

Taken from Rom 3:20-27, Good News Translation.

If you try to keep the Rules, and make others do the same, you'll only be butting your head up against a wall that won't ever be knocked down. We're meant (I think) to live in the fullness of a restored relationship with our Creator, and then to love the other Createds he puts around us. Rules work perhaps in a computer program... where everything is always (supposed to be) the same. But when people are involved, Rules almost never work. We're too unique. Principles, that can adjust to the context of a situation are more applicable, to be sure. But... maybe we could just make our only "rule" the rule to love everyone we meet, as we have been loved.

At least then the Rule Book would be a lot smaller. :-)

Stewing

There's some stuff stewing in Greg's Head this week... perhaps a bit longer... about two different ways of approaching life. This common theme seems to be running through my head, a thread of thought that permeates many conversations, events, and other happenings. Basically it comes down to whether we attempt to control our surroundings (including people around us), or whether we (as a general rule) live and respond to the moment. I've noticed it in the training of our children, in how we live life with God and the Church, and even on a personal level.

I won't elaborate now... my time is demanded elsewhere. (Gotta pay the bills!) :-)

Stay tuned... I look forward to fleshing out these thoughts and reading your responses.

Errands of Grace?

This morning I had to head out for a few quick errands, which turned out to be at least three opportunities to connect with people I know around town. None are "good friends", but I do have a connecting point with all of them.

I was heading up to the post office to grab a few checks that I expected had arrived from a couple different clients. I was by default going to drive, but then I remembered I like to walk when I'm just headed to the post office, and the bank. But I thought, "Today I need to drive... just because it's faster." So, I headed out the driving door and got in my van to drive off.

First stop was the PO. As I was walking in, a Bookseller friend was heading out. I wasn't sure she was going to see me, but I watched her, waiting for a chance to say hello. She seemed in a hurry, so I was going to let her notice me. She did catch a glimpse of me, and so I waved a hello to her. That seemed to break up her rush a bit, so I went over to say hello. We chatted about the things she's dealing with right now (she's closing down her bookstore) and a few other things. She asked how we're doing, and I couldn't help but bring up money, as once again that is the pressing issue in the front of my mind. She offered a few encouraging (and sympathetic) thoughts, and we parted ways with a smile. I was glad we had a chance to connect, even if only for a few brief moments.

I went in to check the box, and unfortunately, no checks. I would have been more disappointed, but I was still glad to have had the chance to have a chat with our Bookseller friend.

Heading out the door, I noticed she was just leaving, and as she did, she slowed and motioned through her window, "No checks?" I shook my head, and she again motioned in empathy, "Sorry... that's too bad..." I smiled, and we went about the business of the day.

But I wasn't done yet. I did have one check to deposit from the day before. So, off to the bank I went.

But as I was ready to pull out of the driveway I remembered a conversation I had previously had in my head (presumably with God) about a little coffee house in town...

I have visited there only maybe two times - three at most. Often I will think of it, when she is closed. This morning I had thought of dropping in for a chai, but dismissed it as my little addiction - for which we needn't spend any money, that we don't currently have. But as soon as I dismissed it, another thought entered my mind. Often, when I think of something out of my normal or planned line of thinking, it is a prompting from God that is not necessarily about the "thing" I am thinking about. I chuckled, and conceded that perhaps God had something more than a cup of chai for me this morning.

So, sitting at the end of the post office driveway with a smile, I decided I would stop by and see what that cup of chai might bring.

I pulled up to the parking lot, and noticed balloons blowing in the breeze at the door of the coffee house. As I got closer, the sign said, "Come celebrate our 1st Anniversary!" So I walked in and said, "Happy anniversary!" The owner thanked me, but seemed... preoccupied. We exchanged a bit of small talk about her menu and such. I placed my order for chai. "I don't have any large cups," she said, obviously frustrated, "I could give you two small cups and you could do a double-fisted drinking thing?" I smiled, and said that one small cup would be just fine.

I believe I asked her how her first year was, but I don't remember exactly what I asked. Whatever it was, it was the right thing to ask. She began pouring out emotions of the day, perhaps recent weeks or months... perhaps even the whole first year. Overall, she is tired... and not seeing the fruit of her labor. So I, being an outsider, was able to see some good things, and remind her of those. And reluctantly she admitted them.

One of her most recent frustrations was that whole large cups thing. She just hadn't had the time to get them, and it seemed that EVERYONE needed them. So I said with a smile, "Well, I'm glad to have a small cup of chai." :-) She smiled, and thanked me, and I left as another customer was coming in. Hopefully I was an encouragement to her this morning, and the rest of the day might be a bit lighter.

I guess I did go for a bit more than a chai. :-)

Well, now it was off to the bank, with my one tiny check. At least I did have something to deposit, even if it was small. I filled out the deposit slip, and got in line, and went right up to this morning's teller. She was friendly, as always. I have spoken with her many times before. She's a fellow believer, and on the worship team at her church, so we have had several conversations about our music ministry - which is what the check was written to. That prompted her to ask how that was going... so I explained our current "hibernation", and how God is leading that. So then she asked about CDs, if we had any. I explained that we had 5 currently, and she said she would very much like to get one. So, I left saying I would bring one by next time.

As I headed to the van I remembered... they're in our VAN. :-) So, I grabbed one of each, and headed back in to see which one she would like. Generally, I just give them to people. I'm a really bad businessman. I admit it. :-) But today, I didn't think that was the right thing to do. So I debated loaning them to her, then she could buy the one(s) that she liked? Seemed too much pressure. I could just show them all to her, then give her one? Nah... I'd figure it out when the time came.

The time came. She was free, so I went up and showed her all the CDs, explaining what each one contained. One of them was our demo CD that I had planned to just give to her. Then she said, "Well, I'll definitely take the free one, and I'd like to buy this one." She asked how much, and I told her. She handed over a ten dollar bill and I was on my way.

I got back in my van just smiling at the morning's errands. I hadn't gotten the money from my clients that I went out for, but I had the chance to connect (more than a "hello") with three people, sharing a bit of what God is doing for me and for them. (Even if they don't credit him.) And I even came home with more cash, though I had bought a cup of chai that I "shouldn't have".

I'd say all that was worth my cup of chai.

Duplication

Last night as I cleaned up after a little family birthday party for my mother-in-law, I was listening to a podcast. The regular hosts were having a chat with a guy from Australia who has been through a few crazy cycles with the institution of the church. I believe once he was "let go" from his job as a pastor... which served as a wake-up call that "the church" (meaning, the system... the programmed institution) as it was had some pretty major flaws. So, he and his family avoided such a setting for something like nine years?

After all that time, a little Baptist church asked him to be their pastor. The church was very traditional, very Baptist, and he of course said, "No thanks!" But God said, take it. So they did. And slowly over the next few years they, along with that whole group of believers, worked themselves out of that system until nothing was left of that group. They are all still in contact, but all felt that God was leading them to something different... perhaps more free that what they had before.

As I listened, I started to think, "Man! Maybe that's what we should do! Could we do that??? Would I have the patience to go through helping a group of people de-structurize? But it sounds so cool! What a great story! I should try to do something like that...."

Within 5 seconds after I thought all of that, I realized how silly I was. :-)

What is this unquenchable drive to duplicate? Why is it that when we hear a story of some good thing that God did through another believer, it makes us think, "Ooo! I should do that too!" I realized that I was really just trying to do what the church has done with every current manifestation of itself (at least in this culture)... I was trying to DUPLICATE.

They spoke about this a bit later in the podcast I think. Or maybe that was just me, my thoughts, and God having a little chat in my head? For some reason we can't help but try to capture again a moment, or a season, or whatever where we saw God do something incredible. It must somehow be able to be duplicated, right??

Not necessarily.

Yes, God seemed to have led them to take that pastorate... and yes, in my eyes, it turned out pretty great. But so far, God is not leading me to do that... so if I were to do that, it would most likely be (in some way) a big flop. I would be trying to copy - in my own effort - something that God had done somewhere else, but was not asking me to do. THERE'S the point. God leads, we follow. It's not the other way around.

So, I'm not sure I can say that God is behind "Mega churches", but I am saying that we probably shouldn't be trying to copy every little thing they do. God wants to lead each of us, and even groups of us as the church wherever we are. He is our Shepherd, and we get to follow him ... daily. So, if today he asks me to do something, and it works fantastically, is very "fruitful", or whatever... tomorrow it's not my job to go out and do it again. It's my job to get up, listen to what he is asking me to do, and do that. It might be the same thing for another day, week.... maybe a year or two. OR, it might be something totally different. And that might be even harder! Who wants to leave something that's going so well? (Just ask Brett Favre!)

I really don't think formulas, systems, programs, methods, etc are helpful in the kingdom of God. From what I see in the Bible, and in the life of Jesus... he was not about that. He responded to each individual, and each situation, and each leading of God. Perhaps that's what we could do too. Listen to where he wants ME to go, and just follow.

I don't need to be making copies anymore.

The Shack - Just Beginning

I read a few chapters of this book last night. It has come VERY highly recommended. I got a copy from the folks who are publishing it, for helping with their website. Actually, I have been worried it couldn't possibly live up to all of the accolades it has received!

But, so far... it has.

Last night I finished chapter four (just starting really) and even though it was 2am, I couldn't stop reading... it is definitely well written, and a sad but compelling story. (And I don't think I've gotten to the good part yet!)

I know the book is about who God is even in horrible tragedy. I got to read what the tragedy was last night, and let me tell you... without giving too much away, it involves a little girl, and as a Dad... those are the worst kind. I definitely get very emotionally involved in stories about parents and kids, especially Dads and kids who are the same age as mine. :-(

So, hoping I don't have to face that sort of tragedy in person... I will read on and hope to catch a glimpse of God - perhaps a side I haven't known, or yet needed to know - via the experiences of another believer. Should defintely be a good read.

Click through the links above (click the book if you like) and order your own copy. You can read chapter one on their site, too. I think it's as good as advertised.

More when I am done, I'm sure...

Trust In Action

I'm having a difficult time right now. I know something to be true, even able to put it into very clear words in a conversation with some friends. But I'm having trouble knowing what to do next.

I know God will take care of my family. I know that I am not the provider for our family, my job does not provide for our family... God does. I know that. I trust him to, because I have seen him do it many times over.

Right now, that is very difficult.

Money coming in is lower than usual... probably feels much lower than it actually is. And there have been many expenses this month, and coming up next month. Not a good combination.

So, I'm asking God to let me know what he wants. Does he want to prove himself to me... where I really let go and trust him? Or is there a time where we need to "take some action"? The points from each "side" are volleying back and forth in my head. I'm sure I will hear the same responses. It's funny though.. the line reverberating in my head from one "side" is "God helps those who help themselves" (which is not a scripture...) :-) while one the other "side" I can think of several scriptures :-)

"Without faith it is impossible to please God."

"God is able to do immeasureably more than we could ask or imagine"

"We walk by faith, and not by sight"

Hmm... perhaps I am answering my own question? But that's just it. I know the truth. I trust the Truth. But... what do I DO right now? I still have the bills to pay. I still have a family to feed and clothe?

This is heavy on my heart right now for sure.

Distractions

The boys and I are reading through Luke (I believe I have already said that...) and today Jesus was addressing another crowd (SIDENOTE: I posted an entry here before about how it seemed that Jesus was not usually speaking to crowds but more to small groups and even individuals. It seems however that in Luke, almost everytime something comes out of Jesus' mouth it's to a CROWD, so... I stand corrected. :-) End sidenote...) We read a story, and some more teaching from Jesus.

The story was about a rich man who had an abundant crop. He decided he would store it all up in bigger barns, so he'd be set for the future. God said, "You dummy... you're going to die tonight... what good does all your stuff do you now?" Then Jesus reminded us that birds don't have to worry about what they will eat, and flowers look great, even though they're here today, burned tomorrow. We're more important to God than both of those, so... don't worry.

And we finished today with Jesus saying don't treasure things that can be taken, or eaten. (Moths destroy...) Make your treasure eternal stuff... sorta, intangible stuff. Things that can't be taken. Because, where your treasure is, that's where your heart is.

(Somewhere else it says that your heart is the "wellspring of life"... I think that means it's important...)

So I asked the boys what this meant. First they shook their heads in bewilderment. But with some more directed questions, we figured out that Jesus was trying to tell us not to worry about stuff. Don't "treasure" stuff that will break, could be taken, or will just eventually be gone.

Alex didn't like that so much.

I said, "What if our house burned down? To the ground. Everything was gone. Then what would happen? Would that be bad?"

Ian quickly said no, but Alex had a very concerned look on his face. Finally he said, "That would be bad!"

I said, "Why would that be bad?"

"Well, it would burn down, but we'd have Sega, Nintendo, and Backyard Football?" (He really, really likes video games...)

"No, they'd all be gone. But we're all fine. Would we be OK?" I asked.

He thought for a moment and stuck to his guns, "No..." his eyes were filled with near horror, "That would be bad!"

You gotta love Alex's honesty. He really means it. To him, that would mean the end of his world. For whatever reason, Ian has learned the lesson that stuff does not matter. It's fun. He can enjoy it just as much as Alex, but Alex has wrapped his heart up in stuff. He can not imagine a world without his stuff.

I told him that this was a great example of what Jesus was talking about. Stuff doesn't matter, and Jesus knew that. It's fun, but it doesn't matter. If we "treasure" stuff that will eventually break, be taken, or just die... then our hearts will be crushed with our treasure. Where our treasure is, there our hearts will be also.

And later this morning I got to thinking. I know I would be OK if all my stuff was gone. I would be a bit panicked about all my clients' files and such. Hard to recover all that stuff. I would be bummed to lose the stuff of nostalgic and emotional value. But in the end I'd be OK.

That said, I sure do have a lot to distract me from important stuff! I love video games too. That takes a good amount of my time if I let it. I sure do love my computers, and the internet. That takes time too. I love to watch Star Treks. I love watching Hockey, and Football. I enjoy a good movie now and again. I even enjoy sitting down with a nice book and a cup o' something.

There sure is a lot to "treasure", eh?

So, I think at some point in the not-too-distant future... I may take a serious break from all my stuff. I want to cut away the distractions and spend some good time with Jesus. Every once in a while I long for that (I guess, when I haven't had it in a while?) and now is one of those times. I think he was reminding me of that again today.

Some stuff in life is expendable. Well, OK... probably most stuff. Some stuff is not. Time with my Father who loves me is fantastic. I mean just hanging out time. We're always together. He's with me in everything I do. But sometimes it's good to just be together, not really doing anything else, eh? I think I'm wanting some of that today.

So, I hope your treasures are in the right place today. I don't mean black/white, right/wrong. I just mean, in a place where your heart won't be crushed if your treasure is. We're going to coax Alex toward that better place. Hope he follows.

God Can Throw You Into Hill

Following our morning Bible reading time the other day, Jen was eating breakfast with the kids - may have been also reading a book to them - when Alex interrupts to inform her that, "God can throw people into Hill." She was probably a bit curious as to where that originated... :-) Earlier that morning, the little story we read had Jesus reminding us that we don't need to fear anybody because "once they kill you, they can't do anything else to you." (That was a loose quote...) "But," he continues, "God is the one you should fear. Not only can he kill you, he can throw you into hell."

As I finished saying that, both the boys looked at me wondering, and finally said outloud, "What's 'hell', Dad?" Let me tell you... that's not an easy thing to explain to an 8 year old and a 5 year old. :-) So, I think I kinda did... and they went on their way. But apparently, that little statement from Jesus made an impact on little Alex... who now knows that God can throw people into "Hill".

There is never a shortage of entertaining moments around here... :-)

More From The Starfish and The Spider

I mentioned earlier that I would be sharing some quotes from the book I have been reading. The Starfish and the Spider is about two different ways to approach organzing people. One way is to have a structured organization with centralized leadership, like a spider whose functions are all tied into its head. When the head is destroyed, so is the spider. The other option presented is the decentralized organization, where every member is a leader - much like the starfish, who when any part is severed not only continues to exist, but the severed part can even become a new starfish!

In giving examples of recent virtual “starfish” like Skype, Craigslist, file-sharing software called eMule, Apache web server software and Wikipedia, the recurring theme is that when the users or members of an organization are not only allowed to almost required to contribute (in order for it to continue its existence), the organization - along with its members - thrives.

As I read story after story in the book of members taking on various responsibilities to the group and just to individuals within the group I couldn’t help but think of my occasional posts about life in a “Star Trek world”. (The book referenced a strange gathering in the Nevada desert called Burning Man where there is a policy of a “gift economy”. Each person may contribute any goods or services, but may not sell. Nor buy. Everything is done/offered for the good of the community.) Jen is convinced this can not work, but, at least the way it was presented in “Starfish”, it already isworking.

The strength of Skype is that it has very low costs, using its users computers to store directory information for other users, for example. The strength of CraigsList is that the focus is on the people. What the users want is what CraigsList does. Each user contributes, and there is a sense of trust and community that has been built and makes the site what it is. Similarly, Wikipedia was first begun as Nupedia - an online encyclopedia written by experts, but free to the public. It found its success when instead of traditional editors and contributors, it opened up the content creation and management to the users. Instead of 24 articles generated somewhere around a year’s time, Wikipedia users have contributed well over a million articles to the English section alone in its five years of existence. And the articles are “suprisingly accurate” says the “Starfish” author.

The other interesting thing about Wikipedia is that, although every user has an equal ability to add to, edit, or even delete content, there is virtually no vandalism. There are even self-appointed Wikipedia “custodians” who go around either cleaning up code to make a page look better, or catching any juvenile vandalism that mars otherwise excellently presented articles.

”Wikipedia proves that people are basically good.”

I can’t find the source again (sorry!) but that quote stood out to me. The problem that my wife has with decentralized organizations is that she basically doesn’t trust people. She would probably say the opposite. That people are basically bad, and Jesus helps them change... a bit. :-) And I know I tend toward the positive, but how can you argue with a site that has articles in 200 languages, and over a million articles in English alone with so little vandalism - though it’s so easy to do? And generally, it’s “policed” by the users.
Concluding a story from the Burning Man festival - where 30,000 people congregate in a dry lake bed in the middle of Nowhere, Nevada, the authors say:

But that demonstrated something important - open systems can’t rely on a police force. On the one hand, there’s freedom to do what you want, on the other hand, there’s added responsibility: because there are no police walking around maintaining law and order, everyone becomes a guardian of sorts. You become responsible for your own welfare and that of those around you. In open systems, the concept of “neighbor” takes on more meaning than just the person next door.

I loved this. Just loved it. This is what I want the church to be. Without a doubt. When he mentioned police, I immediately thought of the pastor, or the elders, or whoever is “responsible” for the people’s “well-being”. That level of responsiblity and oversight is not only unfair and restrictive to members, but really equally so to the leaders/pastors.

And it’s just not as good. It might be better in a way for “controlling”, but in my mind, the system where everyone is equally responsible for themselves and for others works better for everyone. And is a much more inclusive, participatory, open system. Which is what I believe the church to be. We have one head. Beyond that, we are all equal. (No slave nor free, male nor female, etc. The lines are gone.)

I think overall the coolest thing about open systems to me is that they are entrusted to each member. No one is trying to “steer the ship”. The “steering” is done together, or just not done at all. Members are free to contribute equally, and really, without their contributions to each other... the group does not exist.

I love the ideas we can learn here for the church. To live together as a family, a unit, an organization where there is no central office, no heirarchy of leadership, no CEO... everyone contributes and receives equally. Everyone is responsible for everyone else. Obviously that does not apply to a group of 10,000 people. In fact the book said it seems like somewhere around 14 people is the max for a decentralized group to function best. Beyond that you begin to have too much anonymity. I love that idea too, and am trying currently to live that. We have a small circle of people with whom we do life the most, and that is who we learn from and share with and perhaps that is our “church”.

God can always change that. And it seems he does. There are seasons when the people in that circle of 14 or so change. Where we are part of a “different church”. But it does seem that there is generally a small group of folks whom we share life with Jesus with.

It’s certainly not perfect. And I feel like we’re still actually looking for that. But perhaps we have more than I sometimes think we have. :-)

I do encourage you to get the book if you get a chance. I would love to talk some more about it, but I have already taken enough of my family’s time here on vacation. :-) The kids have all awoken from their naps... time to start dinner!

If you have any thoughts on these quotes, or open systems in general, post a comment or two below!

Open Systems

I read a bunch more of The Starfish and the Spider on vacation, and it has so reinforced my love for open systems. The book details a bunch of successful up-start businesses and organizations that rely on a decentralized, “user-driven” organizational structure to function. And it’s just fantastic! I have mentioned before that I lean toward “Libertarian” politcally/idealogically. This certainly fits that. Open systems thrive on trust of each individual member. Trust promotes equal ownership and equal participation, and each member contributes to the advancement of the organization. Fascinating stuff.

Check and see if your local library has this book. It’s been worth the read for me. I would recommend it. (Though I was told to only read the first half, as in the second half they pretty much negate what they learned in the first half of the book... and they start trying to make a centralized system of a decentralized, open system. Ha! We’re so funny...) :-)

I will post some quotes from the book here in a bit... there are some great applications to The Church, to be sure. I think the church thrives as a decentralized, open system. But too often we lock it up in a controlled, centralized system... and take all the life out of it. Or at least hinder it.

So... I will post quotes when we get back from vacation!

(PS... I posted this on my laptop from the indoor pool at our resort! Awesome!) :-)

The Nature of Sin

I have been reminded again lately of some things I was thinking through with God a couple years ago. I wrote about it here, here, and here. Probably a bit more around and about there, too. In fact, it was one of the five major sections of the first book I published from this blog, A Journey Shared.

Most recently, I was reminded as Jen and I were listening to last week’s episode of The God Journey. Overall it was a very good discussion of remembering that Jesus has been tempted in every way as we are, and that though we are sin-stained, he still welcomes us completely. We don’t have to feel shame, but instead, freedom to move forward and walk in step with God - no matter how many “bumps” we may experience along the way.

So, my whole perspective on sin has been slowly changing over the past several years. I like how Wayne Jacobsen describes it as a “disease” (see his book He Loves Me, or the audio collection Transitions. The idea that sin is something that can control us, and that can kill us - like where Paul said that it is “sin in me” that does... something. Where sin is a “force” or something other than just a single misdeed. Or multiple, as the case may be.

I do beleive it’s both. I can think of scripture that seems to refer to “sin” as an individual act that is contrary to the nature of God. But I do believe it’s more. I believe the thing Jesus defeated through the cross was not our individual acts, but the thing that controls and enslaves us.

But the discussion on the podcast seemed to keep going back to the idea that sin was our individual decisions. And, though I liked the general direction of the discussion, it seemed to be focused on the maintenance angle still. Where we can just clean up things here and there, and then... (implied) we can earn a better standing with God. They did not say that exactly, but the way I heard it... that mentality was still there.

How do we find the balance between both viewpoints? Where sin is a disease that can kill us, that Jesus forever defeated on the cross. And, where sin is also the choice I make in one individual situation to do something that is not in the will or nature of God, or take something that God has not given to me? Can they co-exist?

I actually believe they can. But when I heard the discussion, both Jen and I felt that the fellows speaking were just reverting to the old performance mentality of “getting it right” with God. To me, that negates grace.

So as you can see, I’m still processing. Just thought I’d take a moment and share my current thoughts with you. Discuss below if you like.

Missionaries

One more quick thought for the day...

I love the idea of missions. There are so many people in the world (of course, including our own towns and our country) that do now know the reality of the Kingdom. They don't know that God takes great pleasure in knowing us, and in restoring our relationship with Him. They don't know the joy of living loved and complete freed of shame and guilt by that love. So, it's good to tell them.

But recently I have been thinking of "Missions" again, and "Missionaries" and there is a big disconnect, once we have met the folks we are trying to help. And I think it might be, what are we "winning" them to? What is the end goal of our missional efforts?

I really don't want to open up a huge debate here... though if you have any thoughts, you're welcome to share them. I just think the biggest thing we are missing as the church today is that life with God, life in his Kingdom, is not about what we do or don't do (though that may be evidence of the kingdom) but it's an understanding of the reality of a Father who loves us, and wants to lead us, and walk with us through every part of life. We don't meet him at the church building. He doesn't just come around when we're participating in "spiritual events". He does not reside at the "temple". He's with us. In person. All the time.

So when we go out, and we tell people about Jesus... what usually happens (I believe) looks a lot like what we do here in America. We meet (usually) on Sundays, and one person leads a lesson (or sermon) from the Bible, and there's music, maybe communion (which is eating a piece of "bread" and drinking some "juice") and it might even involve everyone being dressed up a bit more than usual. Then there are other meetings throughout the week. Whether one on one or in bigger groups... all focused on some teaching/discipling time. That's a good thing. But it's not the kingdom.

Missionaries are awesome. I hope they keep going to all parts of the world and loving people. The only thing I see falling short is that we're just "converting" them to the same systems that are not working here in America. Systems will fail. Relationships will also, but genuine friendships are less likely to. Love God, and love people. Don't tell them where they need to spend most of their time now... help them know the greatness of being loved unconditionally by their Father. Help them know the joy in loving other people as they have been loved. Can't that be it?

I wish it could. But I'm probably just a dreamer.

Well, the good thing is... no matter what other folks do... I get to choose what I will do.

Starfish & The Spider

I mentioned not long ago the extensive list of books I am currently reading. One of those was the book you see to the right. I've been focusing on that one lately, and it's amazing how much what this fellow is saying about the business world (really, so far it's just an observation of various historical events, including those in the business world) so closely mirrors what the church can (or should?) be.

The chapter I am currently reading is explaining the difference between a spider and a starfish. The spider is as we would expect it. A central head, that controls everything. If you lop off a leg or two, the spider will survive, but if you destroy the head, nothing else will survive. The starfish is different. Any part can survive on its own. "If you cut a starfish in half..." says the author, "you'll have two starfish to deal with." The starfish can "regenerate" from any part of its body since there is no central brain or other center of operations. The creature is a sort of neural network.

Instead of having a head, like a spider, the starfish functions as a decentralized network... The starfish doesn't have a brain. There is no central command. Biologists are still scratching their heads over how the creature operates..."

Indeed, at first glance, that seems chaotic, but somehow in God's design, this creature works just fine as a decentralized unit.

The first case study was all of the peer to peer music/file sharing businesses. The more decentralized they got, the better they "worked" and the harder they were to kill. Record companies could shut down Napster because everything was in one place under one business name. But as it continues to decentralize, it's harder to stop... can thrive without a "head".

And last night, I was reading about the found of Alcoholics Anonymous. Pretty neat how it started out. The guy who started it (an alcoholic) was at the very end of his rope, and figured the only folks who could help him were the people in the same boat as him. So he created a structure that had no leaders, or heirarchy. Just people helping people.

The organization functions just like a starfish. You automatically become part of the leadership-an arm of the starfish, if you will-the moment you join...

Because there is no one in charge, everyone is responsible for keeping themselves—and everyone else—on track. ... You have a sponsor, but the sponsor doesn't lead by coercion; that person leads by example. And if you mess up and relapse or stop attending for a while, you're always welcome to come back.

(emphasis mine)

That seems so close to what I see being the best model of life as the church. The living body of Christ. We are all equal parts of the greater whole—Christ's body. I'm not sure how his being the "Head" fits that picture, when thinking of starfish, but as the rest of his body... it's right on. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and cares for each other. Because they are all "in it together".

After AA took off and became a huge success, the author says:

Bill (the founder) had a crucial decision to make. He could go with the spider option and control what the chapters could and couldn't do. Under this scenario, he'd have to manage the brand and train applicants in the AA methodology. Or, he could go with the starfish approach and get out of the way. He chose the latter. He let go.

He trusted each chapter to do what it thought was right. And so today, whether you're in Ancorage, Alaska or Santiago, Chile you can find an AA meeting. And if you feel like it, you can start your own. Members have always been able to directly help each other without asking permission or getting approval from Bill W. or anyone else. This quality enables open systems to quickly adapt and respond.

(emphasis mine)

Christianity could certainly learn from this model. Instead of fighting to protect and preserve, a more open system would encourage the body of Christ to be "known by our love for one another". Not our big buildings, flashy presentations, big events, wonderfully entertaining programs, etc, etc, etc. And, the body of Christ could function so much better if our only direction came from The Head (not the pretend "heads" we have set up). Rather than chaos, wouldn't it be much more perfect, and more quick to respond.

See, Jesus is a weird head. The starfish can regenerate and fix itself because the head is located everywhere. The brain is in every cell of the body (I guess?). Isn't that kind of like Jesus. He's not in a fixed location, in the Home Office at 1 Golden Street Drive. He's here, with me right now, as much as he is with you. ("I will be with you always...") So, he can quickly help me know that I need to go over and see my neighbor... and I might find out that she needs help with something... or maybe she's just feeling down. Or maybe even, she has some good news she needs to share with someone? As the head of a body that has no heirarchichal leadership, he can quickly move and "regenerate" his body as he needs to. No waiting for staff or deacons meetings. :-)

I'm enjoying the book. I'm sure I'll post more here later. Just wanted to share a couple of quotes that stood out to me last night.

Damage Control

I have been refraining from any comment on the events that transpired at Virginia Tech last week. I did post the one e-mail we received from our friend at VT. I thought it was a good "different" perspective on what happened. There was no need to rehash the events "news-style" here. It just felt over-done in every media "outlet" anyway.

But I have heard some interesting things in regards to the reactions to it. From applauding the professor in his 70s (who was a holocaust survivor) for barracading the door - giving his own life - in an attempt to save the students in the room... to decrying the networks decision to air the videos the killer submitted to NBC. (I think it was NBC.) All sorts of emotions, all sorts of thoughts.

One thing I heard while listening to the latest God Journey podcast struck a chord with me, and perhaps it does with you, too.

I had read several comments on the news sites I was browsing that read something like this, "Hundreds of innocent Iraqis die every day and we don't see news coverage like this!" There was some frustration over the "overreaction" by US media regarding this killing of "lesser" significance (number-wise), and the diminishing of the lives lost in Iraq. That angered me a bit, as I do understand the sentiment, but can we please drop our political agendas for just one moment???

But the God Journey guys were talking about it and they commented on how the rest of the world deals with tragedies like this very differently. Here in the US we are scrambling to find a "reason", or a "motive", or even someone (or some system, or someones) to blame for it. We can't accept such a thing. Our lives are so in our "control" (or so it would appear) that clearly an event like this reveals an error, or a mistake, or some form of blame be placed somewhere. Certainly on the killer... but there has to be more. He can't be solely responsible for his actions.

Maybe it's gun control. If we would just tighten that up. Or maybe it's his parents. If they would have loved him more. Maybe it's that the University should have shut down the entire campus, because they surely must have known he was going to go on a killing spree. Surely. Maybe if the other students - who had noticed he was different - had stepped in earlier, instead of allowing political correctness to govern their actions. Maybe it could have been prevented if US immigration laws were more strict, not just allowing visas to anyone who wants them.

Maybe... maybe not.

See, bad stuff happens. People die. People do bad things. What happened last week was bad. It was ugly. It was horrible. Just like the stuff that happens in Iraq and Darfur and everywhere else around the world every day. The human condition is marred by sin. People can make bad choices that hurt other people. And really, there is no amount of laws or training or educating or any preventative methods that can curtail that.

We are not in control. We may think we are. We may think we can be. But, we are not.

So, best you can do (in my estimation) is live your life to the fullest. Live everyday enjoying where you are, and who you're with. Love as you have been loved. You never know when you'll breathe your last breath here. And if you know Jesus, you can trust him that it won't be your last. You can't control what other people do, but you definitely have a say in what you do. (Sin kinda messes that up on occasion, but at least we have some say) :-)

Love God, and love people today. Don't worry about what might come tomorrow, or what has happened yesterday. Any control we think we have is mostly an illusion. Trust the one who holds all things together, and follow him where he leads.

Maybe that's the best damage control.

I Guess I'm Emergent?

Not too sure about the results here, but saw this on Chris' blog and thought I'd take a crack at it. Last time I was Seventh Day Adventist, which was awesome. :-)

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. Emergent/Postmodern 71% Neo orthodox 68% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57% Charismatic/Pentecostal 50% Fundamentalist 39% Classical Liberal 36% Reformed Evangelical 32% Modern Liberal 21% Roman Catholic 14% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Three In One

This morning the boys were in my office to read the Bible, and we got talking about one particular line we read.

Soon after this, Jesus was going through towns and villages, telling the good news about God's kingdom.

Luke 8:1

So many times we take the good news out of the "good news"! I told the boys that sometimes we make knowing Jesus about knowing what not to do, or what to do, instead of the greatness of a God who loves us. The story we read yesterday was about the woman who came and poured expensive perfume on Jesus, and was crying on his feet, wiping away the tears with her hair. Jesus told the astonished "holy dude" who was with him that someone who is forgiven much will celebrate that forgiveness much more! That's the good news! God's love and forgiveness are available to all!

Somewhere in the conversation we started talking about how the good news is that we get to be close with God, like he's our Dad. And then I said, "And Jesus is like a brother, which is cool." The brothers smiled. "And Jesus, who is God, who is also the Father, is like our Dad, which is cool." I started losing them here. "And then God is spirit, too... and that's like, you!" I was sort of confusing myself, but stick with me here... "It's like God can be so close that he is inside us, where only you can be. No one else can be inside you except you... and God (the Spirit) who lives inside of us."

At this point Ian said, "Yeah, he can get inside through our ears! Or, our nose! Unless... if we have a cold." :-)

(That was awesome.)

But I thought that was pretty neat. God in his three persons is as close as a brother, as a father, and even as ourselves as the Spirit, living inside us. I hadn't ever though of that before. But we are the temple of the Holy Spirit, he is actually inside us. Our relationship with him is that intimate. No one else can be there. Just God.

Neat.

No super-amazing conclusion from all of this, just thought it was interesting enough to share. And, the line from Ian was classic. :-)

Happy Easter, everyone.

Go Sabres! :-)

The "Word Of God"?

The last two podcasts from The God Journey have been on the topic of Scripture. Good stuff. A few moments that might have challenged me before, but I have been thinking about what the "Word of God" is recently as well. We read through John not too long ago, and everytime you read that phrase there it's referring to Jesus. A person. The "living & active" Word of God. (Ref: Heb)

I went to Bible college. I learned to revere the Book as many Christians do. But I think I have come to see that the Bible is a very special book that helps us to know God's heart for us - but we can easily be tricked into worshipping IT. (Rather than the God from whom it comes.)

Good line from one of the podcasts (the second one) was when a friend of one of the hosts was asked, "Do you believe in the inerrancy of Scripture" his reply was, "I believe in the infallibility of the God who gave it to us." :-) That was good.

I do not believe in the super-holy-magicness of the book that I hold in my hand. I do not believe in the "power of prayer". My hope, my trust, my life is in the One whom I know through those things. God is not limited to the pages of my Bible (nor are the pages actually limited to the type that is on them, which is equally cool!) He IS the Word. (Well, Jesus is, anyway) and that is way cooler than a book :-)

(Don't worry... I still think the Bible is the super coolest book... I just think that sometimes we give it more credit that God intended it to have.) :-)

I'll take him any day.

Links?
The God Journey Podcast
The Wonder of Scripture (3/23/07)
The Wonder of Scripture II (3/30/07)

Judging You, Judging Me?

The other day as we were reading through the book of Luke, the boys and I heard Jesus say, “Don’t judge other people and God won’t judge you.” I stopped when I said that and said to the boys, “That’s crazy! What does Jesus mean by that? Does he really mean if we just don’t judge other people, then God won’t judge us???” And I thought, How does that get us out of it??

And I think I was revealing a misunderstanding of God right there.

Is God really the big mean judge just waiting to condemn us? Or is he rightfully judge, but willingly grants us a completely restored relationship with him through Jesus - “There is no now condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”?

Today I happend to be thinking of an instance or two where I was feeling “judged” and that reminded me of these words we had recently read, that Jesus spoke long ago. I was thinking about when I felt judged and trying to figure out why I was being judged in the frist place. And all I could think of was that the person(s) I was thinking about just might not understand the God who does not demand perfection from us? Perhaps they just don’t know that God does not look at everything as “right” and “wrong”?

And then the verse made sense! Maybe Jesus didn’t mean the cause and effect version I thought, where when we don’t judge, God doesn’t judge us. Perhaps he meant that if we understand that he doesn’t judge, and so we won’t judge others, then we will feel less and less “judged” by him. As we treat other people as he does - then we can understand the Father who does not “judge” us?

Perhaps I’m just rambling... or just not saying well what I think I realized today. If you have any thoughts, please add them to this. That’d be great.

But also, please know that he does not judge your every move. You are loved by your Father, and there is no condemnation for you who are in Christ Jesus.

The Devil Made Me Do It

We're in the book of Luke now, me and the boys, and today we got to the story of Jesus being led by the Spirit out into the desert where he didn't eat for 40 days. First of all... that's just insane. That's a really, really long time to not eat. And one of the best lines in the whole Bible follows the statement of that fasting fact... "And he was hungry." You think? :-)

So what ensues is a little battle between Satan and Jesus. Satan tries to trick Jesus, and Jesus doesn't buckle. He defeats Satan with his knowledge of Scripture and his pure "Jesus-ness". I remember from many decades ago now, in my Children's Bible (the big brown one with all the cool drawings...) seeing the epic battle unfold. Jesus in his flowing white robes (standing tall, and regal, looking none the worse for wear, even though "...he was hungry") and Satan looking ugly and menacing, with his tiny little horns protruding from his red skull cap or whatever. It was quite obvious who was the good guy and who was the bad guy... and it was even more obvious who would be the victor.

As I was reading the story again today, I couldn't help but wonder, why was Satan even trying? Didn't he know that Jesus was God? I mean... Jesus made everything (I think that's in Colossians) so... that means he made Satan... (Lucifer, or whatever you might want to call him) and, so, they knew each other, right? What made him think he had a chance of tricking Jesus into giving in to a desire for food, or power, or anything else? I mean... he's God, right?

But that's when I thought... maybe Satan understood Jesus more than we do sometimes. I've mentioned this before on the good ol' blog... we are prone to over-deifying Jesus (if that were possible). Like in my old Children's Bible. Jesus was clearly deity there. Totally unaffected by his humanness. One could argue, he seemed not even "human" at all. And we tend to do that to Jesus, whether in drawings, or in our relating to him. We remember that he is God, but we forget that he is our brother. A person: body, soul, spirit... just like us.

It seems like Satan understood this, and was trying in every way he could to get Jesus to fall... because he could. In Hebrews it says Jesus was "tempted in every way" as we are. That means there had to be a chance he might choose poorly. It wouldn't be a temptation if in his God-ness he could just be perfect without even trying. No, Jesus was (and is???) very much a human being, just like us.

So what does that mean? Is there wisdom to be gained from the Devil? Can we maybe understand Jesus more from seeing what he thought of him? I'm not sure. Perhaps I am reading too much into it. (I can do that sometimes...) :-) But, it seems that he knew something about Jesus we tend to forget. He's so much like us. And I do think that's amazing. It means he can totally understand us, and relate to us... and I think that's exactly what God wanted. What an amazingly cool connection we have to him. He's not some super-man... He's just like us.

There's not really a big "point" to this post... I just found it really interesting that the Devil thought he could trick Jesus... he was really trying, so, it seems like there was some chance he might be able to. Or so he thought.

It definitely would have been strange to "hear" Jesus say the words, "The Devil made me do it..."

"Proof" That Jesus Never Rose From The Dead

I came upon this article today in my RSS news feeds... and I just thought it was fascinating how hard people try to bring down Jesus. Those on "the right" will say it's because they don't want to submit to the authority of God and Scripture, but it just seems like it must be more than that? I mean... this is fascinating and all, but, what can we learn from archaeology 2000 years later that would disprove historical accounts? It can certainly confuse (though I don't think this particular "finding" seems that legitimate) but... how can it "disprove"?

Well, it's an interesting story nonetheless. :-) You can read the article here.

More Than Jesus

"If it's about something less than him, we can fragment on anything."

Last night I was listening to a podcast we listen to regularly, and this week's episode just resonated with me more than I can say. The show covers all sorts of things... it's just a weekly conversation between two guys trying to live life with God outside of any boxes we can create. This week, I believe the topic was picked from when one of the guys made a trip back to his Christian college alma mater. Many of the people there were living life with Jesus completely differently from how he currently is, or would ever want to - and still there was unity. There was commonness. There was togetherness.

The guys got talking about how if we just share Jesus, we can live together in harmony. When we make it about anything less (they meant that obviously anything in the universe is "less" than Jesus, so if we make our bond, or our unity about anything other than Jesus) then we will inevitably fragment. We'll argue about music style, or carpet color, or what we call ourselves, or any number of silly things. We'll even argue about what we call "truth". But truth is a Person. Not a list of doctrines. So even THAT can get in the way of our unity - of us being a family.

I could not agree more.

Probably more than 10 years ago now, I had just begun working for a tiny "church" here in upstate NY and, being the idealist that I (still) am, I would engage the current "senior pastor" and my fellow fledgling "minister" in long discussions about the nature of what we were trying to accomplish as the Church of Christ at Victor. And when I would boil it all down, I came to the conclusion that nothing that we currently did together - none of the very helpful programs, or even the weekly worship services - were essential to us being the Church. We simple are the Church. Nothing really can change that, unless we choose to leave the Church.

And I don't mean to put our behinds somewhere else on a Sunday morning.

God's plan from before creation was to adopt us into his family, as his children. That is what he offers to us. Anyone who accepts his offer is now part of his family - which is The Church. His Body, of which he is the head. His body is not just some small group of people meeting across the street from another small group of people calling themselves his body also... it's the whole of both of those groups, plus the other three groups meeting just up the street. We in America (not always, but quite often) base our "fellowship" or our connection with believers on the extra name we bear. Not that of an adopted member of God's family... but that of our local congregation. In many ways, being a member of "First Church of the Resurrection" is more important to us than being a son or daughter of God!

Or at least, that's the way it would appear.

One of the podcast guys told a great story about one of his instructors (I believe that's who it was) at his college, who has since been a life-long friend. He had a falling out with the school when he left, and the bitterness continued in him for a time after that. His friend was taking communion one day and as he was holding the bread, looking at it, he saw through the bread - like a door - and on the other side was Jesus, standing there with his arm around one of the people from the school who had hurt him the most. His reaction was, "No, Jesus! You can't do that! He's the one who hurt me!" And Jesus' response was, "I'm not going to stop being this guy's friend to be your friend."

How cool is that? Jesus does not take sides (he shows no favorites). He loves us all the same, even when we don't or can't. It doesn't matter how we "do church" or where we "go to church" or anything EXTRA. All that matters is that we are his brothers, that we are all adopted sons and daughters of the same Father.

We don't have to pretend... we just are. I know, brothers don't always get along. Just yesterday, Alex came out from the other room to where I was and told me that Ian wasn't his brother anymore. After stifling a little laugh, I asked, "Well what do you mean?" He told me the "horrible" thing Ian did, and said, "So he's not my brother anymore." I smiled at him, and hugged him and said, "You know, that's never going to change. No matter what either of you do, you'll always be brothers. That's just the way it is. So what you have to do now is go back in there and figure out a way to work together." (I wish the story had a better ending, but I think what he did was go in and demand a little louder what it was he wanted from his brother. :-) We're still working on that....)

But isn't that the point? We are brothers, and sisters in Christ. We are his family. Not multiple families bearing different names who are distant cousins. We are his family. Brother and sister. When we put anything else in the way of our common bond - Jesus - then we begin living like we are not. Even though that will never change. We will always be brothers.

I thought it was an excellent podcast, and I intend to ask some folks close to me to check it out. How I long for the unity Jesus spoke of in the book of John. We are meant to be united, but too often we make life as a believer to be "more than Jesus"... and it just gets is in a big mess.

It really is true... the more we focus on him, the more he holds all things together (that's the name of the show...) So, today and this coming week... that's what I will try to do. I want to focus on him in my relationship with other people, and we'll see what happens. :-)

Some Good Reading?

Hey folks...
There has not been much time for blogging of late, which is actually very good. Business is "booming"... I am getting lots of repeat business, and perhaps even cooler, referrals from current clients. That's neat. I'm very glad God is providing for us through this. I do mostly enjoy what I do.

There will be time when things at least slow down (I'd imagine?) so I'll post more thoughts here later, but for now, I have been re-reading the book I released last year, "Life In The Rearview Mirror" and there's some good stuff in there. I've been encouraged to read some of the stuff God had taught me in the not too distant past, and to see how that could help me in the now to handle some of the things I (we) am (are) dealing with now. Some stuff about money... and a few chapters lately about just the way God made the world to work best.

I feel like I did not give LITRVM as much attention since the Here's The Church book was so much more focused "topic-wise" and seemed more relevant to more people. And, it's a great book, and I am glad so many people have purchased or downloaded it from the GregsHead.net Bookstore. That's awesome.

I'd like to recommend again that you check out Life In The Rearview Mirror. If you're able to purchase, that would be great. You can buy it at my bookstore (linked above) or using the button in this post. Or, you can get it at Kavanagh Books right here in Palmyra, or even better... you can purchase straight from Amazon, via my Amazon Store (and they will pay me a commission on the sale of my own book!) :-)

If you really don't want to buy the book... may I recommend you read the blog posts from whence the content of LITRVM came? (Well, at least, two of the chapters) :-) Here are the links to the two articles I spoke of before. If you can get the book, that would be grand, and I think you'd enjoy it. If not, enjoy these articles from 2005...

The Right Place
Selflessness

Go(o)d Timing

While I am here... I wanted to post this story last week, but didn't have the time. (I don't now, but since I'm here...) :-)

I usually take a break for lunch (which my wife dilligently prepares for us) around 1pm every day. Often it will end up being 1:15... or if a particularly busy day, it could be later. But this past Friday, I had finished up some things... and there was a rumbly in my tumbly... and didn't want to start the next thing for fear of going way past 1:00... so, I decided it was time for lunch at 12:15. Usually, I would not make such a decision. There was a set of odd circumstances that led to that, and then even more odd was, if I ever do "leave" early... I usually find several things to do on the way out of my office. But today, I didn't. I just left.

I walked downstairs and greeted my family. The greeting I received in return from my wife was, "Why are you down here now?" It was not the kindest greeting, but Jen prefers things to be as they "should" be. So, deviation from the norm (though completely expected from me) is much more difficult for her to handle than me, or perhaps our children.

I tried to think of how to explain why I was down there early, but really, there were several reasons (too long to explain) and at the same time, there were no reasons. So, after a brief pause, I replied, "Because I had to."

The words even surprised me. :-) I think I followed that up by saying quickly, "That was a weird thing to say!" But not 5 seconds after I had said, "Because I had to," there was a knock on our front door. I peeked around the corner to see who it was and it was a friend we have not seen in a while who stops by on occasion to spend time with "basic", as he calls us. :-) From observation, it seems like he's on the lonely side, so we're happy to share a meal with him or just hang out for a while.

So, I said to Jen, "And maybe this is why..." (refering to my previous statement, "Because I had to.") I went to the door, and happily invited him in. :-)

The cool part was, had I dove right back into the next project, I would have come down, but not been "free" to do so. This time, I was, and it was an enjoyably quirky lunch. (He's an odd fellow, to be sure...) :-)

After he left, I just marveled for the rest of that afternoon at God's timing, and maybe even the way he gave me words to say. I mean... I didn't know really why I chose the words, "Because I had to," but they seemed to fit once our friend knocked on the door. (FIVE SECONDS after I said them!!!)

Just a fun God moment in a very busy week. Wanted to share it with you. :-)

God Is In Our Family, Too

Just a quickie here...

I was reading a story to Kirstie tonight, and we got to a part where I was reading about something that God made. The narrator of the story was saying something about God (I forget what) and Kirsten interrupts to tell me, "God's in our family, too!" Ha! That was awesome. I said, "Yep! You're right! He's in our family, too!" :-) It's so cool that she knows him as a person, and even a member of our family!

A great line, from a great little girl. :-)